Unexplainable Caramels
by Millie Bates
Summary: Lukas Bondevik starts fifth grade at a new school in Copenhagen and isn't thrilled about it, especially when he meets Mathias Kohler. Just when it seems that things have only changed for the worst, life gets a little bit better.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: "First Day Lament"**

* * *

You were supposed to get to fifth grade and be on top. You ruled the entire playground, got to leave class to read to kindergarteners, and, of course, you only had one year left until middle school. What was not to love about the fifth grade? Oh yeah, a new school. That's the thing. Fifth grade would have been fantastic if Lukas was staying at his old school, but no, his parents had begun to look for a home in Copenhagen and now Lukas was stuck going to some stupid private school.

He hated school enough as it was. The other kids were always so stupid and mean. He guessed that might have been a positive. Nobody at the new school knew him. They couldn't judge him for the time he peed himself in kindergarten or for the time he choked on a carrot stick at lunch and cried afterwards. It was scary, believe it or not.

Anyways, that was the ONLY good thing coming out of this. Lukas watched his mother iron his shirt for the first day tomorrow. The uniform currently consisted of either khaki or navy blue shorts, a white short sleeved shirt, and a hideous blue and green tie. They weren't leniant on the shoes, either. He had to wear ugly brown shoes that looked like something his grandfather would wear. He picked them up and pouted, looking up at his mother. "I don't want to wear these stupid things," he said, crossing his arms adamantly.

His mother patted his head. "I don't need anymore of that attitude, Lukas," she said as she turned the iron off and handed him a pile of stiff clothes. He eyed them with disdain, but put them away nonetheless. He climbed into bed and glared at his dresser, grumbling under his breath.

"Goodnight, Lukas. I love you," his mother said, peeking in just to smile at him. He 'hmphed' and muttered a quite, "Love you, too." She turned off the light and left, though he could still hear her walking around as he fell asleep that night.

* * *

The walk to school was painful. With each step, Lukas felt as if he was walking into a bad dream. His stomach had butterflies and his heart was racing as he stepped into the building. He walked nervously into the office, trying to speak to the secretary at the front, but being to shy to even let out a squeak. Luckily, the secretary caught on and took his name, looking through her computer until she found him. "You have Mr. Vainamoinen, Lukas. He is in room 21. It is right down the hall and to the left. You'll see little apples on the door. Do you think you've got it?"

He wasn't a baby, of course he could find the room. He nodded quickly and left, walking as slowly as possible to the classroom. He nearly missed the bell by the time he got in. The teacher was already writing things on the board and he was smiling really big for some weird reason. "Hello!" He said, still wearing the smile. "What's your name?"

So, so cheerful. "Lukas Bondevik," he said quietly. The teacher led him to a seat on the left near the back. Lukas looked at the desk with a frown. It was a two-person desk. He looked over at his partner. He had on glasses and a silly smile. Lukas looked at a nametag on his desk that read "Eduard." What a silly way to spell it, he thought. He took a seat, keeping his head down.

The rest of the morning consisted of "Find someone who's" and paperwork for parents. The teacher was still smiling by the end of the morning. Didn't his cheeks hurt or something? Lukas stood up, grabbed his lunchbox, and made his way to the cafeteria with the rest of the children. They didn't have to walk in a line like he had to back at his old school. He sat down at the end of one of the tables, opening his lunchbox and beginning to eat in silence.

The peace lasted about five minutes. That's how long it took a group of boys from his class to get their food and sit back down. Did they have to sit so close? There was a completely bare table over there in the middle. Why sit so close? He scooted down a bit, tilting his head lower until his face was practically inside his lunchbox. _Please don't notice me, please don't notice me, please don't-_

"Hey, what's on your lunchbox?"

They'd noticed him. He looked up faintly, opening his mouth to speak, then stopping to stare at a pudding cup his mother had packed him. He wanted to answer, but he couldn't. He just couldn't. The idea of speaking to anyone right now made him feel sick.

"Can you hear me?"

Lukas could feel his heart beating faster. "Yes," he replied. He sort of slid his lunchbox closer to the edge of the table protectively, not looking at the boys, though he could feel their eyes boring into him. "So what's on your lunchbox? I think I've seen it before."

Lukas gulped and fiddled with a carrot stick. "It's a painting." They seemed content with the answer and ignored him for a moment. The moment was short lived. "You're quiet," one said, and another one laughed. Lukas turned finally to see who they were. One boy was tall and had a funny scar on his forehead. His face was concerning. Something about it was too cold. Another had auburn eyes and hair so blond he swore it was white. He looked silly and a little scary. The third had blond, messy looking hair. He was smiling, his blue eyes sparkling as he stared down at Lukas.

"Yes," he said, immediately feeling stupid for only saying that. He could have at least said, "Yes, I am" or something, but no, it had to be just "yes" didn't it? "Hey, what's in your hair?" The one with blue eyes asked. Lukas reached up and touched the pin in his hair. He nervously fiddled with the carrot again and said, "My hair gets in my face."

They all looked at each other, then back at him. "I'm Mathias. That's Gilbert and that's Ned. And you're not from here, huh?" Lukas shook his head and nibbled on the carrot, though now it was uncomfortably warm since he'd been rolling it in his hand. "So where are you from?"

"Norway." He started putting away his half-eaten food and sipped on a box of grape juice. They all scooted closer to him and he slowly put the juicebox down, looking at all of them. Gilbert smiled and leaned closer, saying, "How come you're so small? I thought you were a girl when you came in. I was like, 'Aren't girls supposed to be on the other side of the building?'"

Lukas' eyes reduced to slits and he looked from Mathias to Gilbert, ignoring the silent Ned. "So?" Oh, gosh. So? _So?_ Couldn't he think of something better to say? Plus, that was an invitation for them to say something even worse. He quickly tossed his trash from lunch into his lunchbox and snapped the lid shut.

"So how come you're so girly looking?"

This time it was Mathias who asked him this. Lukas froze, one hand on the table and the other nervously clutching his knee. "Stop it," he said. Gilbert laughed and mocked him, saying "stop it" over and over again in a high pitched voice. Mathias laughed, too. At that point, Lukas stood up and left for the hall. He could hear them yelling after him but he didn't dare look back.

* * *

 **I like reviews!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: "Paper Planes, Trains, and Automobiles"**

* * *

Lukas hadn't realized that Mathias sat two desks behind him in class. For the next three weeks he had to deal with paper planes landing on his desk, the floor next to him, and even his hair on the occasion. Whenever one would hit him, he could hear both Mathias and Gilbert laugh. Even Mr. Vainamoinen was getting annoyed by the two boys, who just so happened to be sitting next to each other.

Mathias must have been bored, because he was actually drawing on the airplanes today. "Look at it!" He would whisper loudly whenever an airplane would land next to Lukas' feet. He would pick it up and it would either be a terribly drawn penis or a woman with large, equally terribly drawn breasts. Lukas glared back at the boys, who snickered, then crumpled the paper up and tossed it into the trash bin.

About an hour later, there was another airplane at his feet. He picked it up and looked at the picture on the side. It seemed to be a princess. This princess just so happened to have a funny hair curl and was clutching a juicebox. Lukas tore up the plane, shoving the remains into the back of his desk. He disliked Mathias so, so much. And Gilbert was so stupid to even laugh with him. They were both stupid.

Lukas thought about telling Mr. Vainamoinen about them, but he didn't want to rat anyone out. They'd know it was him and it would only get worse. So he suffered in silence until October when Mr. Vainamoinen said they were finally switching around seats. Not that Lukas minded sitting with Eduard, he just hated being that close to Mathias.

Mr. Vainamoinen had everyone gather their things, stand, and wait in the front of the room. He went around and pointed at seats, calling a name for each seat. Gilbert was moved all the way up to the front. Lukas smiled a little when he was called to his seat, which was much further from Gilbert than before. He set his things down before Mr. Vainamoinen said, "Mathias Kohler. Right here," pointing to the seat next to Lukas.

He immediately thought he was going to throw up. Or cry. Or both. Probably both. He looked up at Mr. Vainamoinen pleadingly, but the teacher seemed less happy and less attentive today and didn't notice. Lukas took his seat, not even glancing at Mathias. He was looking at him, though. He wasn't shy about it, either. He was flat out staring.

"Stop it," Lukas said finally, scooting as far away from Mathias as possible. Mathias sighed, but stopped, pouting as he looked down at his notebook, clearly upset to be seperated from Gilbert. "Remember everyone, the person next to you is your partner. They'll also go with you in the halls. I don't want anyone going alone. Yes? Good," Mr. Vainamoinen said. He looked at the clock. "Oh, okay. Looks like it's recess time! It's raining so no going outside today. Free time indoors. You can help yourself to the supplies in the back. There are games and puzzles on the top shelf right over there," he said.

Lukas wanted to leave. That's all he wanted to do. He walked up to the teachers desk and asked to go to the library. The teacher replied with, "I can send you with Mathias. I can write you both a pass?" Lukas really thought he was going to cry. Maybe he could ditch Mathias at the library, though? Or they could at least be further apart than they were now. Plus, Gilbert wouldn't be there. Lukas finally nodded and he called Mathias to the front.

"Mathias, do you mind going with Lukas to the library? I'm sure he won't take very long," Mr. Vainamoinen asked as he handed Lukas the pass. Mathias gave him an annoyed look and sighed, grumbling about wasting his time.

Lukas tried to stay cool, but he was honestly afraid. It wasn't like he was very big. In fact, he was smaller than most kids because he had been born a little earlier than he was supposed to be. Mathias, on the other hand, was tall, and from what he could tell in gym class, he was athletic. It's not like he'd ever been beat up himself, but the idea was scary enough.

The minute they stepped out, Mathias began to complain. "I have to spend my break in the library with you. I bet you're happy, huh?" Lukas was completely silent. He stared straight ahead and ignored him. When they got to the library, he walked quickly away from Mathias. He looked through the books until he found what he was looking for. It was a thick book of fairytales he knew very well, since he had a copy of them himself.

He sat on the carpeted floor in the middle of the aisle and looked through the stories, not noticing Mathias reading over his shoulder. "You're into those?" Lukas jumped, accidentally closing the book and gasping. He glanced back at Mathias, glaring. "Maybe."

Instead of saying something mean and stupid, Mathias said, "Have you seen that statue here? It's of the little mermaid. There's always a lot of tourists, though. Hans Christian Andersen was born in Denmark. We had to do a project about him in fourth grade."

Lukas raised his eyebrows, caught of guard. Was Mathias actually being decent? He stood up and looked for more books, Mathias trailing behind him. He grabbed more books, all thick, none with pictures anymore. He struggled to hold six, balancing them all against his chest as he ran his fingers over the spines of more books. He grabbed another, nearly dropping the ones he already had. Luckily, Mathias caught them. "I can carry some of these if you want!" He offered, taking all of the books before Lukas could protest.

More than anything, Lukas was confused. What did carrying those books do to benefit him? There had to be some sort of motive. He grabbed one more book and headed up to the counter. The librarian shook her head, saying, "A max of five books per person, please." Lukas huffed and started to put three back, but before he could, Mathias took the books from his hands and said, "These three are actually for me."

Now Lukas was really confused. He waited for Mathias, clutching his own books close to his chest. As they were walking back to class, he asked, "Why did you get those? Do you like to read, too?" He almost sounded excited and he remembered to calm himself down before he made a complete idiot of himself. Mathias sort of shrugged. "I guess. But these are for you. Just be sure to bring them back on time."

Lukas couldn't help himself. He had to figure out what was going on. "Why are you being so nice?" He asked, stepping in front of Mathias so he couldn't walk into the classroom just yet. The taller boy shrugged, sticking his hands in his pockets. "You're not that bad, Lukas. You're actually kind of . . . cool." With that, he took the books out of Lukas' hands, set all eight books on the desk, and said nothing to him for the rest of the day.

* * *

 **Hark! Dost thou have a review for me?**

 **At Readers perjuries they say the Author laughs.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: " 'Orchestration Frustration', a pain(t)ing by Lukas Bondevik"**

* * *

 _Sorry for such a short chapter. I thought it was longer. This is actually the shortest one. They get longer after this chapter!_

* * *

Fifth graders were allowed to sign up for orchestra. They would stay after school every other day until 3:30 to learn how to play their instruments. The instruments weren't provided, but it was easy to rent one. Lukas signed up, along with Eduard and Ned. Gilbert didn't even look at the sheet. Mathias wasn't going to sign up, but saw Ned was and was also a little persuaded by Lukas signing up. He signed up to play the cello while Lukas signed up to play the violin.

Their first practice was on a Friday, but before that, they had their art class. Art class came around once a week and was only an hour long. It was Lukas' favorite back at his old school, but it wasn't so fun here because the teacher let each person choose their seats, so it was Ned, Gilbert, and Mathias together, laughing at stupid things and playing pranks constantly. They normally left him alone, though. He worked on his art in peace, humming to himself when he was most relaxed.

Today was one of those days. He hummed as he painted pumpkins onto a piece of thick paper, not noticing any of their snickering as he dipped his brush into a cup of water to rinse it. He didn't see Mathias get up and walk behind him just to bump him on purpose, causing his hand to slip and spilling the cup of orange tinted water all over his painting and into his lap. He stood quickly, looking behind him. The front of his pants was completely soaked and most of the kids in the class were giggling at him, but none so much as Gilbert, Ned, and Mathias.

He felt tears welling up in his eyes as he looked down at the ruined painting, then at his pants. He flashed Mathias the dirtiest look he could muster and ran up to the teacher, who immediately released him to go to the bathroom. He stayed in a stall for the rest of class, letting a few tears slip from his eyes as he leaned against the rickety door. He tried to rub off the stains on his pants, but it was useless.

He suddenly wished he hadn't signed up for Orchestra. It was such a pain to have to stay after school now. Nonetheless, he made his way to the gym when the bell rang, violin in his hand. He prepared the instrument and warmed up the way his mother had taught him when they first got the violin. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Mathias sit next to him. He paled, visibly shaken, but ignored him. Well, he ignored him until Mathias' bow poked him in the side.

"Sorry, just warming up," the taller boy said with a grin. Lukas scooted further away, but within seconds there was another jab to his side. He looked over at Mathias, who was quietly laughing. That was it. He very carefully and very slowly put his instrument away. He made sure the strings were loosened, the instrument was facing up, and everything was incredibly secure as he snapped the case shut, lifting it and setting it up on the stage, pushing it further back and walking slowly back over to Mathias.

"Mathias..."

"Hey, I was just-"

Before he could finish talking, Lukas tackled Mathias to the floor, grabbed his tie, and was punching him in the mouth. It hurt his knuckles, but he didn't care as long as it hurt Mathias, too

Mathias was too stunned to even speak. He pushed Lukas off and punched him in the nose. Lukas was down, but he wasn't done. He punched Mathias in the throat, trying hard to push him off, but he wouldn't budge. "Get off me, idiot!"

"No," Mathias responded with a sneer as he raised his fist to punch him again. Before he could, there was a hand on his shoulder and he was being pulled away. "Wh...?" They both looked up to see their principal. "That's enough. Go to my office. Now," he said.

They were both lead to the principals office. Mathias' lip was busted and Lukas had a bloody nose. Their parents came to pick them up and they were each given a day of suspension. It hurt Lukas to be suspended, as he'd never had it happen before, but Mathias acted like it was an everyday occurrence.

Despite how badly it felt to be suspended, Lukas was glad he'd finally defended himself. He even managed a smile on the way home.

* * *

"Who was that, mama?" Lukas asked as he stirred the soup in front of him. She smiled and sat next to him. "That was Mathias' mother. She actually wanted to apologize. I bet she feels bad about what he did to you. Of course I apologized, too. But she actually wants you to go to his birthday party this Saturday, Lukas."

Lukas dropped his spoon and stood up quickly. "I will not go to his birthday! He's a stupid idiot and I hate him!" He started to walk away, but she grabbed his arm and sat him back down. "Lukas Christian Bondevik you don't say that you hate anyone and I better not hear it again. Do you understand me?"

He huffed, folding his arms across his chest and slumping down in the chair. She grabbed his arm again and made him sit up. "Do you understand?" He looked down despite being sat back up, and when she made him lift his chin again, he was crying. "Yes I understand but please don't make me go!"

His mother thought it over for a minute, then finally said, "Tell you what. I'll turn my old phone back on and you can take it with you. You can call me at anytime and I'll come get you. I promise. And when you get back, I'll make you butter cookies. Please do this for me." Lukas wiped his tears, looking down and slumping again. "Fine," he answered. She pulled him into a hug, patting his back gently. "It's going to be okay. I promise things will start looking up for you, Lukas," she said.

He just nodded doubtfully until she let go and he could finally sulk in peace.

* * *

 **There once was a girl from Peru**

 **Who dreamed she was getting a review**

 **She woke with delight**

 **In the middle of the night**

 **To find that her dream had come true.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: "It's My Party but Boy's Don't Cry (even if they want to)"**

* * *

Mathias looked at all of the tacky party decorations his mother had around the house. He didn't want them, but she'd insisted. It was probably because she wanted to look as put together as possible for when his father came over. His father hadn't actually spoken to her in three months, and he hadn't seen him in three weeks himself. He wasn't too excited, either. He acted so distracted last time and it was like Mathias didn't even exist. It wasn't always like that, either, but since his parents had divorced, his father had stopped caring. Seeing him was turning into a chore nowadays.

To top it off, his mother invited Lukas. To be honest, Lukas was the only one who would probably even show up. Gilbert was out of town for a while and Ned's parents thought Mathias was a bad influence, so he was never allowed over. He didn't really have any other friends besides them, either. Lukas didn't count as a friend, but he wished they were on better terms. He didn't want his father to see that he was so alone, but hey, you can only keep an act up for so long.

The first people to arrive were his grandparents, who plopped two gifts down on the table before hugging Mathias, who smiled, genuinely happy to see them. He loved his grandparents so much. It was different when his father walked in. There was no smiling, no hugs. He gave him a firm pat on the back and asked how he was doing in football. No surprise there.

Lukas arrived right on time. He held a flat gift in his hand. He looked so out of place and Mathias could sense it. He quickly took the gift and set it on the table. "Honey, if you want to go ahead and unwrap the gifts, you can." Mathias shrugged and looked at all of the gifts on the table, picking up his mothers first. It was a card with money. His grandparents. An xbox with two new games. His father. He knew already what it was when he saw it in his fathers hands. It was a ball.

"You've gotta keep up the practice," he said. Mathias forced a smile and thanked him, but it was so cold and so distant. Lukas couldn't understand a word they were saying because he didn't know Danish, but even he could tell that there was something not right. There was a long silence as he picked up Lukas' gift. Mathias felt so guilty for accepting the gift. He really didn't deserve it and almost wished he wouldn't have brought one at all. He tore open the package, revealing a music book.

"Cello Sonata in A Minor," he read slowly, glancing at Lukas. The younger boy shifted uncomfortably, then said, "It's Grieg. You can't play it yet, it's way too hard. It will give you something to work towards so you have a reason to keep practicing and getting better . . . " He trailed off towards the end when he heard Mathias' father laugh ever so slightly. Had he said something funny? "Thanks, Lukas. I think that's really smart, actually," he said, opening the book and looking through it with a small smile. He stopped when he heard his father say, "Come on, Mathias. Let's test the ball out."

Mathias looked from his mother, to his father, to Lukas, who tugged on his sweater sleeves awkwardly. Mathias knew Lukas didn't like sports from the way he acted in gym class. But he hadn't seen his father in so long and he knew he couldn't say no to him. "Lukas, do you want to play? We won't play long. You and me against him. He won't stand a chance," he offered, tossing the ball between his hands, then throwing it to Lukas.

Words couldn't describe how much Lukas didn't want to play. It was freezing outside and it had just sleeted yesterday so the ground was slick and muddy. He really wished he could go home, but it wasn't so terrible that he needed to call his mother yet, so he nodded. It was Mathias' party, after all, and it would have been rude to say no. He gave the ball back to Mathias and followed him into his backyard. He made markers for the goal ends and set the ball in the middle, starting it off.

Lukas mostly watched the two play, trying to stay out of the way as much as possible. He hated to have the ball at anytime and would rather scoot away than kick it himself. He currently watched Mathias try to take the ball from his father, who, in one wrong kick, sent the boy to the ground, clutching the back of his leg. "Jesus," he said under his breath, rubbing the back of his leg and wincing, his eyes becoming a bit glossy. He didn't cry, though. Boys weren't supposed to cry.

His father laughed. "Up, up, up! And none of those tears," he said, the ball still between his feet. Lukas looked from the father to Mathias, his eyebrows furrowing as he watched him struggle to stand on his own. He finally walked over himself and extended a hand. "I can help," he muttered, reaching for Mathias' muddy hand.

Mathias looked at the hand, then at his father. Back and forth his eyes flickered, until finally, he stuck his own hand back in the muddy grass and pushed himself up. Alone. Lukas crossed his arms and shivered, looking longingly at the door to the house, then at the phone in his pocket. He could hear Mathias and his father arguing behind him.

"You're going in already?"

"It's cold out here, dad. Besides, I hurt my leg."

"Oh, enough, Mathias. Don't be a baby."

Mathias stopped on his way to the door and looked at his father, then at Lukas, who couldn't even look up. Lukas' nose and cheeks were red and probably frostbitten by now. He might have stayed if it weren't for Lukas looking like he was going to freeze to death at any moment. "Come on, Lukas," he mumbled, ushering the younger boy back into the house. Lukas felt like he was melting when he felt the warm air. He was glad Mathias had chosen to come inside instead of staying outside.

"Mathias, sweetie, come blow out your candles!"

Both Mathias and Lukas sat at the table as his mother lit the candles on a pricey looking store bought cake. They all sang happy birthday and Lukas followed along quietly. His mother cut the cake, handing a piece to Mathias first, who ate sloppily, then to Lukas, who ate very slowly and couldn't take his eyes off of Mathias as he was eating. It was like watching a lion tear up a gazelle. Disgusting, yet intriguing.

"Hey, Lukas and me are going upstairs. I'll be in my room. Thanks for coming, guys," he said rather quickly as he hugged his grandparents on his way to the stairs. Lukas abandoned his half-eaten cake and followed, honestly a little afraid. He wasn't sure he wanted to be alone with Mathias after what happened the other day. He followed him into his bedroom regardless.

The room was very nice. Plain, but nice. All of his gifts had been placed on his bed by his mother and he reached for them, picking up the xbox first. Lukas wasn't surprised. He set it down by his television and added the games to his collection on a shelf by the window, then he reached down and grabbed the music book off of his bed and sat. "Thanks. This is cool. You didn't have to get me anything, though."

Lukas hesitantly sat on the bed with him, not knowing exactly what to say. "Where is Gilbert? And Ned?" He asked. He regretted asking, because clearly Mathias wished they were here. "Uh, well, Ned's parents hate me. And Gilbert is out of town."

"There was nobody else to invite?" He asked, looking at Mathias face. The taller boy shook his head and forced a smile, looking down at the book again. Lukas felt guilty. This had to be the worst birthday he'd ever seen. "I'm glad you came, though. I know my mom made you come, but still. It would have looked even worse if I had nobody here."

"I got cake out of it," the smaller boy said, trying to make a joke. Mathias cracked a small smile and looked at him. "Yeah, gotta think of the positives, right?" Lukas smiled a little more, then said, "Is your leg hurt?"

Mathias pulled his jeans up and saw a bleeding scrape that was already bruising. "Yeah but it isn't bad. It isn't a big deal. My dad would say to just rub a little dirt in it." Lukas rolled his eyes at that and looked at the scrape. "I think that's stupid to say," he said finally. Mathias turned to look at him, smiling wider and letting out a slight chuckle. "It is really stupid. You've got a point."

They sat there in silence for a minute or so until Lukas stood up. "I think my mom should be here about now," he said, standing in front of Mathias. He nodded, watching as Lukas walked towards the door. " . . . hey wait! Uh . . . " he stood, walking over to him with a hopeful smile. "Maybe I could see you again? Outside of school, I mean. I don't know if you celebrate Halloween or anything. I guess I really don't but my parents normally buy me a lot of candy for it and put on a scary movie. But it doesn't have to be scary! And Gilbert will still be out of town. So you won't have to worry about him being here!"

Lukas felt his heart beating faster and he wasn't sure if he was nervous or excited or sad or happy or what. "You need to stop being mean at school," he said after much thought. Mathias nodded slowly, looking down sheepishly. "Why are you so mean to me, Mathias?"

After little thought, Mathias shrugged. "I don't know. I just was being stupid, that's all. I won't be mean anymore," he said, looking hopeful again. Lukas nodded, smiling very faintly. "Promise?"

"I promise."

Lukas headed for the door again. "I think halloween would be nice," he said, leaving Mathias alone in his room with a stupid grin on his face. He looked around, first at the xbox, then at the book on his bed. He picked it up, wrote his name on the inside cover, put it on the top of his bookshelf, and reached for his book on beginners cello.

* * *

 **Sticks and stones may break my bones, but REVIEWS and FOLLOWS excite me.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: "Unexplainable Caramels and Sticky Emotions"**

* * *

Lukas would be lying if he would have said that Mathias was kind to him for the rest of the week. But he also would have been lying if he would have said that Mathias was mean to him. He more or less ignored him, which was good because he didn't have to deal with stupid comments or pranks. A lot of that might have been because Gilbert wasn't there.

He hated to admit it, but he was also a little disappointed to be ignored by Mathias. He had gone to his birthday party, brought him a gift, and been nice to him despite all that he'd put him through, and now he couldn't even give him a friendly wave. Lukas was having trouble making friends, too. It was so hard for him to gain the courage to talk to other people, and they rarely talked to him first, so he suffered in silence until Eduard would give him an occasional smile or sit next to him in art. But even then, they exchanged almost no words.

Mathias was actually the person he'd talked to most since arriving. I mean, that didn't make them friends, did it? Maybe Gilbert would get back and Mathias would start being mean again. He couldn't be sure. But he was sure that he wanted to go over to his house tonight.

Of course he was still a bit wary, how could he not be? But he hadn't actually hung out with anyone in over three months. The only person he ever talked to was his mother, which was fine, but it was different than being around a friend. Did he just call Mathias his friend?

He thought over the question on the ride home. He guessed they could be. He could consider Mathias his friend. But did Mathias feel the same way? He always felt stupid when he liked someone that didn't actually like him back. But Mathias had been genuinely nice when he was over at his house. He seemed like he wanted to be friends. I mean, he wouldn't have invited him over if he didn't want to be friends, right?

* * *

Mathias' house was as clean and primped as it was a week ago. His mother greeted him at the door, but Mathias wasn't in site. He did, however, hear a squeaky noise coming from upstairs. His mother forced a smile and said, "He's practicing. Believe it or not, this is better than what's been coming out so far. Do you need anything, Lukas? I can get you some water, sweetie."

He nodded and sat on the couch, looking at the large television. Mathias had a really nice house. I mean, it wasn't insanely nice, but it was significantly nicer than his own. He turned to watch Mathias' mother as she pulled a bottle of water out of the fridge. That was so odd to him, because who paid for water when it was free? He thanked her when she put it on the coffee table in front of him.

"So, Lukas. Do you have any brothers or sisters?" It was obvious that she was trying to fill the silence. He nodded and twisted the cap off the water bottle. "A little brother. He's four," he replied. She nodded, sipping on her own water. "Mathias always wanted a brother, but I only had him." She laughed, though even Lukas could tell it was forced, so he simply nodded again, not knowing what to say. It surprised him that Mathias wanted a brother, though.

"Mom, where'd you put-" Mathias stopped at the bottom of the stairs and stared at Lukas. "Oh, hey! Didn't know you'd be here so early," he said, plopping down next to Lukas, who scooted over to make room. That was his mothers cue to go. "Mathias, honey, there's a bowl of candy on the table and I put the movies that are okay for you on the coffee table. Okay? I've got to go, sweetie. Have fun!" With that, she grabbed her purse and actually left the house.

Once she was gone, Lukas asked, "Where is she going?" I mean, she was leaving him all alone. Was their someone else here he didn't know about? His mother never left him alone in the house. It wasn't allowed yet. "She works the nightshift at the hospital every Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday," he replied, getting up and grabbing the bowl of candy off of the table. "Hey, I already put a film in. My mom locks up the ones she doesn't want me to see so I went ahead and took it last night. Been hiding it in the DVD player every since. Pretty smart, huh?"

Lukas took a little square caramel from the bowl and unwrapped it. "I wouldn't say smart." Mathias didn't reply. He picked up a remote and turned the t.v. on, playing the film while he got up to dim the lights. "You good, Lukas? Do you need anything? I mean, are you cold?"

He shook his head and ate another caramel. Mathias sat down again, staring intensely at the screen. It was Nightmare on Elm Street. Lukas had heard of it but had no interest in watching it. Despite that, he watched most of it, grimacing at some of the more gory parts while Mathias seemed to be more curious about the effects. "Hey, Lukas, do you think fake blood stains?" He said, smiling as he turned to watch Lukas play with a candy rapper. He huffed, ignoring the question, and said, "I don't think I can watch this anymore."

"But there's only thirty minutes left! Come on, Lukas. Don't be a baby," he said, opening a box of redhots. Lukas stood up, crossing his arms. "I'm not a baby. Disliking something doesn't make you a baby. I can't help not liking it."

Mathias shrugged. "Okay. Eat this whole box of redhots at once and I'll turn it off," he said, holding the box out to Lukas, who glared at it.

"That's not fair!"

"Oh yeah? Well life isn't fair, so."

Lukas squinted and knocked the redhots out of his hand, sending candy pieces all over the floor. "When you were hurt the other day, would you have eaten a handful of mud if your dad would have let you come in afterwards?"

"Wh . . . ? What?" Mathias immediately forgot about the mess and looked at Lukas, whose cheeks were a little red from being upset. "You wouldn't have because you thought it was fair that you went inside. You knew it was okay for you to go in because you were hurt and it didn't matter what he was saying because you knew what was best for you, stupid! So I'm not eating any redhots! You're turning it off because it is making me not feel good! You should know how it feels to not feel good and want to help me!"

Mathias stared at the smaller boy for a moment, picked up the remote, and turned the movie off. Lukas' face was bright red and he hadn't felt this embarrassed in a long time. He hadn't said that many words at once in a long time, either. He felt too hot now and he was tired and didn't feel like he belonged. He took out the little phone in his pocket and dialed frantically.

He was in the kitchen on the phone for a minute or so before he came back and sat on the couch, sitting as far away from Mathias as possible. They were silent for a minute before Mathias said, "I shouldn't have said that. I'm really sorry, Lukas."

Lukas shook his head. "I didn't mean to make you feel bad, Mathias," he said, scooting closer again. Mathias cleared his throat, extended his hand, and smiled nervously. "Oh. Well, that's okay. You're right. I shouldn't have made you watch that, either. But . . . uh . . . " Mathias continued to offer his hand. Lukas didn't know why he was doing that, but he figured he was supposed to take it, so he did, shaking it weakly.

Mathias stared at him, not shaking his hand at first, but finally catching on and as he tried not to laugh, he shook Lukas' hand. In all honesty he had meant it to be a low high-five. But this was nice, too. Except the handshake was long. And Lukas' hand was barely moving. And it was way too quiet. But it was pleasant. The handshake felt nice. Lukas had a cold little hand, but it was really soft. Finally, their hands stopped moving completely and they stared at each other for a moment, both utterly confused as to why the other was holding on.

It was Lukas who finally pulled his hand away, feeling a little weird at having held his hand. He was pretty sure handshakes didn't work like that. Mathias was the one that broke the silence. "Your hands are really soft, Lukas," he said, immediately regretting breaking the silence with said comment. Lukas turned to look at him, smiling a little on the inside.

Mathias laughed nervously and rubbed the back of his neck. "We're friends, aren't we, Lukas? I mean, I like you. I think you're really . . . " He almost said 'cool', but something about that seemed wrong. "You're really nice. And it's nice being around you. And you're smart."

Lukas covered a forming smile, then said, "Oh. Thanks. I think you're smart, too. And you are really nice at soccer and orchestra." Mathias beamed at that, scooting right next to Lukas. "Yeah? Thanks! I practice both. You're good, too, though. I hear you playing violin and it sounds really good so far!" Again, a hand came up to hide his smile and he looked away. Mathias caught on and leaned forward more, trying to get a glimpse of his smile.

"Why do you gotta do that?" He asked, crossing his arms in frustration as he continued to try to see Lukas' smile. Lukas said nothing, not wanting to admit that A) He was uncomfortable showing too much emotion, and B) He didn't have perfect teeth. They weren't terrible, but they were a little crooked and not as white as he'd liked them to be.

"I'm sure you've got a really nice smile," he suggested, putting a hand on Lukas' shoulder. The smaller boy turned, confused as to why the other cared so much. Finally, after much consideration, he said, "I guess I could show you. But only so you'll stop bothering me." After that, he moved his hand, smiling very hesitantly. As soon as he began to smile, so did Mathias, and at first he thought it was because he was making fun of him, but he mumbled "Whoa" under his breath, and he knew he wasn't joking.

"You know, this whole time I've known you, I haven't really seen you smile. It looks really, really good. I don't think you should cover it," he said. This made Lukas smile wider, and as much as he wanted to bring his hand up to cover it, he kept it in his lap. "See? You're doing better already!"

Lukas couldn't believe it, but this did feel so much better. It was nice to not hide his smile in front of someone besides his family. He didn't think it really deserved praise, though. Just a silly smile, like everyone else's. But the way Mathias seemed to lighten at the sight of it was something different, and he couldn't help but remember the look he'd given him.

* * *

 **You don't understand! I coulda had favorites. I coulda had followers. I coulda gotten REVIEWS, instead of turning into a mediocre fanfic writer, which is what I am.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: "The Prince and the Pauper"**

* * *

 _A/N: Somebody asked about the title. The title is based on the name of the fifth chapter. I chose it as the title for my story because I liked how it sounded. Also, I think of it as not being able to explain something so innocent and sweet. Fun fact: Unexplainable isn't even a word, in case you didn't know. If there is anything you should be concerned about, it's that I'm making up my own words now._

 _ALSO: When I published this story, I already had the first five chapters written. I've had the entire story written since August 1st, ending and all. This is not significant, it just says that the story will be completed._

* * *

Gilbert finally came back, which was a relief to Mathias, who hadn't made a single stupid or immature joke all week. The first thing Gilbert wanted to do was mess with Lukas, but Mathias had said he wasn't going to be mean anymore, and he was really sticking to it this time. I mean, yeah, it was fun before, but not so much anymore.

He actually discovered that it made him feel upset to see anyone mess with Lukas. He didn't know when he developed this feeling, but he did remember the first time he truly felt it.

Recess was at one o'clock every day. Mathias usually played football. He'd noticed that Lukas preferred to read on the steps of the stairs that lead back inside. How he managed to sit there with the weather being so cold, he had no idea. But there he sat, nose in a book, unwavering on most days. Except for one.

There were odd numbers for football because one of the kids that usually played was sick, and someone pointed to Lukas, suggesting that they ask him to join. Mathias had tried to tell them that he wouldn't be interested, but when one of the students went over to talk to him, he actually stood up and came over. Mathias stared, wondering why he even said yes. Maybe he wanted to make more friends. He wasn't sure. Either way, he was put on the team against Mathias and when the game started, he was actually giving an effort.

I mean, it wasn't excellent, but it was still an effort. Lukas was one of those kids that looked fit on the outside but couldn't run thirty feet without breaking a sweat. By the time they were five minutes in, he was already flushed. But he seemed to be doing a little better. He was trying to take the ball from some blond kid he never talked to, and Mathias was sure he was going to be able to take it from him, but before he could, the boy shoved him to the ground. Hard. He proceeded to make a goal, which made a fantastically horrible topper for a fantastically horrible situation.

Mathias walked into things blindly sometimes, and yeah, he probably shouldn't have done it again, but he did. He walked briskly to the other side of the field, stepping over Lukas, and punched the kid in the face. He didn't even know him, but he _did_ know what he'd done to Lukas, and at the time, that seemed like enough reason to tackle him to the ground and break his nose.

"What the hell are you doing, Mathias?" Ned said, trying to pull Mathias away. As hard as Ned pulled, he couldn't get him off, and it was actually the janitor who came over and pulled him away as Mr. Vainamoinen waited with wide eyes behind him. "Mathias Kohler, to the office. Now," he said, pointing to the door. The janitor looked from Mathias to the student,who was now sitting up with blood running out of his nose, then said, "I'll take him." Mathias felt his hand on his shoulder, but he shrugged it off and walked over to Lukas who had been sitting up and watching the fight with wide eyes.

Mathias helped him up, picking a few pieces of dirt out of his hair and flashing a smile. "I guess football isn't for him, huh?" He said, trying to make light of the situation. Lukas just nodded a little and the janitor came over to Mathias again, escorting him back into the building and leaving Lukas fending off questions from eager students about the "awesome fight" that had just happened.

* * *

"Why aren't we leaving yet, mama?"

"We have to pick up Mathias. His mom is busy with work right now. He's going to stay with us for a couple hours," she said, gripping the wheel and checking her hair in the mirror. Lukas sunk down in his seat, grumbling quietly. His mother turned to him, sighing. "I thought you liked him? Did you already change your mind?"

Lukas played with the zipper on his coat and looked down further, talking into the top of his scarf. "I do like him. But he has a really nice house and a whole bunch of nice things. They drink bottled water," he said. His mother laughed and said, "So what? That doesn't make them any better or any different. We have a nice house, too. And you have nice things, Lukas. Besides, friends don't care about things like that."

Just as he was about to say something else, the backseat door opened. "Sorry I'm late," Mathias said, climbing into the backseat and taking off his backpack. He buckled and looked up at Lukas' mom, surprised by how she looked. She was shaped like a squash. He would never tell her that, though. "Hello, ma'am. I'm Mathias but you probably knew that. It's nice meeting you!" He sounded so cheerful that Lukas turned back and stared at him. Had he forgotten about the fight at recess?

"Are you expelled?"

Mathias stopped smiling and rubbed the back of his neck. "No. I have another chance. And detention for three days. But it was definitely worth it. What a jerk."

Lukas sort of nodded and turned to his mother. "A boy pushed me down today and Mathias helped me. But he got in trouble," he said, leaving out a lot of the detail for obvious reasons. She smiled and said, "You need to be more careful next time you try to help."

Mathias nodded in agreement. "Yeah, I know. I guess I learned that the hard way," he said, laughing half-heartedly. There was a good minute of silence before Lukas said, "Where is Emil?" She reached over and patted Lukas' head, smiling widely. "I forgot to tell you! You're dad's off tonight so he's watching Emil. He's probably still practicing though," she said.

Mathias listened to the conversation carefully. So Lukas' parents weren't divorced and his dad did something that required practice? "What does your dad do?" He asked. Before Lukas could answer, his mother said, "He's a music teacher. He composes and conducts a little, too. He's been practicing piano lately."

Mathias laughed slightly at that, not surprised at all. "I bet he pushes that on you, huh?" To his surprise, Lukas shook his head and said, "No," then turned to look back at him. "He asks me. But I like learning about music. He never forced me to learn about it. That's stupid." He crossed his arms and leaned back, waiting for a reply from Mathias, but one never came.

* * *

Mathias went straight up to his room when he got home. He wasn't in the mood to talk to his mom or eat or do homework. He just laid face down on his bed, sighing to himself.

He had never been so upset after visiting someone else's house. Lukas had _everything._ His mom was so nice. He had a clingy little brother who looked up to him. He had a dad who cared about him. And they were all so happy to be around each other. They didn't seem to fight or argue. They were like the families in the movies or on television. Why couldn't he have that?

The first thing he noticed when he walked into their house was the smell. It smelled like cinnamon and old wooden furniture. Also a little bit like someone had just cooked. The second thing he recalled was the sound. It was loud piano. There was a man sitting in the living room slamming his fingers onto the keys. His mom had actually _kissed_ him. Mathias didn't see his parents kiss even before the divorce.

Next, his mom offered Mathias a muffin. At first he expected it to come out of some plastic container, but she uncovered a pan and grabbed one for him. It was still warm, even. His mother _never_ cooked. It was the best thing he'd eaten in a long time.

And Lukas got this every day.

His little brother came downstairs and immediately starting pestering him because he wanted to play, and Lukas had to sigh and say no, which was insane because Mathias wished he had a brother who wanted to play all the time, even if he was little like that. He just knew he would never get tired of him or push him away.

He just wished it could be him. He had one of those families that everyone seemed to strive for. They joked around with each other, actually hugged, did nice things for each other, cooked, were in the same room for more than five minutes at a time without flipping out over something insignificant like leaving a dirty plate on the counter or spilling a glass of water on the floor.

Thinking about Lukas' family reminded him of his own. What about how Lukas saw him? He must have seemed so pathetic with just his mom and his house that smelled like lemon scented cleaner and new leather. It seriously smelled like new car. Or a furniture store. And he hated it. He hated all of it. He hated that they had takeout every single night. He hated that his mom was never around thanks to her stupid job. He hated that his dad didn't care about anything that could possibly make him happy. He hated that he was gone and things would never be like they were before.

It just wasn't fair. How could one person have so much and another get cursed with, well... this? Mathias turned onto his side and looked out his window. He'd have to have something like that one of these days. A cozy house and a wife who could cook and kiss him whenever she saw him. Yeah, he could definitely go for one of those.

* * *

 **Review it again, Sam.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: "Panic! At The Playground"**

* * *

The nurse at school required that every student have a check-up in her office once a month. She checked the basics. Eyes, ears, mouth, hair for lice, etc. Things of that sort. But this time, she was coming in to talk to the entire class for an hour. She rolled out an old television set and took out a tape. Despite her not having said anything yet, they all knew what was going on.

"My brother told me about this," said a student in the front with a sneer. "I don't even need to watch it. I'm still gonna, though."

Mathias and Gilbert were giving each other stupid looks from across the room and Lukas just rolled his eyes, not at all surprised. Gilbert was sticking his index finger into his fist and Mathias was laughing at him from across the room. Mathias knew the gist of sex and puberty and all that, just not in detail. Lukas knew about the same amount, but in a different way. What Mathias knew was based on science while what Lukas knew was based on emotion.

Soon enough, though, they'd be on a similar page. The nurse smiled and said, "Good afternoon, guys! How are you all today?" There was a collective groan, but she continued. "Glad to hear it! I'm sure you guys already know quite a bit about puberty and sexual education but today we're going to learn more. I have a video to show you and then I'll take questions afterwards. Sound good?" Another collective groan. "Good!" She turned the lights off and pressed the play button on the film.

 _". . . Billy has a short friend who may begin to grow later."_

Mathias nudged Lukas. "Hey, that's you!"

The video talked about sweat and acne, which all sounded terrible to Lukas, who reached up to touch his face to make sure there were no bumps on it already.

 _". . . and there is an increase in hair growth."_

"Mathias, what do you think I'd look like with a beard?!" Yelled Gilbert, who was practically out of his chair. Mathias grinned, shook his head, and said, "Ugly."

"Why did they draw a knob like that? What the hell."

"I heard the girls video is worse."

"What the holy hell is THAT?"

Mr. Vainamoinen gave them a look and they stopped talking for a moment. Lukas was glad they were finally shutting up. Everything they were saying just made this puberty thing a lot worse.

"Wait, so HOW deep does it gotta be if it's shooting out into there? Like, all the way in the girl?" Gilbert yelled, turning to the nurse, who made him sit back down.

 _". . . or during a wet dream. Or he may handle himself to cause an . . . "_

Lukas stared at the screen, watching the odd looking drawing with a weird sort of intensity. He glanced over at Mathias, then back at the screen again. It ended in a few minutes with a cheesy fade. All the boys seemed to collectively lean back in their seats when it was over and the nurse stood up at the front again. "Any questions?"

Gilbert's hand shot straight up along with his entire body and he was nearly standing on his chair. "Yeah I have one. So how far do you have to stick your penis into the girl to get her to have your baby? Like all the way or just partially? Or what? Do you use the entire penis?"

The nurse blinked, turned to Mr. Vainamoinen, who gave an apologetic shrug, then turned back to Gilbert. "Well, you don't need to use the entire penis, I suppose. But most men would use the entire penis, Mr. Beilschmidt. Thank you. More questions?"

Lukas timidly raised his hand. "Yes. Does it hurt?"

She looked at him curiously. "Does what hurt?" Now Lukas regretted even speaking. Everyone in the class was looking at him and he felt his face burning. "Does it hurt to . . . " _Oh, great. Just say it. It's just a silly word._ "To ejaculate?"

The nurse smiled for some reason as did a couple of boys in the classroom. Even Mr. Vainamoinen smiled at that. "Nope. Doesn't hurt a bit," she said as she took out the tape and put it back in its faded box. "Those were good questions! Thank you, guys!" With that, she left and it was time for recess.

* * *

"Why are we here?"

Gilbert had taken Mathias to the side of the school out of view of everyone else and they were pacing around the same square on the sidewalk. "I heard you beat up that kid because he pushed Lukas. Did something happen when I was gone?"

Mathias looked around and shrugged awkwardly. "I think he's pretty cool. He's nice." Gilbert starting circling him suspiciously, saying "hm" and "I see" every so often. "Mathias, you didn't even punch that guy who tripped me in the hall that time."

"Yeah, that's because you got up and punched him yourself. You didn't need me."

"You think he needs you to fight for him or something," he sighed, rubbing his forehead. "But I don't think he needs you. Plus, there are plenty of people who get treated like crap. Why aren't you defending them, too?"

Gilbert had made a really good point. He was smart at the worst of times. He didn't really have an excuse if this was the argument. I mean, what was he supposed to say? "He's really nice," he said, hoping that would be enough. Gilbert still circled him, though. "Well if you like him so much, maybe he should be your new best friend!"

Mathias was taken aback. "What? Gilbert, I don't want him to be my best friend. You're my best friend." It was like Gilbert wasn't even listening. He turned away and crossed his arms. Mathias sighed loudly. "Look. I don't like him like that."

This caught Gilbert's attention and he faced Mathias again, one eyebrow raised. "What? You don't like him like what? What the hell does that even mean?" Mathias thought over his words, wondering what they meant himself. I mean, it was weird, but he didn't feel the same way for Gilbert that he did for Lukas. It was weird that he defended him the other day. Why had he even done it and not defended anyone else before now?

He hadn't even defended his best friend but he was defending someone he'd known for almost three months? He thought about it for a second. Liking Gilbert was like enjoying a good television show or fast food or a video game. But liking Lukas was like enjoying the way snow looked after it had just fallen or the taste of a warm pastry or the way it felt to be going down a steep hill on a sled.

"I just think you are both really different and have different nice things to offer," he said, not knowing how to explain it any better aloud. Gilbert nodded slightly, but didn't look happy. "Fine. I guess I see your point," he said at last. Mathias let out a breath, relieved. "Good. We should probably go back. I don't want to get in more trouble."

* * *

After the sexual education video, Lukas didn't really feel like talking to anyone or hearing about it anymore, but that's all the boys were talking about. Everywhere he went he could hear them muttering things about penises and sex under their breaths and he couldn't deal with it anymore. He finally sneaked away to the side of the school. He breathed out a sigh of relief and slid down the wall.

The minute he sat down, he heard talking and saw Mathias and Gilbert turning the corner. He hid behind the nearest tree, not in the mood to be harassed by Gilbert at the moment. He watched them silently, listening to their argument, which was surprisingly about him. It seemed that Gilbert was jealous.

That was just great, too, because it gave him another reason to be mean. But Gilbert did bring up a good point when he mentioned Mathias defending him. It was really nice to have him there to help him, but on the other hand, why was he doing it? Perhaps he should have been a little more wary, but he seemed honest enough, didn't he?

"Look, I don't like him like that."

Lukas peeked out from behind the tree, staring at Mathias. How did he like him? What? Did that mean he wasn't really interested in being his friend or... ?

By the end of the conversation, Lukas didn't know what to think. He wanted to ask him why he had defended him, but he didn't want him to know he'd been eavesdropping. He looked down, not knowing what to do, exactly. Maybe he could find a way to casually bring the question up.

He waited until school was over to tap Mathias on the shoulder. Everyone was already out in the hallway, as it was Friday and they were eager to go home. "Mathias, I need to ask you something," he said, making Mathias raise an eyebrow. Was Lukas mad for some reason? Had he said something wrong?

Lukas began to speak, but he noticed Mr. Vainamoinen was still at his desk, so he grabbed Mathias' hand and led him out to the empty playground. Once they were outside, he sat on a swing so he wouldn't just be standing there awkwardly. He'd at least have one form of distraction. Mathias seemed to be growing impatient. "What's wrong?" He said, standing in front of him. Lukas stared at the woodchips on the ground, not knowing how to begin.

"How come you beat that boy up?" He said, gripping the chains on the swing tighter. Mathias stuttered for a moment before actually answering. "Wh... ? He pushed you."

Lukas nodded and tightened his scarf. "But you didn't have to. Plus, lots of people are pushed when you guys play and I never see you help them," he replied, looking up at Mathias for a brief second before looking back down. It made no sense, really. Mathias had no real excuse.

"I... well, I just like you. You're really nice and stuff," he said as he kicked around the woodchips. Lukas watched him and pulled on the chains of the swing a little, pumping his legs a bit.

"I like you, too," he replied. Mathias smiled slightly, but wouldn't look at him for some reason. Finally, he said, "Lukas, does it feel weird to like me? I mean, not that it feels weird for me to like you or anything stupid like that, but just like... weird?" Mathias wished he would have been able to explain himself better, but he wasn't even sure what he meant. Lukas shook his head, pumping his legs harder. "No, I don't feel weird. Is it a bad weird?"

That was a good question. It didn't feel like a bad weird to Mathias. Actually, it felt like a good weird. "No, it doesn't feel bad at all. I think this is a really good feeling," he said with a smile as he watched Lukas drag his feet a little in the dirt as he slowed the swing down. He stepped off and looked up at Mathias, who didn't know what else he was supposed to say.

Lukas just stood there, hands in his pockets and face half buried into the scarf on his neck. It was absolutely freezing outside and he couldn't even feel his nose anymore. He looked up at Mathias expectantly, but Mathias just stood there, not knowing what to do at all.

 _Hug me, you idiot. Why are you just standing there?_ He thought to himself, stepping a tiny bit closer to the taller boy, who still stood there like a dummy, eyes fixed on Lukas. _Please hug me, please hug me, please hug me . . ._

Mathias reached out and patted his shoulder awkwardly, not wanting to scare him with a hug or anything like that. I mean, could he hug him or would that be weird? Should he ask? He probably hated being touched. But then again, he hated a lot of things. It was worth a shot, he thought as he gave Lukas an incredibly awkward hug. Little did he know, Lukas was enjoying the hug like it was the best thing that had happened to him since he'd been in Copenhagen.

Lukas was so caught up that he almost didn't even hug him back. It was a nice hug, too. It felt safe and warm and happy. And he smelled like a pine tree a little. Sort of sugary but also a little cold. The hug didn't last as long as he'd liked, but it was still really pleasant and it made Lukas feel so nice and happy that he didn't even care.

* * *

Gilbert was chatting away to Ned, who grumbled occasionally but listened nonetheless. They were headed out to the playground to look for Mathias. They hadn't noticed that he wasn't following them until they were almost out of the school. They immediately turned around and began to search for him, not finding him anywhere inside, so they figured he must have been on the playground.

Gilbert was the first to walk out and Ned trailed closely behind. Suddenly, Gilbert whispered, "Look! Quick, behind that fence!" He leapt behind a wooden fence put up to close in a little garden and peeked through the slabs. "Look, he's with Lukas!"

Ned squinted and peeked out at them. "You mean that pretty boy?" They both stared over the fence for a second.

"Look! He's getting off of the swing!" Gilbert smiled and nudged Ned, who slumped down and said, "Just tell me what's happening." Gilbert continued to watch, a stupid grin on his face.

"He's really close to him! Like, RIGHT in front of him. Ned, Mathias touched his shoulder!" Gilbert laughed. "He looks like he's going to be sick or something! Now he-"

Gilbert stared with big eyes. "Whoa. Ned, he TOTALLY just hugged him. Not a side hug, either. He gave him a good solid hug." Now Ned was scrambling to get a look, but he just caught the end of it. "Whoa, you weren't lying. Weird."

They both stared at each other, then started to laugh. "I can't believe it! Did you see? Wow. I've gotta ask him about this. Ned, what if he likes him? You know, like maybe he's gay for him. That would be so weird."

"I have a gay uncle. He's cool but he really likes Madonna and Vogue magazines."

"What is Vogue?"

"It's like, this magazine for gay men, I think."

Gilbert shrugged. "Oh. Let me go ask him if he likes that stuff! HEY, MATHIAS!"

* * *

 **I've always relied on the reviews of strangers.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8: "Laceless Boxers and Fist Fights"**

* * *

"LUDWIG, GET OUT OF MY ROOM! Dad! DAAAAD!"

Gilbert scrambled off of his bed and grabbed Ludwig, throwing him over his shoulder. "STAY OUT OF MY ROOM, TURD!" He yelled, dropping him on the hallway floor and slamming his door shut. "He's so annoying! Anyways, ladies, sorry you had to see that," he said as he collapsed onto his bed next to Mathias and Ned who were both playing videogames.

"Gil, why don't you have clothes on?" Ned asked. Gilbert stood on the bed and did a pelvic thrust. "I am wearing clothes!"

Mathias put the controller down. "Boxers don't count as clothes."

"AT LEAST I DON'T WEAR TIGHTEY WHITEYS LIKE YOU DO, MATHIAS!"

Mathias huffed and crossed his arms. "Yeah right!" He stood and dropped his pants. "I wear boxer briefs, bitch."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING bitch?" Gilbert punched Mathias in the chest and tackled him onto the floor. "I DON'T FIGHT LIKE A BITCH!" Mathias laughed as Gilbert repeatedly punched him in the chest. Ned pushed Gilbert off and continued to play the video game, but now Gilbert was scrambling to get up. He kicked Ned in the stomach and that's what really started it.

Within minutes, Ned was on the floor, Gilbert was standing on the bed, and Mathias was locked in the closet. He banged on the door. "Gilbert. Gil! NED! Lemme out!" Both boys stared at the closet door, then at each other.

They both leaned against the door and smiled. "Nope, that's where you're sleeping tonight," said Gilbert, snickering to himself. Mathias sighed and tried to open the door again. "Yeah, real funny. Open up."

Ned started to unlock the door but was stopped by Gilbert. "Okay but only if you agree to play truth or dare with us," he said. Mathias hated truth or dare. Gilbert loved it. He came up with the worst questions and the worst dares. It even made Ned uneasy to have to do one of his dares. Last time they played this game it ended with Ned choking on a piece of a pickle and Gilbert cackling in the corner.

"Fine, I'll play your stupid game. Not like I have a choice," he said at last. Gilbert unlocked the door and they all sat on the bed. For some reason, Gilbert told Mathias to pick somebody first. He figured Gilbert would have wanted to give out the first dare. He looked at the two of them, then said, "Ned, truth or dare?"

"Dare."

Mathias looked around. "Uh. I dare you to stick your knob out the window and take a piss." Ned unzipped his pants and walked over to the window, opening it. They both walked over, watching the steady stream of urine fall out from the second story window and into an already yellowed patch of grass. "Jesus, have you been pissing out your window, Gil?" Ned asked, zipping his pants back up. Gilbert laughed but didn't answer.

"Gross. Hey Gil, truth or dare."

Surprisingly, Gilbert picked truth. "Hm. Do you like that girl you were talking to the other day? The one with the long hair?" Gilbert laughed and stood up on the bed, hands on his hips. "Yeah right! Elizaveta? She doesn't even have any boobies."

Mathias raised an eyebrow like he wanted to add on to that, but he really didn't know what to say, so Gilbert continued. "Hey, look what I found in my dads room the other day when he was at work." He reached under his bed and pulled out a folded up poster of a blonde woman in just a pair of pink panties. Gilbert smiled and Ned actually blushed a little, but Mathias just stared at it.

Okay, so... she had boobs? I mean, they were what they were. They looked like how he expected boobs to look. She had a nice face, too. A pretty nose. Mathias shrugged and looked away, not really amused. Gilbert nudged him. "She's pretty hot, right?"

Mathias rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, she's pretty," he said. Gilbert and Ned looked at each other, then at Mathias.

"Pretty? Her boobies are pretty? They're boobies."

He looked at the picture again. "Yeah, well. They're really round, I guess. She's cute." He shrugged, not knowing what they expected him to say. Gilbert slowly folded up the paper and stuck it back under his bed. "Hey, Mathias. Truth or dare."

"Dare."

Gilbert grinned maniacally. "I dare you to call Lukas."

Ned smiled and leaned back against the bedpost. "Nice one."

"What? I don't even have his number!"

Gilbert ran into the hall, grabbed the phone, and ran back. "I bet your mom does! Call her and get the number or you're a chicken and I'll LOCK YOU BACK IN THE CLOSET!"

Mathias grimaced as he punched in his mothers number. He wished she wouldn't have answered and given the number to him. He hung up and called Lukas' number. His mother answered and he almost hung up, but Gilbert forced him to ask for Lukas.

"What am I even supposed to say to him?" He asked. Gilbert rubbed his hands together excitedly and scooted closer. "Don't worry. Put it on speaker. I'll whisper to you, okay? Repeat after me."

 _"Hello?"_

They all gathered around the phone and Gilbert had already begun to whisper into Mathias' ear.

"... Good evening, miss..."

 _"What?"_

" ...What are you w-..." Mathias glared at Gilbert. "I can't ask him that!" Gilbert and Ned both started dragging him towards the closet and he quickly yelled, "What are you wearing!"

 _"...that isn't funny."_

"... Please be my girlfriend..."

Ned and Gilbert couldn't stop laughing. Mathias couldn't hear anything and he thought Lukas had hung up, but then he said,

 _"Gilbert is stupid."_

Mathias smiled, relieved that Lukas knew this wasn't his doing. "Yeah, he is. Sorry for calling."

"I DIDN'T TELL YOU TO SAY THAT, YOU TURD!" Gilbert tackled Mathias to the floor and grabbed the phone. "MATHIAS WANTED ME TO TELL YOU THAT HE IS VERY GAY FOR YOU AND HE WANTS TO GIVE YOU A WET KISS!" Mathias grabbed the phone so hard he could hear the plastic backing snap off and he punched Gilbert right in the jaw, but he was still laughing with Ned.

"Lukas, I'm real sorry. I definitely don't want to kiss you."

"... _I_ _need to go. Goodnight."_

With that, Lukas was gone, and Mathias was just about ready to kill Gilbert.

* * *

Lukas stared at the phone as he rocked back in forth on his bed, eyes welling up with big, watery tears. He ran out of his room and downstairs where his mother was sitting on the couch reading a book. He plopped down next to her and broke into a sob, causing her to turn and stare at him. "Lukas? What's wrong!?" She pulled him closer and patted his back. "Why are you crying?"

He shuddered as he tried to catch his breath and he couldn't even look at her. He had felt this build up for weeks now and he had finally reached his breaking point. "Mama, I think there's something wrong with me and I... " He buried his face into his hands and curled up on the couch. She patted his back, leaned down, and kissed his cheek. "Lukas, what is it? You can tell me. I'm sure there is absolutely nothing wrong."

His hair was starting to stick to his cheeks and his eyes were puffy and red. "I can't tell you because you'll think I'm weird," he said, crying softer. She almost laughed at that, knowing that there was nothing that could turn her from him. She patted his shoulder and said, "Try me. I pinky promise it isn't as big as you think."

After a few sniffles, he sat up and looked at her. "Do you, um," he wiped his nose on his sleeve. "Did you ever see a girl and want to kiss her?"

Now his mother really laughed. "It's normal to see a girl and want to kiss her, Lukas!"

He broke into a completely new fit of sobs and buried his face into his arm. She blinked, wondering what she had said wrong. Suddenly it hit her and her eyes widened. "Oh, you mean have _I_ ever seen a girl and wanted to kiss her?" She asked, leaning in closer. Lukas looked up and nodded slightly, wiping a tear off his neck.

"Ah. Well, I haven't, really. But I know some girls who see other girls and want to kiss them. Why are you asking?" She said, pulling him into her arms. He tried not to cry anymore, but it just made his throat burn. "I think sometimes I see boys that I like. That I like like," he whispered, immediately starting to cry again. His mother stared at him and actually laughed a little.

"Aw, Lukas. That's normal! You really had me scared!" She kissed his head and wiped the tears off of his cheeks. He stared up at her with widened eyes. "Really?"

She nodded. He stood up and paced the floor uncomfortably. "Then why are people so mean about it? Everyone makes jokes about boys kissing a-and..." More tears rolled down his cheeks. "Why do they do that? Is it gross?"

"No. No. Absolutely not. They're gross for saying that. You just keep being a good person, Lukas. Keep being you. Don't let anyone or anything make you feel bad. I know a lot of boys who like other boys."

Lukas smiled a little. "So it isn't just me?"

"No," she laughed lightly and stood up. "Nope. Come on, Lukas. You need to get back to bed. We can talk more about it in the morning."

* * *

 **Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my reviews.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9: "The Winter of Our Content"**

* * *

 _ **If you are interested in following me on Tumblr for some strange reason, it's Edwin-ratburg. Thanks!**_

* * *

The school days were passing by and soon, November would pass, too. The skies looked bleak every day and eventually, it snowed. Lukas climbed out of bed and looked out his window, blinded inititally by the stark white ground. It was a thick sheet and he guessed that school had been cancelled. His mother came up and confirmed that school had been cancelled for the day. He smiled, relieved to not have to go back today.

But they'd probably have the snow cleaned up by tomorrow, anyways. Lukas ran downstairs, ate a quick breakfast, then curled up on the couch. He flipped through the channels on the television, trying to find a good show on daytime television, which was like trying to find a needle in a haystack.

Finally he settled on some terrible soap opera. He could feel Emil climbing onto the couch with him. He was eating a bowl of dry cheerios and playing with a hole on his pajama shirt. "Lukas, I don't want to watch this, I want to watch cartoons," he whined. Lukas sat up and looked at him. "There aren't any cartoons on, Emil."

Emil whined loudly and rolled off of the couch. He was silent for a moment before saying, "Lukey poopy, that's your new name."

Lukas shot him a look. "You still wet the bed," he replied, crossing his arms. Emil huffed and stood up to climb onto the couch again. "Do not!"

"Do, too. Mama told me you did."

Emil's cheeks burned and he climbed onto Lukas' back and pulled on his hair. "Well she lied! I never, ever pee the bed!" Just as he Lukas was about to retaliate, the phone rang. He got up, Emil still clinging to his neck, and answered it.

"Hello?"

 _"Hey! Lukas? That's you, right?"_

Lukas immediately pulled Emil off and ran upstairs to his room, locking the door behind him. "Yes."

 _"I thought so. I was wondering if you wanted to maybe go sledding? There's a pretty big hill by the school."_

He clutched the phone tighter and actually ran downstairs again to the kitchen where his mother was sitting at her computer. "Yes. But I don't have a sled."

 _"Oh, well we could share?"_

Lukas really tried not to smile, but he could feel one etching out on his face and his mother was watching him curiously. "When?"

 _"An hour?"_

"See you then, Mathias," he replied. He hung up and looked at his mother with big eyes. "Mama, can I go sledding with Mathias today, please? I'll walk, you don't have to drive me. Please?"

She nodded and he ran upstairs to get ready.

* * *

Mathias saw Lukas standing by the swingset and walked over, a grin already plastered on his face. "Lukas! Come on, it's this way," he said, grabbing Lukas' hand and leading him to the side of the school. There was a hill that lead down to a track they used sometimes for gym class. It was a large hill and fairly steep. There were already ramps made out of snow from the people who had been there earlier. There were also other people sledding there. Adults, kids, even a woman with her dog.

"Lukas, you can sit in the back and I'll sit in the front. Or you can sit in the front?" Mathias said, pulling the sled to the top of the hill. Lukas looked at it and took a seat in the front. He could feel Mathias sitting behind him. They went down once and the sled went surprisingly fast. Mathias hauled it back up the hill again, but this time, he sat in the front.

When they started down, Lukas wasn't sure how, but he'd fallen off the end and slid a little down the hill. As soon as Mathias felt him fall off, he dug his heel into the snow, stopped the sled, and stood back up. "What did you do?" He started pulling the sled back up the hill and helped Lukas up. The smaller boy shook his head and shrugged. "Well, do you still want to ride in the back? You can go up front."

Lukas pouted a little. "The wind stings," he said. He climbed onto the back of the sled adamantly and Mathias stared at him for a second before sitting in the front. Before he pushed off, he reached back, grabbed Lukas' hand, and wrapped it around his own torso.

Despite the coldness, Lukas thought he might melt. He held onto Mathias tightly, trying to contain his happiness. He clutched Mathias' shirt a little and rested his cheek on his back for just a very short moment. He hoped Mathias couldn't feel it. He was sure he wouldn't have been able to feel it through his coat, anyway.

As soon as they reached the bottom, Mathias stood up and climbed once more to the top, sled in tow. "Hey, Lukas, bet you won't go down by yourself and hit one of those ramps," he said, pointing to a mound of snow near the bottom. Lukas huffed, shot a haughty look at Mathias, and took the sled, positioning it to hit the ramp. He didn't think about it too much or he would have backed out. He sat on the wooden boards and pushed off with his hands, continuing to push on his way down to gain speed.

The ramp stopped the sled in its tracks, but that doesn't mean it stopped Lukas, who fell the rest of the way down. Mathias ran down, sliding most of the way. "Lukas! Ah, Jesus. Hey!" He knelt and shook the smaller boys shoulder. To his surprise, Lukas was laughing. He stared with big eyes, going over his face again to make sure he wasn't actually crying.

"What the hell! Why are you laughing?" He pulled Lukas to his feet. Lukas brushed the snow off of his clothes and his smile faded back into his neutral expression. "It was fun," he replied as he started back up. Mathias followed closely behind, a worried look on his face.

"So you're okay? You're not hurt or anything?"

Lukas shrugged and pointed to his side. "My side hurts a little. And my thigh, too. I probably have a bruise." He sat down the sled again and climbed on top of it. Mathias pouted, putting a hand on Lukas' shoulder to stop him from pushing off. "You're just gonna go again?" Lukas looked at Mathias' hand for a moment before saying, "You could go with me. It isn't so bad."

Mathias smiled after that, still a little worried, but if Lukas enjoyed it, there was no way it was that bad. He sat behind him and pushed off. Not surprisingly, the sled lodged in the ramp and the both flew forward. When they both came back to their senses, Mathias was flailed across Lukas and Lukas was staring up at the sky, giggling. The taller boy pushed himself up onto his hands and stared down at Lukas, utterly confused, but almost as amused. He laughed, too, relaxing a little.

"Yeah, that wasn't painless. But not bad," he said, staring at Lukas for a moment, whose smile was fading. He nervously cleared his throat. "Uh, you, er-" He spotted Lukas' hairpin in the snow and lifted it up, letting out a nervous laugh. "This is yours." He slid the clip back into its place. Lukas tried not to smile, but he could already feel one forming. He quickly brought up a hand and covered it.

Mathias scoffed slightly and grabbed Lukas' hand. "I thought you stopped that?" He asked, pinning his hand in the snow. Lukas' lips twitched a little as he tried to keep the same neutral expression. Finally he couldn't help but to smile. At that point, Mathias sat up, allowing Lukas to do the same. They both stared at each other for a moment. "You got snow in your hair, stupid," Lukas said, brushing flakes of snow out of the other boys hair. They both smiled and stood up.

Lukas' cheeks were red and splotchy. For Mathias it was mostly his nose that was a little red. It was freezing, their bodies both hurt a bit from going over the terribly constructed ramp, and they decided to treck up the hill one more time. Mathias took the sled up to the bike rack and locked it, muttering something about picking it up when the weather was a little better.

They both started to walk towards Lukas' house. Mathias was staying for a bit until his mother could pick him up. The warmth of the house was absolutely incredible. Both boys started undressing right in the doorway. They took off as much as possible while still keeping their decency, dropping the soaked clothes on a doormat. Lukas saw his mother drinking coffee in the kitchen and looking through a magazine with Emil on her lap. She smiled when she saw them come in.

"Hey, Mathias! How are you? You both look so cold," she said, pushing her magazine out of Emils range. Lukas sat at the table and Mathias did the same. "I'm great! Thanks for asking." He smiled and turned to Lukas, who still had bright red cheeks. "Lukas pretty much flew today. Got a good five feet of air. Honestly surprised he isn't hurt."

Lukas rolled his eyes and punched him in the arm before standing up and reaching for a mug. "I am not hurt, though, mama."

Mathias almost snickered. _Mama_. His mother started asking him questions, but Mathias couldn't understand what she was saying at all. Lukas responded the same. In Norwegian. His mother then smiled wider and raised an eyebrow, nodding at Mathias faintly. She muttered something secretly and Lukas became visably flustered. He said something back. It sounded kind of angry and he was clearly pouting. He poured a glass of milk and sat back down, giving his mother a sharp look.

The woman just smiled and gathered her things, including Emil, and let them be, but he could still hear her laughing in the room over. "I'm sorry about that, Mathias," he said, sitting next to him.

"Nah, no big deal," he said, getting up and grabbing himself a mug. He just filled it with water, though, and didn't sit back down. "I like your mom. Wait, I meant your mama, sorry." He laughed to himself, but Lukas was not amused. "That's what she is," he said sharply, giving Mathias a stern look. Mathias shrugged and sipped his water.

"I'm only teasing," he said, tapping his finger on the side of the mug and thinking for a moment. "Hey, uh... I'm sorry about Gilbert the other night. He's so stupid. He dared me to call you and if I didn't he was going to lock me in his closet and it smells like old shoes in there, so. Yeah, I'm real sorry."

Lukas measured his words and nodded. "I thought so," was all he said. The taller boy inwardly groaned. He wanted to know it didn't bother Lukas and he really couldn't tell if it did or not. "Lukas, come on. You're not mad, are you?"

Where was this coming from? Why did Mathias think he was mad? "No. I'm not mad at all," he replied, looking a little more worried. "Did it make _you_ mad?"

Mathias took a deep breath and shrugged. He hadn't really thought about that. He supposed it did make him a little mad. Lukas stood up and put his empty milk glass in the sink. "It was just a dumb joke, wasn't it?"

Good question. Was it a dumb joke? He was sure it was a dumb joke to Gilbert, but something in him told him there was something truly disheartening about it. It wasn't funny to him at all to joke about kissing Lukas or anything like that. He had really wanted to beat up Gilbert at that moment, not even playfully. Yeah, it had definitely pissed him off.

"I just don't think it was funny," he replied, laying his head down on the table. Lukas stood in front of him and shrugged a little. "Well," he began as he leaned against the table. "Why wasn't it? You say things like that to other people. I've heard you."

Mathias shrugged again and shook his head. "It was embarrassing." He played with a salt shaker on the table, refusing to make eye contact with the other boy. Lukas finally sat down next to him and pushed the salt shaker out of his reach. "If you know it isn't true, you shouldn't feel bad," he said quietly. Mathias mumbled and lifted his head, only to drop it again. "I don't really care if he made you say that to me, Mathias," he said at last, looking down at his feet.

Mathias immediately smiled and looked up, happy as ever. "Good. I mean, not that I think you'd be gross to kiss or anything. Plus I'm not gay," he said with a weird kind of pride. Lukas let out a little sound that he realized might have come off as disappointment, but he was pretty sure Mathias didn't even notice.

Honestly though, it felt like a nasty sting for Lukas to hear him say it like that. Like it was such a terrible thing. "Do you even know what gay means?"

"Of course I do! It's like... two men who are super girly and they kiss and stuff."

Lukas sighed a little but tried to keep his composure. "Maybe they kiss because they love each other. I don't think gay people can help it," he said. Mathias smirked and leaned back, rolling his eyes. "A lot of people choose to be gay. I could choose to be gay but that's stupid."

It took all Lukas had to not just yell at him for being so idiotic. "Mathias, you don't choose to like girls, do you? It's the same thing. They don't choose to like boys. They just... do."

"Whatever. I'm just saying that I'm not."

Lukas felt a lump forming in his throat. That tone. It came down to that tone he used when talking about it that really truly stung. "If I was gay, would you still be my friend?" He regretted asking when he saw Mathias give him the weirdest look he'd ever given him. It looked like a cross between curiosity, disgust, and surprise. He finally shrugged and said, "That's different. You're really nice and you're my friend. I know you aren't bad."

"But other people who are gay are bad?!" He was really, really trying to keep it in, but his face was getting hotter and he was on his feet in a flash, the tension in his throat releasing in the form of tears. "People who are gay can't help it just like you can't help however you feel! I don't know why you are saying stupid things!" He suddenly felt like he was going to throw up and he didn't want to talk anymore. He ran to the bathroom and slammed the door shut.

Mathias just stared at the bathroom door, taking in what just happened. Lukas flipped out on him for disagreeing with his opinion on gay people? Why did he even care? He got up and knocked on the door. "Look, we don't even have to talk about it anymore! We can just pretend it didn't happen," he yelled. "Lukas?"

Lukas locked the door and started crying nervously. _Now he knows_ , he thought to himself, more tears rolling down his cheeks. He was completely and utterly miserable. He hadn't felt this bad since he had told his mother how he felt about Mathias. He explained that he sort of had a crush on him, and that had been really hard for him to admit. And now here he was, most likely confessing to Mathias with his actions.

He didn't answer when Mathias yelled. He just sat on the edge of the tub, knowing this was just making everything worse, but he couldn't face him right now. He had acted so disgusted and he couldn't take it. He already felt bad about feeling that way, like he should think something else, but he just couldn't imagine himself ever kissing a girl. The idea was so foreign to him.

"Lukas, I'm really sorry! I didn't know how important this was to you! Please open the door," Mathias yelled. He knocked loudly on the door until he heard footsteps behind him. His mother. She knocked softly and jiggled the doorknob. "Lukas? It's me. You need to open up the door."

He stared grimly at the door and opened it a tiny bit. Just for her, though. She smiled a little and tried to pry the door open a little more. "What's wrong?"

He wiped the tears off of his cheeks and looked out at Mathias, who was watching with widened eyes. He just shook his head and cried harder, feeling so embarrassed but not being able to take it back now. He should have just stopped while was ahead and talked it out with Mathias instead of crying in the bathroom.

Luckily, his mother seemed to sense what was going on and she ushered Mathias into the living room. She talked to him until his mother came to get him, though it was tense. Both of them were worried but neither was brave enough to talk about it. Once he was gone, she went back to the bathroom and nudged the door open.

"Okay, Lukas Christian. We're going to have a talk."

* * *

 **"It's so much darker when a light goes out than it would have been if it had never shone." ~ _John Steinbeck (The Winter of Our Discontent)_**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10: "No use crying over broken glass"**

* * *

 ** _A/N: ***DISCLAIMER***:_** _I would like to remind all readers that I am NOT Danish and have NEVER been to Denmark, so it can be assumed that I have definitely never been to Copenhagen. This means that some of my information could be skewed. I have done my fair share of research, but some things were more difficult to find out than others. Some things I could find virtually no information on. Some things are inaccurate and I am aware of their inaccuracy, but I thought it would benefit to the plot to write what I know instead of what I am completely unsure about._

 _That being said, if you would like me to point out the errors of each chapter due to my lack of knowledge on Copenhagen, I will. Just ask and I'll start putting notes at the bottom. (EX: Halloween isn't commonly celebrated in Denmark.)_

 _Thank you!_

* * *

Lukas couldn't even look at Mathias for the next couple weeks. Whenever they had to work together, he said as little as possible and was careful to keep his distance. Mathias wasn't happy about it at all. He tried to get him to talk more, but he failed every single time. But he still kept trying. In class, during recess, during lunch, during art, music, and orchestra. He managed to either shrug, shake his head, or nod, but no more.

It was so painful to see Lukas like that, too. He didn't smile, he didn't laugh, and his eyes were always downcast. He had no clue what to do. He even tried to talk to his own mother about Lukas, but she didn't give any advice. She nodded and then answered her phone after one ring. Not that he expected her to do any better. He considered going to the school counselor, but she was so busy and he didn't really care for her after she yelled at him in second grade.

So he and Lukas both suffered in their own ways. Lukas wanted so badly to speak to Mathias, but he couldn't talk to someone who thought such mean things about something a person couldn't control. There were times when he almost broke and spoke to him, but he'd always find a way to keep his emotions under wraps, as always.

This day was no different, either. They had just finished their book and were asked to do a visual representation of any moment in the book with a reason as to why they picked that moment. Lukas was scribbling out his picture and Mathias was leaning over watching. "Why'd you pick that moment?" He asked curiously. Lukas just shrugged, as expected.

That little shrug was it. The straw the broke the camels back. Mathias couldn't take it anymore. He turned to face him completely and sighed. "That's it. I didn't even DO anything! I don't know why you're acting like this! Do you know how awful it makes me feel?"

Lukas slowly put his pencil down and stood up. Many people had turned their heads at Mathias' outburst, but now everyone was staring in their direction. And Lukas just... couldn't find it in himself to care. "I know what it's like to feel awful," he said apathetically. Mathias stood up, too, knocking a glass jar full of coloured pencils onto the floor by accident. The glass shattered loudly and Mr. Vainamoinen was staring at the both of them.

"Please sit down, Mathias. You too, Lukas," he said, walking over to their desk. Mathias was the only one who sat down, though it was mainly because he couldn't risk being expelled. Lukas, on the other hand, ran out, leaving his things behind.

Mr. Vainamoinen stared at the door and called someone quickly, then hung up before calling another person. "Everyone please keep working!" He said, looking anxiously at the door. Finally, the janitor showed up. Mathias watched him walk over to the pile of glass and begin to sweep it up. He had to pick up a few of the trickier pieces with his hands, but it didn't seem to be a problem until he got a small cut.

Mr. Vainamoinen watched over his shoulder, noticing the tiny cut. "Oh, let me help you!" He grabbed the mans hand and pulled him over to his desk. He dug around for a bandage, finally pulling out one with Mickey Mouses on it. The teacher shrugged a little and let out a giggle.

Mathias was watching the entire display with great curiosity. Why was Mr. Vainamoinen smiling like that? And why was he holding his hand like that? And why was he looking at him like that? Were they friends? But friends didn't hold hands like that. It reminded him of Lukas. A lot.

Then it hit him that the entire thing was like how his parents acted when he was little. It was like love. But they were both men. I mean, Mr. Vainamoinen could have been gay. But he was really nice. He couldn't really tell. But he looked really happy, too.

Mathias looked anxiously at the door and stood up. Before anyone could stop him, he ran out in search for Lukas, and he knew just where to look.

* * *

Lukas slid down one of the bookshelves and buried his face in his arms, just wanting to go home at this point. He felt like a freak and he couldn't stand it. At least the librarian wasn't saying anything.

"Have you seen Lukas?"

 _"Oh, him? Yes, he's right over there."_

 _Old witch, ratting me out like that,_ he thought, squinting at her counter. Mathias came and sat by him. He tried to get up and leave, but Mathias grabbed ahold of his wrist and pulled him back down. "Wait a second! I believe you," he whispered. Lukas rolled his eyes and scooted away as far as he could.

"About?"

Mathias smiled a little. "I don't think it's a choice. You're right. I think there are really nice gay people and I am really sorry. I was just being stupid and I didn't know I was being mean." He scooted up next to Lukas, who didn't move. _Thank goodness._

"Really?"

"Yes. I think Mr. Vainamoinen might be gay. But I don't really know, he was just acting really weird around the janitor. Like he had a crush on him or something. And _he's_ really nice and he's super smart."

Lukas nodded and actually scooted a little closer to Mathias, really having missed him over the past two weeks. "I'm sorry I cried. That was stupid," he admitted sheepishly. Mathias shrugged and said, "Everyone has moments, right? Your mom said you'd been feeling kind of bad lately."

"I'm okay."

"Is it because you're gay?"

Lukas nearly jumped and his face burned. He immediately scooted away, his eyes feeling like they were going to melt out of his head from the increase in heat. They were almost watering. Seriously. And he couldn't look at Mathias. "No!" He replied, hugging his knees to his chest.

Mathias laughed a little. "But you're red! And liars like to blush!" He scooted closer again and tried to look at his face. "It kind of hit me, you know? And I don't care. You're a really good friend and I like you a lot," he said as he stood up, offering a hand to Lukas, who just stared at him.

"So you... wouldn't care?" Lukas took his hand and stood up. "Really?"

Mathias nodded happily, glad that this was all that was wrong. Lukas smiled faintly and just stood there, wanting to give him a hug, but not having the bravery it took to make a move. The taller blond could sense it, though, and he hugged him tightly. "If anyone is ever mean to you about it, just tell me, okay? I'll beat them up," he said with a little laugh. "But seriously, I will."

Lukas closed his eyes and smiled a little wider. "You don't have to. Just don't tell anyone."

Mathias nodded in agreement and finally let go of him. "Come on, we should get back to class before we get in trouble."

Lukas nodded and they both walked back together.

* * *

 **A review a day keeps the fanfic from going away!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11: "Tonight! Mathias The Magnificent and The Great Escape!"**

* * *

 _ **A/N: I'd like to apologize for any spelling errors, especially in the first eight chapters. I had no spell check for any of those chapters and I'm trying to go back in and correct my mistakes. Thank you!**_

 _ **P.S. I'm sorry for posting this in September! I know it's early for a chapter like this. But if it makes you feel better, I wrote it in July and listened to Christmas music to make it feel as real as possible.  
**_

 _ *******ALSO**********: Whoever commented saying they were Danish and could help me out with accuracy, some contact info would be great! Like a Tumblr or kik or anything. That way I can ask you about the chapters before I publish. Thanks!**_

* * *

Mathias was so excited for winter break. It was two weeks of pure freedom. Plus there was Christmas, which was his absolute favorite holiday. Not just because of the gifts, either. It was just the overall feeling of it. The decorations, the joyful music, the scent of cinnamon and mothballs, the taste of eggnog, all of it. He was sad to see it go, but happy because it was finally Christmas Eve.

He almost loved Christmas Eve more than Christmas Day, which he figured was because of the whole Saint Nick thing. He hadn't believed in Santa since he was seven, but the idea stuck that there was something magical about Christmas Eve. It was a HUGE plus that his mother was actually there, too. She had promised to be here, and she was definitely one for breaking them.

But not this time. They were both sitting on the couch watching Home Alone and eating caramel corn and store-bought Christmas cookies. His mother turned to him and tapped his shoulder. "Go leave something out for Santa. But maybe something salty. Santa has probably had enough sweets." Mathias smirked and got out a bag of pretzels, tossing a handful onto a plate.

"What does Santa want to drink?"

She looked over at him and hummed. "Uh... the bottle of Sangria in the fridge." He took it out and put it next to the pretzels. He looked at the clock and yawned. It was really getting late. "Hey, I'm going to bed, mom. Presents in the morning?"

She nodded. "Wouldn't dream of missing it! I think Santa probably got you some cool stuff this year," she said with a smirk. "Goodnight, sweetie. Love you."

"Love you, too, mom," he said as he started up to his room. He collapsed on his bed, a content smile on his face as he drifted to sleep.

* * *

Mathias woke up at around 6:30 in the morning and ran downstairs, looking around anxiously. Nothing had changed from last night. He slowly frowned, checking under the tree and finding nothing but the tree skirt and some lint. There wasn't a stocking out, either. He looked over at the empty sangria bottle and the half empty plate of pretzels.

"Mom?"

He ran upstairs to his mothers room and flung the door open. The bed was unmade and empty. He ran to the bathroom, checking there, too. "Mom?" No reply. The house was completely silent. He ran back downstairs again and looked around. He saw a little note left on the front door this time.

 _Mathias,_

 _Got called in. Presents in the closet. Not wrapped. In the boxes. Stocking stuffers in the grocery bags. Merry Xmas!_

He stared at the note for a moment before crumbling it up and dropping it on the floor. He made his way upstairs once more and looked into her closet, seeing the boxes and the grocery bag, just like she said. He grabbed the first box. It was some sort of gaming console. He didn't even bother checking. A few games. A gift card. And a laptop.

He picked up the laptop. She had taken it out of the box already. He figured she had probably wanted to wrap it outside of the box to surprise him more when he opened it. He looked at the apple on the back of the screen and tucked the device under his arm. He knew it cost her a lot.

Cost her a lot of hard-earned money.

From her job.

He opened it and looked at the clean screen. The plastic wasn't even peeled off. He looked back at his reflection in the blank screen and in the background, he was alone. He shut it again and walked out.

With the layout of his house, Mathias had a balcony overlooking most of the first floor. He used to like to try to walk on the outside of the railing but nearly fell once, so he stopped. Now he was looking down at the wooden floor of the living room, laptop under his arm. He opened it once more and flung it over the side without hesitation. He heard the screen shatter and little sparkling shards of glass went everywhere.

He ran back into the room and grabbed the console, ripping the box open and taking out the heavy device. He tossed it over the side onto the laptop. He could feel a knot in his throat and he choked his tears down as he ran back into the room and grabbed the games, ripping each case open and snapping each game in half.

The only thing he didn't break was the gift card. He ran to his room and dressed frantically, his face scrunching up sometime between putting his pants and shirt on. Everything went blurry and he felt warm tears sliding down his cheeks. He wiped them off with the back of his hand, but they kept flowing and he kept shaking and he felt as though he couldn't breathe.

He just tried to get through dressing. He put on his winter clothes and shoved the gift card into his pocket. He ran downstairs and looked around at the empty couch with disdain. He glared with hatred too matured for his age and left for Lukas' house.

* * *

"Who's that, honey?"

Mr. Bondevik stared at Mathias for a moment before ushering him inside, looking at his wife curiously. "Mathias? For some odd reason?"

His mother stared with large eyes and pulled him into a hug. "Mathias, did you walk all the way here? Oh, honey. Mathias, we need to get you warmed up. Wh..? What's that?" She pointed to the bags in Mathias' hands. He shivered as he gave her a bag. Lukas walked in, a poptart in his hand. He nearly dropped it when he saw Mathias.

"What? Mathias, how.. ? Why?"

Mathias almost cried when he saw Lukas, but he forced a smile and took off his coat. "Things weren't so great over at my place."

His mother patted his back. "But your mother-"

"She's at work," he replied quickly, not wanting to talk about it. "I have something for you, Lukas," he said, handing him a bag. Lukas stared at the bag with wide eyes and took it. "Oh, I have one for you, too," he said with a smile as he handed a bag to Emil. They all stared at him, then at each other.

"Oh, and Mr. Bondevik. Here's a card." He stared at the boy and took the card. When he opened it, a gift card to an instrument shop fell out. He opened his mouth to protest, then closed it and nodded slowly. "Thank you, Mr. Kohler," he said with an appreciative smile, though he knew that later he was going to have to return the gift to Mathias' mother. He'd have to return all of them except maybe whatever he'd given Lukas and Emil.

Mathias wasn't sure why he felt this way, but he really felt like he had something to prove to Lukas' dad. His mother opened up hers and pulled out a silver necklace, which she stared at with wide eyes. "Mathias, how..? This is too, too much," she said with a small smile. "I hope you aren't spending your own money or your mothers money."

He ignored her comment and looked at Emil, who was now holding a tiny electric helicopter and a stuffed puffin. Finally he looked at Lukas, who stood there in faint awe. He looked down at the bag and opened it slowly, pulling out a box of art pens. He read the label. Twenty art pens. He read the brand and he stared at Mathias again. "This is too much." He then felt that there was something else in the bag. He pulled out a book and read the cover. _Aesops Fables_.

He looked from the book to Mathias, smiling. "How did you... ? Mathias, I... Well, I did get you something. But I thought I would have to wait till school." He ran upstairs and came back down with a box. He felt embarrassed. It wasn't nearly as much as he had given him. Mathias opened it and laughed a little at the contents. Red hots and a book of jokes. Lukas spoke up a little. "Because you like stupid jokes," he said with a faint giggle. Mathias stared at the book with a growing smile and he could feel tears in his eyes again and he looked up at Lukas with so much adoration.

"Lukas, can I talk to you alone?" He asked, his voice sounding strained. Lukas put the things down and nodded, leading him up to his room and shutting the door behind him. "What is- " Before he could speak, Mathias had pulled him into an embrace. He blushed and patted his back awkwardly. "Mathias?"

The taller boy started to tremble as new tears found their way out of his eyes and onto his cheeks. Lukas could feel him shaking and he held him tighter, not knowing what else to do. "Lukas," he began, his voice sounding so different and broken, "Hey, I really care about you. I really, really do." He closed his eyes and breathed in raggedly. "I woke up alone. I've been alone all week. All. Week. I thought Christmas would be different," he said, laughing bitterly. "It doesn't change."

Lukas looked down and held him tighter, not knowing what to say besides, "I'm sorry." Mathias shook his head, though, and said, "Don't be sorry. It isn't your fault. Let's not talk about this anymore, okay?" He forced a smile and pulled away, tears wiped away, but face still red.

It was really weird to see Mathias cry. He seemed so happy for the most part. But it was true that everyone had their moments, including Mathias. "We won't talk about it." Lukas tried to think of something to make him feel better. "Do you like cookies? I made some."

Mathias let out a relieved chuckle. "You cooked them?"

"Baked them," he corrected with a small smile. Mathias nodded, smiling a little wider, and followed him downstairs.

* * *

Lukas' parents didn't ask more questions. They actually started cleaning up the house, which he thought was funny. He never had to clean up after Christmas. But he helped anyways, despite Lukas' mothers protests. When they were done, they just sat around eating candy, talking, and messing with new things they'd gotten.

It was nice at Lukas' house on Christmas. It was the perfect Christmas. It hard started out as such a bad Christmas, but now it was his best. He wanted this every single year. When he thought about having to celebrate with anyone else, he felt his heart sink.

Around two, the phone rang and Mathias just knew. And he was correct. It was his mom. Lukas' mother told her that he was, in fact, over here. She was probably angry, but he didn't really care. He had every right to be. He didn't want to go back to that house and he didn't want to go back to her. At least not right now. Not when he was having such a good Christmas.

"Mathias, your mom is going to be here soon," she said. He immediately felt his stomach drop and he looked at Lukas pleadingly, and Lukas wished there was something he could do. Mathias looked down and gathered his things.

When she finally arrived, Mathias was pale and couldn't even look up at her in the doorway. She was chatting with Lukas' mom. She sounded happy enough. He glanced at her. She was still in her scrubs and had faint bags under her eyes. He felt a little guilty and looked away again. She looked over at him. "Honey, I'm going to wait in the car. Hurry up," she said as she turned to leave.

He looked at Lukas and took a deep breath. "Thank you, Lukas," he said, pulling him into another hug. "You've made this such a good Christmas." Lukas frowned and hugged him back tightly, not wanting him to leave. But he had to go, and before he could say goodbye, he was gone.

* * *

"Do you know how much I paid for these? A lot."

Mathias glared at the floor. "No more than you usually pay."

She sighed and stood in front of him, her arms crossed. "So you just destroy them? You just destroy your gifts? I work hard for those gifts."

He stood up, snapping. "I don't care. I honestly don't. You work to get me nice things?" He laughed bitterly. "That's crap. I don't want another console. I have seven. I wanted you here. That's all I wanted. I didn't want a laptop. I wanted you, and you were gone by the time I got up. I mean, you couldn't even put the presents under the tree! You didn't even fill a stocking! You could have at least told me before you left and maybe given me the gifts then and we could have parted in person! But no, you go to your shitty job for me, so I can have more gifts that'll probably just rot under my bed!"

She didn't move. She didn't speak. She just stared at him. He took a deep breath and got up, walking slowly back to his room. "Merry Christmas," he mumbled as he laid down on his bed, staring at the Christmas lights on the house across the street. He covered up and continued to watch them, a faint smile on his face as he imagined Christmas with Lukas. He imagined him baking cookies and exchanging gifts and seeing his family. He imagined seeing him smile at the gifts and hugging him again and just... being around him. He made Christmas good.

He made everything good.

* * *

 **"My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?" ~Bob Hope**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12: "Fireworks That Burn To The 4th Degree"**

* * *

Lukas hadn't ever made a New Years resolution that he'd actually kept. It wasn't a big deal, it was usually just little things like "I won't tease Emil so much this year" or "I'll share more of my toys" and things like that. But something about this New Year felt different and he really felt like he should be making a resolution and actually trying to keep it this time around.

But what was there to make a resolution about? Was there really anything he wanted or needed to work on? Well, he knew he wasn't perfect. He got out a piece of paper and a pen, wanting to write it down, whatever it was. He laid his head down on his desk and drew a little snowflake in the corner while he thought.

He could... make more friends? But he had already been trying. He grumbled and sunk down in his chair. Maybe he could try to be nicer? But he was already trying that, too. He stared down at the scribbly snowflake and dropped the pen at last. He was already trying many things thanks to Mathias. The resolution was useless. He was already getting better.

* * *

Mathias nervously picked up the phone and dialed in Lukas' number. He was surprised when it was actually him who answered this time. He cleared his throat and said, "Hey, Lukas! So... New Years, huh?"

Oh, god. _New Years, huh?_ Nice. He was trying to sound smooth but was clearly failing.

 _"...yes."_

"Oh. Well, uh, I was wondering if you'd want to go to Tivoli with me later? Unless you're already doing something, which is cool."

There was silence and he thought Lukas might have hung up, but then there was a sort of humming followed by, _"Oh. What?"_

"Right! It's an amusement park. They're open late and there's fireworks so that could be really cool," he said, gripping the phone a little tighter.

 _"...what time?"_

He sighed in relief and smiled. "Well, I can't go till six. I have to go to dinner with my dad first. But I can meet you there after? Just wait at the entrance."

 _"...okay."_

The line went dead and Mathias hung up, a huge grin on his face.

* * *

"You've got enough money on you, Mathias?"

He looked at his dad and nodded, patting his pocket. "Plenty. Thanks for dinner, dad." His dad just shrugged and patted him on the back awkwardly. Mathias waited a second, expecting him to say something else, but he was silent, so he went ahead and stepped out of the car. He walked up to the entrance and tried to ignore the sound of the car speeding away.

It was busy tonight, but he could spot Lukas standing by the entrance. He was just watching people to amuse himself it seemed and it was actually kind of funny. Lukas looked up and spotted Mathias. He quickly walked over to him, trying to stay as close as possible. "It's busy," he said, his eyes scanning over the crowd. Mathias shrugged and handed him a ticket. "That's pretty normal," he said as he got in a long line to go in.

They ended up waiting in the line for about fifteen minutes, which made Mathias a bit antsy, but he really tried to contain himself. When they finally got in, it was like releasing a puppy in an open field. Mathias wanted to ride everything. Huge roller coasters, kiddie rides, it didn't matter. Lukas went along with him, though he wasn't a fan of roller coasters. They blew his hair around and the air was so cold. The food was a highlight, though.

By that I mean that none of it was healthy. More of a highheavy. Lukas thought he was pretty good about putting food down, but Mathias was another story. He practically inhaled it. They walked around the park and looked at more attractions that weren't so intense after Mathias nearly got sick on one of the rides. That was much more pleasant in Lukas' opinion, though.

It was nice being around Mathias, too. He could be annoying at times, but it never outweighed any of his good qualities. Sure, he said some stupid things, but he could be funny, too, and he could be kind. By the time it was ten, the sun was far below the horizon and Lukas honestly didn't want to go home yet. Mathias checked the time and smiled. "We can stay out till midnight. That way we can see some fireworks," he suggested. Lukas nodded quickly and smiled a little.

For the next hour and a half they walked around, keeping their heads down as to avoid anyone who was already intoxicated, but they seemed enthralled with themselves, anyway. They talked and looked at things, people watched, things like that. They could tell by the crowd that the fireworks would start soon, so they claimed a spot and stood there, looking expectantly at the sky.

 _11:46_

Lukas mentioned that he had been trying to come up with a resolution, and Mathias shrugged. "You don't need to improve on anything," he said with a smile. Lukas was glad it was dark because he knew his cheeks were pink. He nodded and looked up at Mathias. "Do you have a resolution?"

Mathias hesitated before nodding a little. "What is it?" He asked, turning to face him. Mathias just shook his head and smiled. "Can't tell you, Lukas. I think it's kind of like a wish. Won't happen if I tell you."

Lukas rolled his eyes and leaned against him a little. They changed the topic to school for some odd reason, though it was clear neither wanted to think about going back to school just yet.

 _11:52_

They both tried to pick out stars, but the lights of the city blocked out most of them so it was useless.

 _11:54_

Lukas noticed that for some reason Mathias was getting a little more anxious. He was shuffling a little bit and talking less than usual. His hands were in his coat pockets but he could see that he was moving them. He opened his mouth to say something about it, but decided to bring up the topic of music instead.

 _11:58_

Mathias cleared his throat and looked at all of the people around them. He kept checking the time and despite the cold, he could feel himself sweating a little. He tapped his fingers on the phone in his pocket, looking at his feet. _You got it._ _Just do it. Worst that could happen is he thinks you're super weird._ Mathias inwardly groaned.

 _But you can just make up a tradition, right? I mean, he's from Norway, so if he thinks it's weird, you_ _can just blame it on being a Danish tradition. No big deal._ Mathias was barely breathing. The time didn't even seem to be passing.

 _11:59_

Oh, god. Time was definitely passing. Mathias continued to try to mentally prepare himself, smiling occasionally to assure Lukas that he wasn't a complete freak who was nervous about something stupid. _Just don't think about it. Just don't think about it._

How was he supposed to do it anyways? Was it supposed to be soft? Was it supposed to be hard? How much force was he supposed to use?! Was he supposed to touch his face?

 _12:00_

There was a loud cheer, a chime, and the sound of people singing. Mathias took a deep breath and started to pull Lukas closer, but before he could even lean in, he felt two cold hands on his cheeks and Lukas' lips on his own.

He stared at him with wide eyes, and for once in his life, Mathias was absolutely speechless. Lukas' cheeks burned dark red and he stumbled over his words nervously. "It's only traditionally in Norway! I mean, it's for normal in Norway! I mean... I mean!"

Mathias took a deep breath and leaned in, kissing him again. This time, Lukas just let out a little surprised squeak. They both stared at each other. Each of their faces were flushed and neither knew what to say. Finally, Lukas said, "You're supposed to kiss someone at the start of a New Year!"

He was trying so hard to defend himself that Mathias couldn't help but to just laugh at him. All the adrenaline came crashing down and he couldn't stop laughing. Lukas huffed and punched his arm, pouting. "It's not funny," he mumbled into his scarf. Mathias grabbed him and hugged him, still laughing. "It is! It's really funny. You're so red and I was so nervous and..." He took a deep breath and tried to stop laughing. "And this is probably the best moment of my life.

Lukas finally relaxed and hugged him back. He started giggling when he was finally calm, and even he couldn't stop when he thought about how silly it was to be nervous over something like a kiss. They both looked at each other, wide grins growing on their faces.

"Hey, Lukas?"

"Huh?"

He looked at the fireworks and nodded slowly. "Happy New Years."

* * *

 **Norgey porgey pumpkin pie**

 **Kissed the boys and made them cry**

 **When the girls came out to play**

 **Norgey porgey ran away**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13: "Order in the Court!"**

* * *

January nearly passed and most of it was wonderful. There were a great deal of warm hugs and shy kisses in the meantime. Now they were down to the final week and were excited for February to begin. It was one step closer to summer vacation, after all. Near the end of winter every year, the school held a dance.

The dance was little and not many people took it seriously, but everyone went because it was one of the only times that the boys were allowed to be mixed with the girls, who were over in the other building most of the time. As much as the boys liked to tease the girls, they were all thrilled because of them. Even Gilbert was thrilled.

"I'm asking Liz," he said triumphantly as he marched over to the girl as she waited for her ride home. He smiled and winked at her, though it was clear he was nervous. "So I think you'd be an awesome date to the dance," he said. She glanced at him and laughed. He frowned and looked back at Mathias and Ned, who just shrugged. She finally stopped and stared at him. "You were serious?" She asked. Gilbert blushed and turned away quickly. "MAYBE I WAS?"

She laughed and patted his shoulder. "Sure I'll go!"

"Yeah I didn't think y-.. WHAT?"

She smiled and got in her car. Gilbert watched, completely dumbfounded. Mathias was fairly impressed. I mean, he seemed to totally butcher it, but then again, he didn't know what girls liked. He looked at Lukas, and Lukas looked back. He hoped Lukas understood that he couldn't ask him. That was pretty much social suicide. Maybe they could go as friends, though?

"Ned, who are you going with?" Gilbert asked, nudging his friends bicep. He shrugged and said, "Maybe Lilli."

Gilbert laughed, clutching his stomach. "BUT SHE'S IN THIRD GRADE? AND not even THAT, but her brother will kick your ASS!" He pointed to Vash, who was glaring at everyone who looked at Lilli as they passed. Ned shrugged. "I will try, at least."

Gilbert began pushing Ned towards her, and for once in his life, Ned was a little worried. He turned around and pushed Gilbert away. "Not right now," he mumbled. Gilbert cackled and turned his attention to Mathias, who was already starting to walk away.

"MATHIAS, WHO ARE YOU ASKING TO THE DANCE?" Mathias just shrugged and looked around. "Eh, not really in the mood to go with any of these girls. They're not my type." He heard men on late night television say things about types. He hoped Gilbert would cease his questioning, but he continued. No surprise.

"Mathias! You can't go alone! We need to find you a nice girl with BIG-" The principal walked by, raising an eyebrow at Gilbert. "Big what, Mr. Bielschmidt?"

Gilbert gulped and smiled sheepishly. "Personality?"

The principal gave him a stern look and continued on his way. Mathias and Ned laughed. Even Lukas, who was standing next to Mathias, was laughing. Gilbert crossed his arms and nodded at Lukas. "You can take your little GIRLFRIEND, MATHIAS!" He put an arm around Lukas and grinned. "She's so pretty. ALL THE BOYS WILL BE JEALOUS!"

Lukas glared and shoved him off. He wasn't in the mood to deal with Gilbert today, or any day, for that matter. "I'm not a girl," he mumbled, stepping a little closer to Mathias. Gilbert shrugged. "Sorry, Mathias! She doesn't enjoy your sloppy kisses!"

Mathias paled and looked at Lukas again. He looked neutral, but he knew better than that. He was mad. "You aren't funny," the smaller boy said, squinting. "You just say mean, stupid things, idiot."

Gilbert looked from Lukas to Mathias. "Mathias, how could you let your girlfriend talk to me like that?" He teased again. Mathias sucked in a deep breath and cleared his throat. "Gil, it's not that funny. Stop making jokes about it," he said at last. Gilbert scoffed and backed away, looking betrayed.

"I can't believe it! I've known you since KINDERGARTEN, and now you're standing up for some QUEER!"

Mathias stared at him and smiled, running a hand through his hair. "You need to watch it," he said through the smile. Lukas watched him with wide eyes. He'd never smiled like that before. It worried him.

"Yeah. SHE'LL probably start CRYING!"

Mathias smiled a little wider and lunged for Gilbert, punching him right in the jaw. Lukas tugged on his arm. "Ned!" He yelled as he tried to pull Mathias off of Gilbert. "Ned, help!" Ned grabbed Mathias and pulled him off. Gilbert was still laughing, though. Mr. Vainamoinen had been watching and put a hand on Mathias' shoulder. "Come with me," he said quietly. Lukas stepped in front of the teacher and stared up at him. "He was just defending me!" He said frantically.

Mr. Vainamoinen looked from Mathias to Lukas, then rubbed the back of his neck. "Um. Let's sort this out," he said. He led both of them back inside, making sure to have someone tell their parents why they weren't ready to go home quite yet. "We'll talk in my room. And if I think the principal should be involved, he will be."

They both sat down in front of Mr. Vainamoinens desk. He sat down and put a lid on a container of icecream he'd been eating before clasping his hands together and looking them both over. "Tell me what happened, Lukas."

Lukas cleared his throat. "Well, Gilbert asked Mathias who he was taking to the dance. Mathias said nobody. Then he... " Lukas froze for a moment and looked down. "Then he called me Mathias' girlfriend and asked if he was taking his girlfriend. He kept teasing me and calling me a girl."

"Then he called him a queer," Mathias interrupted. Mr. Vainamoinen was silent for a moment, not knowing what to do. He tapped his fingers on the desk and sighed nervously. "Lukas, you need to be telling the principal about Gilbert when he says things like that to you. I know it's embarrassing, but it'll help. And Mathias, you can't choose to beat up whoever is making you angry. People make me angry all the time, but you don't see me beating them up, do you?"

The boys were silent. Mathias knew he was right but didn't want to admit it. Mr. Vainamoinen spoke again, but much more hesitantly this time. "You both realize that there is nothing wrong with being... a "queer", right? It's okay to be gay. Not that you are, Lukas. But it is all okay," he said with a small smile. "It is just very misunderstood, especially by older children. Don't let them bother you."

Lukas looked up at him and nodded slowly. Mathias was just pale again. Mr. Vainamoinen stood. "You may both leave, but you need to start telling someone when you're being bullied. I'm not going to tell the principal about you fighting, Mathias, but I better not see it again."

"Yes, Mr. Vainamoinen," he mumbled. They both walked out, worried and relieved at the same time. They looked at each other in the hallway and Lukas smiled a little. "Thank you, but please don't fight anymore. I don't want you to be expelled," he said. Mathias nodded and sighed. "I know. I'm trying," he said. "Hey, Lukas... maybe we shouldn't go to that dance. We could just do something better."

"I don't care about the dance, anyways."

Mathias sighed. "Good. I'm sure it'll blow."

* * *

Lukas sat down on the couch and stared at the television set as he popped a potato chip in his mouth. Mathias rolled over to stare at the television, too. "What is this? Why are they moving like that?"

"Shut up, I like it," he mumbled, giving Mathias a serious look, but he just laughed and sat up, staring at the television more.

"You know what? I've got an idea. It's better than watching TV," Mathias said with a mischievous grin. Lukas looked at him warily, crossed his arms, and said, "What is it?"

"Well," he began, "we could go... egging?"

Lukas stared and him for a second. "You're joking." Mathias smiled a little more. "Oh, great. You're serious."

"What if it was Gilbert?"

Lukas raised an eyebrow and glanced at him, trying not to smile. Wow, was he turning into a bad person? Because he really wanted to egg Gilberts house. He was at the dance right now, most likely making fun of someone who didn't deserve it. Finally, Lukas caved. "How are we going to get there?" He asked. Mathias grinned and shrugged. "We could walk. It's only a fifteen minute walk and the store is on the way there. Go get ready."

* * *

Lukas shivered and looked up at the misty sky. His cheeks were soft pink and the streetlights shone in his eyes. He looked over at Mathias and said, "Where is the store?" To which Mathias replied, "Right up here," and they continued along an icy sidewalk until Lukas could make out a brick building with lights shining through the windows. _Is... is that..._

"No. No. Take me home. I'm not going in and you can't make me."

Mathias grabbed his hand and lead him up to the school doors, though he fought and kicked the whole time. "I'm not going!" He yelled, grasping onto Mathias' wrist. The taller boy sighed and put a hand on his shoulder. "Lukas, we had to come. We couldn't just let Gilbert win. We deserve to be here just as much as anyone else! We're going in, come on." He pulled Lukas inside. He fought a little less, but pouted a lot more.

"I want to go home," he kept muttering under his breath. "We won't even be able to dance together."

Mathias shrugged and lead him to the gym. There were a good amount of people there. A few parents sat on the side, the janitor was there cleaning up a mess someone had already made, and in the center was a bunch of awkward elementary school students, some dancing with someone else, and some just talking and joking with their friends. Lukas sat on the side and didn't take his coat off. He hoped they would just leave soon.

They sat there for a while and just people watched, then they played a song that he figured was for slow dancing. A few of the boys asked girls to dance. They all watched. One of the teachers was taking pictures because she thought it was so cute. Lukas watched the them dancing, and though it was just a silly little dance, he felt a twinge of jealousy and looked up at Mathias hopefully.

He didn't expect a lot from Mathias, but he almost wished he would ask him to dance. He would probably deny it. Or not. Or maybe. But probably not. He scooted a little closer and stared at him more. He could at least ask. Maybe he didn't think Lukas would be interested? But even then, he should have been considerate and asked anyways. That's what the other people were doing. Why wasn't Mathias doing it?

He nervously stood up and took Mathias hand, looking at him with wide, blank eyes. Now Mathias couldn't ignore him. He looked up for a second, not knowing what to say. Lukas gave his arm a little tug, but he didn't budge. "Lukas, look," he whispered. "I can't. You know how everyone will look at me? And treat me at school on Monday?"

His words stung and Lukas immediately dropped his hand and looked down. He figured he understood, but it was like he was ashamed of him. It hurt. He sat beside him again and looked away. He stayed staring at the same tile for the next half-hour until Mathias got bored and decided it was time to leave.

When they were outside, Mathias took his hand, but Lukas didn't want to hold it. He walked in the grass, away from the taller blond, not even looking his way. Mathias opened his mouth to defend himself, but what could he have said to make it better?

He looked down at his shoes as they walked the rest of the way back to his house. Luckily, Lukas' parents were still asleep like they had been when they left. Lukas didn't really feel like staying up anymore. He started upstairs, but felt a hand grab his own. "Lukas, I'm sorry! Okay? I'm really, really sorry."

Lukas looked down and closed his eyes for a moment. "It isn't important. Goodnight. You can sleep on the couch," he mumbled before disappearing up the stairs. Mathias pouted and went over to the couch. He hesitantly laid down and tried to sleep, but he just couldn't do it. He felt too guilty.

* * *

When they came back to school on Monday, Lukas was in one of his moods again. He wouldn't talk as much and he didn't smile. This continued all the way into February and clear up to the days before Valentines Day. Finally, Mathias confronted him at recess.

"Lukas, please. I'm really sorry. Stop acting like this, please," he pleaded. Lukas slid down the brick wall and picked at the grass by his legs. He just shook his head and tore up a piece of grass. Mathias took a deep breath and knelt down in front of him. "Lukas, I'm so sorry and I really wish you'd talk to me." Lukas still shook his head.

"Why do you have to be so sensitive? I'm trying to apologize!"

Lukas huffed and stood back up. "You don't need to. You don't care. You're just ashamed of me," he said under his breath. Mathias stared at him like he was absolutely insane.

"That... that isn't true!" He argued. "I really mean it! Just accept my apology!"

Lukas looked away, crossed his arms, then said, "I don't want to accept your stupid apology." He proceeded to walk back inside, attitude in each step he took. Mathias watched, feeling upset, then angry. He was trying so, so hard. And this is what he got? He shook his head and went back out to play football.

* * *

Before Lukas knew it, it was Valentines Day. He held a little card in his hand along with a chocolate bar for Mathias, while he had storebought cards for the other people in the class. He was still upset with him, though, but not so upset that he would bring him nothing on Valentines Day. That was just cruel.

He walked in and took his seat. The seat next to him was empty. He looked at the clock. Class started in five minutes. He was probably just running late.

The minutes passed and Mathias didn't turn up. When the bell rang, Lukas gave up hope and looked up at Mr. Vainamoinen. He wanted to know where Mathias was, but he couldn't ask him in front of the entire class, so he waited until lunchtime, which nearly killed him.

"Mr. Vainamoinen, where is Mathias?" He asked. Mr. Vainamoinen looked at the attendance sheet and said, "He's sick."

Lukas paled and nodded. Mathias was sick? How sick was he? What did he have? Was he in pain? He had to know, so instead of going home, he had his mother take him to Mathias' house.

* * *

 **Help! Skeleton War Veteran! Will give more chapters for reviews! (Everything helps)**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14: "Help, I've fallen in love and I can't get up!"**

* * *

 _A/N: I am seriously so sorry about the length of this chapter. I originally wrote it to be longer, but I didn't think some of the chapter was fitting so I moved some paragraphs from this chapter to another. I suppose I could have added more into this, but I didn't think it was necessary. So here is a baby._

* * *

Lukas knocked on Mathias' door. His mother answered with a big, forced smile. She ushered him and said, "Happy Valentines day! Do you have something for Mathias?" She nodded at the things in his hand and he nodded back, looking up the stairs. He raced up them before his mother could say anything else. He barged into the room and stared at him. He was sitting up in bed and now staring at him with wide eyes. "Lukas? What are you doing here?"

The smaller boy breathed out a sigh of relief and sat on the bed. "I was scared you were really sick," he said. He gave him the valentine and the chocolate bar with a blush, but Mathias was still darker thanks to his fever. He took the card and smiled at it, then set the chocolate on his nightstand, far too sick to eat it.

Mathias looked sick, too. Pink cheeks, clammy, bags under his eyes, and it was obvious he wasn't enjoying sitting up. Lukas grabbed his hand and said, "Are you okay?" The boy nodded. It was just a little flu, after all. Nothing he couldn't handle. Besides, he was already taking medicine for it.

"Mathias, I'm so sorry!"

Mathias coughed into his arm and said, "For what?"

Lukas hugged him and said, "I should have forgiven you."

Mathias just shrugged and patted Lukas' back, not knowing what to tell him. He almost felt like he deserved an apology from Lukas after all he'd put him through. I mean, he had really meant he was sorry and Lukas had been so stubborn about it. So he didn't deny it.

"You look really sick," Lukas said, clutching the taller boys cheeks and leaning in far too closely. Mathias blinked a few times. "Uh, yeah. I'm sick. Like, pretty sick. I don't want you to catch it, either."

Lukas stepped back and pointed at the Valentine. "Did you read it?"

Mathias opened the card and scanned the words.

 _Mathias,_

 _Sometimes you say stupid things, but I like you a lot and you're my best friend. Happy Valentines Day._

 _~Lukas Bondevik_

He smiled at the first part, then looked up and hugged Lukas. "Thanks. I got you something, too. I didn't expect to be sick. Here, let me get it," he said, standing up and nearly falling over. He shuffled over to his dresser and picked up box of chocolates and a bundle of paintbrushes. "Here, I know you like art and stuff. Plus, everyone likes chocolate." He handed the gifts to him with a weak smile and sat back down on his bed.

Lukas stared at the items and looked down. "I don't deserve this," he mumbled. Mathias leaned his head back warily and looked at him through half-closed eyes. "Just enjoy it. Gifts are a good thing." Lukas opened his mouth to argue, but thought better. "Thank you, Mathias," he said, clutching the paintbrushes. He looked back at Mathias, who looked like he was about to fall asleep.

He didn't want to leave. It was Valentines Day and he wanted to stay with Mathias. He hesitantly laid down next to him and tapped his shoulder. He glanced over at Lukas, but didn't say anything. He didn't have the energy to talk him out of laying in the bed, even though it would probably make him sick if he wasn't careful.

He just looked at the smaller boy for a second and smiled a little. It was always nice to see him. Lukas had a really pleasant face. Everything about it was aesthetically and physically attractive. Plus he was wearing a big sweater and it made him look really cute. He didn't understand how one person could look so good. And it wasn't look good like a model in a magazine looked good, it was just... he looked good in every way.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Lukas asked, resting his head on Mathias' pillow. He just shook his head in response and grinned. "It's nothing. Just glad you're not in Norway anymore," he said. Lukas could feel his face burning and he looked for a distraction. He picked up the book of jokes he'd given him from the nightstand and flipped to a random page.

"Why did the stadium get hot after the game?"

Mathias took the book and closed it, setting it back down. "Because the fans left. I've read that whole thing and you're trying to find a distraction. Also, you're super red because you're blushing."

Lukas rolled his eyes and got up. "I don't blush, stupid."

Mathias actually laughed at that. Hard. If he had a dollar for every time he'd seen Lukas blush, he'd have enough for a new video game. "You do all the time. But it's really cute!" Lukas had to look away. He slapped his cheeks, pulled on them, and groaned dramatically. "Betrayed by my own face," he muttered.

Just then, his mother came in. "Mathias, honey, you need sleep. Lukas, I'm sorry but you'll have to come back some other time," she said. Lukas turned to Mathias and sighed quietly. "Okay. Bye, Mathias. Happy Valentines Day."

"Yeah, you too. Thanks for coming by."

With that, Lukas left.

* * *

"What happened to you and Gilbert, sweetie? I thought he was your best friend," Mathias' mother said as she sat down at the end of his bed. She gave a weak smile and pulled his blanket up anymore. He just rolled his eyes. She cleared her throat and asked again. Mathias finally looked at her and just shrugged. "Does it really matter?"

"Well, you didn't just drop him, did you?"

Mathias shook his head and rolled his eyes again. His mother sighed and got up. "Fine, I'll leave you alone. I hope you aren't dropping Ned, too. He's a good boy."

Mathias curled up and pulled his pillow over his head. "Yeah, right. Like I'd ever just drop Ned," he mumbled into the pillowcase.

He felt the weight on his bed lift, then heard his door shut. He stared at the wall with squinted eyes. He couldn't have told her why he dropped Gilbert. Besides, she didn't even ask. Figures. She didn't actually care, she probably saw bringing it up at all as some sort of weird motherly obligation. He scoffed and turned his television on, looking to get lost in something other than his own situation.

* * *

 **Reviews are a girls best friend!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15: "Sonata For Violin and Cello in an Auditorium full of Minors"**

* * *

Mathias took out his cello. Over the months, it had become a prized possession, more than just a mass of wood and string. On days when he didn't have orchestra, he practiced himself at home, and even when he did have orchestra, there were times when he was more than happy to take out the cello and practice. Even his mother could tell that he had improved since he'd started.

He tuned the cello and plucked at the strings, listening carefully for anything that seemed off. He opened his book, still a book for beginners, but now he was on book six. He propped the book up on the stand and flipped to the songs they were playing for the concert tomorrow night. He sat down and played, making a couple of mistakes, but they were so minor that it was surprising he even picked them out at all.

But that was enough for him. He played it four more times before there was no mistakes at all, and after that, he played it once more. Once was luck, but twice was talent. He finally closed the book and began to put his instrument away, but something stopped him.

Mathias' eyes flickered to his closet door. He opened it and grabbed the book from the top shelf, then put it on his music stand. He looked anxiously at the notes splattering the pages and re-positioned his cello. He got through a few notes, but he played so slowly that it was useless and he closed the book in defeat, placing it back in it's spot in his closet.

He picked up the phone on his dresser and typed in his fathers number. The phone rang many times before he finally answered. "Dad?"

 _"Ah, hey, Mathias."_

"Hey, uh... are you busy tomorrow night?"

 _"...do you have a football game tomorrow?"_

Mathias laughed weakly. "Nah. The season hasn't started yet. It will soon, though. Hey, could you come to my orchestra concert? It's tomorrow."

There was a long pause and Mathias pulled the phone away from his face to make sure he hadn't hung up. "Dad? You still there?"

 _"... Ah, sorry. I can't make it. I've got a meeting tomorrow night."_

Mathias looked down and tried not to sigh too loudly, then said, "You should go, dad. I mean, I worked really hard."

 _"Oh, I've gotta go, Mathias. 'Night."_ There was a click, and then there was nothing.

* * *

Lukas set the violin down in his lap and fixed his tie. It was so hot on the stage in the auditorium. The lights were bright and he could barely see anyone in the audience. He tuned his instrument and tested it out. A camera flashed and he looked up to see his mother taking pictures. He could only tell it was her because she waved so hard she nearly hit some man in the face.

He was too stiff on stage to wave at anyone right now. Mathias was leaning back in his chair comfortably and fanning himself with a program for the concert. He glanced over at Lukas, smiled, and started to fan him with the program, too. Normally he would have called him stupid or something like that, but it felt like summer up there and he basked in the gushes of wind shamelessly.

When the concert finally began, they stopped everything and picked up their instruments. The conductor raised her arms and when they all played together, it sounded like a wonderful train crash. Some of the students were off, but some were as good as they could have been, including Mathias and Lukas. Either way, the parents all looked like they were about to cry from pride.

By the time it was over, most of the students were sweaty from the lights and the parents had no empty space on their cameras. They all put their instruments away and some wiped beads of sweat from their foreheads. "You sounded good, Lukas!" Mathias said, pulling him into a proud hug. He hugged him back and suppressed a smile. "You did, too."

Mathias refused to let go of him and kept him in a tight embrace. "Mathias, you're sweaty." The taller boy laughed a little and pressed Lukas' cheek up against his chest. "Sweaty? Nah." Lukas smirked and pulled away, wiping his own cheeks off. "Very," he mumbled. Mathias shrugged and grabbed his cello. "It's all that... that puberty," he said sarcastically.

"Mathias..."

That definitely wasn't Lukas. He looked down in the audience and saw his father in front of the stage. He stared at him for a moment, then smiled wider. "Hey," he muttered excitedly. "Uh, Lukas, I gotta go. Okay? G'night!"

Lukas sort of shrugged and he might have glared a little at Mathias' father before leaving to find his own parents.

"I didn't think you'd be here," he said, running down the stairs to greet his father, who just shrugged like it was no big deal. "I'm going to take you out for dinner. You looked good up there. You looked focused," he said as he clasped his sons shoulder firmly. Mathias smiled and felt relieved for some reason.

They rode over to a restaurant and talked a little about the weather on the way. They sat down, ordered their food, and looked at each other expectantly. Mathias' father cleared his throat awkwardly and said, "So uh... school? How's that?"

Mathias unfolded his napkin and shrugged. "It's school. I like it alright, though. The friends, I mean."

"Yeah, I saw you hugging that one. Was he upset or something?"

Mathias smiled nervously and sipped on his water. "Nah," he played with his straw wrapper and cleared his throat. "It was just a friend thing. Both thrilled to get the concert over with, you know?" He picked the lemon out of his water and squeezed out the seeds mindlessly.

His father was watching him, a bored look in his eyes. "You gotta be careful, Mathias. Not all guys like to be hugged like that. Makes them feel weird." Mathias didn't look up. He stirred the seeds around at the bottom of his glass. "Yeah." That's all he said. He didn't want to talk about it anymore. He'd probably just end up admitting something he didn't want to admit.

"What about teachers? You like your teachers?"

Mathias was relieved at the change in topics. "Yeah! I have Mr. Vainamoinen. He's really cool. He's such a smart guy when it comes to real world things. He's from Finland? I think?" He squeezed the lemon juice into his glass and looked up at his father, who had a weird look in his eyes. "What makes Mr. Vainamoinen so cool and smart?" He asked, leaning forward like Mathias was about to tell him some crazy big secret. He just shrugged.

"Well," he began thoughtfully. "He says really smart things. Not book smart things. I mean, he's book smart, too. But he says stuff that's street smart and stuff a good person would say."

"Like?"

He shrugged again. "The other day he said people shouldn't be mean to someone based on who they love. I thought that was really smart."

His fathers eyes squinted and he crossed his arms suspiciously. "Based on who they love? Why was he talking about that?" Mathias took a drink and pretended to be distracted by the food that had just been sat down. His father didn't even look at his, he was just staring at Mathias. "I got in an argument with a guy because he was calling people queers. Mr. Vainamoinen was really cool. He didn't take me to the office, he just took me back to his room and told me it wasn't a bad thing. Which is so smart," he said quickly. His father didn't miss a word though.

"So he told you that it was okay to be a homosexual?"

Mathias looked up at his father and paled. He felt like he had said something that he shouldn't have and he didn't know what would make this situation better. "Well he said it was okay, yeah. There's nothing wrong with them or anything."

His father nodded and finally started eating his food. "Sounds like a swell guy. What was his name, again?" Mathias really felt wrong about this. He seriously felt like he just shouldn't have opened his mouth. He cleared his throat and said, "Uh, Mr. Olsen..."

His father slammed his fork down on the glass topped table and pointed a finger at him. "Mathias, that wasn't it. I think it was Mr. Vainamoinen. But I was confirming it with you." He picked up the fork and started eating again. "Why were you lying?"

Mathias couldn't even eat the food anymore he felt so sick. "I don't know," he replied. He listened to the loud smacks his father made when he was eating and looked out the window desperately. He really just wanted to get out of there and away from his father. "I'll remember that, Mathias," he said quickly.

They finished their meals in silence. Well, Mathias didn't really eat, but he didn't dare speak again. They didn't talk on the ride home either. They didn't even say goodbye. Mathias walked straight up to his room and crashed on his bed. He inwardly cursed himself for admitting that much to him. He wasn't sure what was going to happen. Maybe nothing. But he couldn't stop worrying about it anyway.

* * *

 **If you can't say something nice, please do say something at all because I accept criticism.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16: "Mortification in March"**

* * *

Lukas set his bag down and sat in his seat next to Mathias, who already looked tired enough to have been at school all day. He took out his notebook and his pencil and looked up at the board. The date was written at the top in pretty cursive. March 8th, 2006. But it wasn't the 8th. It was the 9th. Wasn't it? Lukas looked through some of his old papers and looked at the board again. It was definitely the 9th. Yesterday was the 8th.

He looked at the section of the board that said "Objectives!" at the top and read them. They were supposed to write the objective every single day in their notebooks, but today it was the same as yesterday. And the calendar on the wall didn't have the 8th crossed off yet. And where was Mr. Vainamoinen?

Lukas looked at the back of the classroom. He wasn't there either. "Mathias, I think we have a substitute," he said. Mathias looked around and shrugged. "He's probably sick?"

Just then, the principal walked in and leaned against the desk. "Everyone quiet down! Your substitute won't be here for a few minutes. We had to get them last minute," he said. They all sighed and whispered. Mathias raised his hand and was nearly jumping out of his seat with whatever question he needed to ask.

"Yes?"

Mathias cleared his throat and smiled awkwardly. "So why isn't Mr. Vainamoinen here? Is he sick?"

"No need for worry, Mr. Kohler."

Lukas turned to look at Mathias, wondering why he cared so much. Did he know something he didn't? He scribbled on a piece of paper and passed it over.

 _Why are you worried?_

Mathias wrote really tiny, not wanting anyone to accidentally see.

 _I think I messed up._

Lukas stared at the paper, completely confused.

 _What do you mean?_

"Sorry I'm late!" The substitute said, setting all her things on the desk and frantically scribbling her name on the board. The principal nodded, looked sternly at the class full of anxious boys, and left.

Lukas and Mathias put the note away and looked up at the teacher. She looked old. Very teacher-ish. They didn't pay her any mind besides that. They did their work mindlessly. Lukas scribbled a little on his paper, just little doodles of suns and arrows and things like that. Mathias, though, seemed to be lacking focus. Distracted by something.

Around nine, a secretary came from the office with a green pass in her hand. "Mathias Kohler?"

He looked up at her with wide eyes. "Huh?" She motioned him over, then led him down to the office. Lukas watched nervously, thinking that he'd done something to be expelled again. But his bag and papers was still here, and he thought they would have taken that as well if he wasn't coming back, so he was hopeful.

Mathias made his way to the office. He didn't know what to expect, but he knew for a fact that he didn't expect what he saw.

The principal sat in the seat and was taking out a clean sheet of paper from a yellow notepad, a man in a security uniform was sitting to his right with arms folded over his chest, and Mr. Vainamoinen was sitting in a chair in front of the desk. His cheeks were red and his eyes were puffy. When Mathias walked in, he gave him a weak smile and he visably swallowed a lump in his throat.

Mathias couldn't stop staring at him, and he really, really wanted to stop. He had a wadded up tissue in his hand and his eyes were glossy, so there was no denying that he'd been crying. The principal pointed to a blue chair right in front of the desk and Mathias took a seat, his stomach dropping with him.

"Mr. Kohler, how are you?"

 _Bad. Terrible._ "I'm okay."

"We're going to ask you some questions, and you need to answer truthfully. Okay?"

Mathias nodded and leaned forward, wanting to just get this whole thing over with. The principal clicked his pen and wrote a note at the top of the paper. "Do you ever talk to Mr. Vainamoinen outside of class?"

"Not often." Which was the truth. They had to talk a few times about behavior and other things like that, but besides those times, he didn't. The principal nodded and took out a folded piece of paper, writing down a few things. The officer next to him took notes as well. "Okay. Did he say anything that seemed weird when you talked to him?"

He shook his head. "No." That was also the truth. The principal looked at Mr. Vainamoinen and pointed to the secretaries office. "Could you go wait in there for a moment, please, Mr. Vainamoinen?" The teacher nodded and left, making Mathias even more nervous. "So he didn't say anything that wasn't related to your education? It all was relevant? You know what I mean by relevant, don't you?"

He nodded and shifted uncomfortably in his chair as the officer wrote something. "Yeah, I know. He didn't ever say anything that I thought was weird. If that's what you mean." The principal blinked and looked down at the paper again. "Do you ever feel uncomfortable in Mr. Vainamoinens class?"

He shook his head quickly. "No. Never. He's a really nice teacher." The principal and the officer both looked at each other like they were getting annoyed at his answers. They probably were. "Has he ever made comments about things like relationships? Maybe he said something about what's right or wrong in a relationship?"

Mathias gulped and, of course, lied. "No," he replied quietly. At that, they both wrote down a lot, which was strange because he had only said no. He tried to lean over and see what they were writing, but they were too far away. "Mr. Vainamoinen, please come back in."

The teacher came back in and sat back in his chair. He looked like he'd calmed down a bit. "Mr. Vainamoinen says he told you it was... okay to be gay? Do you remember that, Mathias?"

Mathias looked from his teacher to the principal, mind blank for a second. So he'd lied for nothing apparently because Mr. Vainamoinen had told the truth when questioned. He cleared his throat and said, "I didn't know what you meant."

"Don't lie to me, Mr. Kohler."

Mathias could feel the room getting warmer and he looked over at Mr. Vainamoinen, but nothing was making this situation easier for him. He just didn't say anything until the principal spoke up again. "So you do recall the discussion?"

Finally, and very hesitantly, he nodded. He stared at the blue tiles on the floor and wished he was anywhere but here. He was surprised he'd managed to go this long without throwing up, because he really felt like he was going to. "And what was specifically said?"

"I," He looked at the teacher again, hoping he would give a little nod or shake his head, but he just stared at the floor. "I... think he just said it was okay. He said there was nothing wrong with it."

"And that's all he said about it?"

He nodded and relaxed a little knowing he'd told the truth. The principal took out a green notepad full of hall passes and filled one out. Mathias thought he would be going back to class, but the note went right to the secretary and she left, most likely to fetch someone else.

* * *

Lukas looked up when his name was called. He hadn't been paying attention at all. He'd actually been drawing, but now he was going to the office for some reason. He was led to the main office where Mathias, the principal, some sort of officer, and Mr. Vainamoinen were sitting. He didn't know why he was in here or what this was about. He figured Mathias had done something bad and since he was friends with him, he had to be questioned.

He sat in a chair next to Mathias and stared at the floor. He'd never had to go to the main office even at his old school. In fact, he hadn't had to go to any of the offices. He kept his head low and managed to avoid trouble. But this time, trouble found him.

"How are you, Mr.," he paused and looked down at the pass. "Bondevik?"

He gave a curt nod and said, "Fine." His voice was barely more than a whisper. It felt like all the eyes in the room were on him and he didn't know what was going on and he wanted to run, but his feet felt heavy.

"Mr. Bondevik, does it ever make you uncomfortable to be in Mr. Vainamoinens class?"

He shook his head. Well, there was Gilbert, of course. But he didn't mention that. "Mr. Vainamoinen, could you step out again please?" Lukas watched the teacher leave and noticed he looked sad. He'd never seen him sad like that. He looked curiously at the officer and the principal. "Mr. Bondevik, has Mr. Vainamoinen said anything weird to you?"

Lukas shook his head and the principal sighed at having to elaborate again. "Anything regarding relationships? What is acceptable in one? What is normal?"

He understood what he was getting at but shook his head anyways. "You're lying to me," he said. "Your friend here has told me the truth. Even Mr. Vainamoinen has. I'd like you to be honest with me. What did he say?"

Lukas stared with wide eyes and started stumbling between English and Norwegian. "Um, det er... is nothing wrong... med..with liking who, um," he could feel his eyes watering and he was sure he was having a panic attack. "Who du liker?" He breathed faster and looked back at the door desperately. The principal and the officer both stared at him for a moment before writing what he said down. "That's all?"

He nodded and looked over at Mathias, who was staring blankly at the floor. He was still confused. He didn't understand what they were all doing here.

"Both of you, look at me," he said. They hesitantly looked up at him. "Why did you lie to me? Both of you did it and I'm assuming there's a reason." Lukas had already made his decision. He wasn't going to say anything. He was just trying to keep himself calm. His heart was going way too fast. Mathias just shook his head and said, "I didn't know why I was answering."

The officer squinted and wrote that down. "Mr. Kohler, why was he talking about that with you two in the first place?" Mathias turned to Lukas, who was staring at him, too. "Well... someone called Lukas a queer and I..." Okay, so he was definitely going to lie. "I got in a little argument. Mr. Vainamoinen found out and instead of taking me here after the argument, he took me and Lukas back to his room to sort it out, I guess."

The principal gave a little laugh. "You and I both know you don't just have little arguments, Mr. Kohler." Mathias looked down and sighed quietly, not knowing what to even say anymore. That was true. Too true. "So you got in a fight because someone called your friend a queer and Mr. Vainamoinen goes ahead and tries to make light of the situation by insinuating that one of his students, his young students, is a homosexual. Or maybe he was trying to see both sides. Maybe he was, maybe he wasn't. Avoiding offending either of you."

Lukas began to fit the pieces together. _Is that what this is about? Mr. Vainamoinen is in trouble for saying it was okay to be gay?_ "Where did your 'little argument' take place, Mr. Kohler?"

He shrugged and pointed out the window. "In front of the school by the sidewalk." The principal stood and looked out the window, pointing at a tree. "There?" Mathias nodded. The man sat again. "Mr. Vainamoinen, I'd like you to come back."

He walked sluggishly back into the room and sat back down. He was wringing his wrists and his eyes weren't as puffy or red anymore. He sat back down in his chair and looked like he was exhausted. "Mr. Vainamoinen, you didn't tell me Mathias got into a 'little argument'. Did you forget?" The teachers eyes widened and for a second and he started to speak, but all that came out was a weird sort of squeak.

He raised an eyebrow. "Pardon? You know the rules and it wasn't your place to decide his punishment or lack thereof. It was mine. I'm not reinforcing it anymore, but you should have come to me once you saw he was in a fight. It didn't matter what it was about. I don't tolerate fighting for any reason. Do you hit someone when you don't like their opinion, Mr. Vainamoinen?"

The teachers eye twitched a little and he turned red, not from shame, but from a growing anger. He was mocking him over something this serious. Not that he was surprised.

"No, sir. I don't," he replied quietly. The principal took out the green notepad again and wrote a pass. "You boys are free to go back to class," he said, handing Lukas the pass. They both turned and looked at Mr. Vainamoinen, who looked pained. "What about Mr. Vainamoinen?" Mathias said, looking sadly at his teacher, who gave him a faint smile. The principal said nothing and had them escorted out by the secretary.

* * *

Mr. Vainamoinen didn't come back for the rest of the week. When he didn't come back the following Monday, Mathias knew he wasn't coming back at all. And he blamed himself completely, and the guilt was too much for him to stand alone. He didn't want Lukas to think he was awful, but he couldn't stand keeping what he'd done to himself. After orchestra, he pulled Lukas into the library to talk to him privately.

"Mathias? What are you doing?"

He pressed his palms to his forehead and bent over a little. "Lukas, I really messed up. It's all my fault Mr. Vainamoinen is fired." He started mumbling under his breath and sat down at one of the tables. Lukas sat with him, confused. "What? How?"

"I told my dad he said that to us. Well, to me. About how he said it was okay to be gay and he acted really weird about it. He called the school. There's no other way they found out. And he's convincing, too. He's a lawyer." Lukas was speechless, but he wasn't mad. Mostly he was confused as to why Mathias' father would do that. "It isn't your fault," he said, trying to comfort him. Mathias was really beating himself up about this, though.

He had ruined his career. His _career_. And he couldn't have felt worse about it. Mr. Vainamoinen probably hated him and he didn't blame him. He deserved to be hated for what he'd done to him. He buried his face in his arms and sighed. "It's all my fault. I just don't know what to do. I didn't think any of this would happen, Lukas."

Lukas nodded and patted his back. "Talk to him," he suggested. Mathias sat up a little, then laid his head down again in defeat. "Yeah right. He'd hate me. Probably would push me away."

"No. I'll go with you."

Mathias looked up and he really looked like he might cry, but he was holding it in well, as always. "Yeah, that'd be really cool of you, Lukas," he said. Lukas stared at him for a moment, then reached out and gave him a hug. That in itself almost made Mathias cry. He didn't feel like he deserved a hug from anyone after what he'd done, but he accepted it. "Hug me back," Lukas mumbled. Mathias gave him a weak hug.

"Please," Lukas said, pouting. He gave Mathias a really tight hug and was glad when he did the same. They stayed like that for a few minutes, neither of them saying anything. Just standing there until the motion sensor lights gave out and they had to let go and go home.

* * *

 **When I'm good, I'm great, but when you review me, I'm better.**


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17: "(1.) Fight (2.) Flight (3.) The most popular, and the seldom mentioned, Acceptance"**

* * *

Mathias knew there was one person who knew where Mr. Vainamoinen could be and he knew just where to find him. On the way to art class, he went off on his own down a short hallway towards an old brown door with "Do Not Enter" written on a sign stuck on the front. He knocked quietly, then stepped in when nobody replied.

There was a room full of cleaning supplies and other things like that, then a small office to the right where one of the janitors was sitting. He was a short plump man, not the man he was looking for. He knocked on the side of the office door. "Uh, sir? Do you know where the other janitor is?"

He stood and looked at him curiously. "Is there a problem? Something you need? I can do it," he said. Mathias breathed in nervously and shook his head. "Nah, it's more personal."

The janitor just nodded his head slowly and shrugged. "Well, okay. He's in the cafeteria. He should be. If he's not there, check through the halls." Mathias smiled and gave a quick "thank you" before leaving for the cafeteria.

The cafeteria was empty besides the janitor, who was mopping in the corner. He walked over, actually a little afraid, but he tried not to show it. He hoped this man wouldn't be mad at him, too. "Sir?"

He didn't turn. He didn't say anything, either. "Sir?" He glanced over at Mathias, but then averted his eyes and continued his job. "I was just, um, wondering if you knew where I could find Mr. Vainamoinen?"

The mop stopped moving and he looked over at Mathias again. He propped the handle against the wall and said, "Why?"

 _At least he doesn't sound annoyed_ , he thought. "I wanted to apologize for everything. I feel really bad and want to say sorry in person." The man looked at the tiles thoughtfully, then picked up the mop again. "Here. Saturday." The boy looked at him and cleared his throat awkwardly. "Uh, thank you!"

He almost asked why he was going to be back on Saturday, but he didn't want to say more than he had to. He went back to art class, giving the excuse that he'd really had to go to the bathroom when the teacher questioned him.

* * *

Mathias and Lukas walked into the school. It was much different on a Saturday. It wasn't busy at all. They made their way to their classroom, assuming that's where Mr. Vainamoinen would be. They were both hesitant to walk in, so they waited outside and watched him for a moment.

Mr. Vainamoinen was packing his things into boxes with a solemn look on his face. He picked up a picture from his desk and stared at it for a moment, then put it away. He took drawings off of his filing cabinet. They were drawings that a few students had made for him. He smiled at them before stuffing them into a folder.

"Uh, Mr. Vainamoinen?"

He jumped and slapped a hand over his heart with a weak smile on his face. "Mathias! Lukas! You scared me," he said, inviting them in with a wave of his hand. If there was one thing they didn't expect to see him do, it was smile at them. They sat down on a desk in the front, neither knowing what would be appropriate to say, but luckily, Mr. Vainamoinen understood.

"I don't want either of you to worry about what happened. It's nobody's fault. Between you and me, there will always be people out there who can't stand somebody different than them and those people are complete idiots," he said with a little smile. They both nodded, but the teacher wasn't finished. "I'll be okay, though. I'll find another job somewhere, I'm sure."

Mathias spoke up first. "I wish you weren't leaving," he began. "You're a really good teacher." The teacher smiled and sat on his desk across from them. "Thank you. I've enjoyed this year a lot."

Lukas nodded and smiled a little. Mathias didn't seem content with the conversation though. He had a lot to ask. "Did you try to keep the job?"

Mr. Vainamoinen stopped smiling and nodded. "Of course," he said, playing with a staple remover on his desk. "But there's only so much fighting you can do before you turn to flight." Mathias thought about that and his eyebrows furrowed. Lukas glanced at him curiously.

"That doesn't seem right," he said finally. They both looked at him. "Well it isn't right. That's correct," Mr. Vainamoinen said. Mathias shook his head at the teachers comment and said, "No. They forced you into this situation and it's more like you're accepting it. Not really fighting or flighting or whatever."

Mr. Vainamoinen was completely silent for a moment. Finally, he said, "Mathias, I tried. I fought them as hard as I could have. Sometimes it isn't enough. They don't teach you that, but there will always be things that set you back and there is no helping it. No amount of "you can do whatever you put your mind to" and "If you can dream it, you can do it" will change the free will of the people around you."

Mathias didn't know what it was, but something inside of him snapped and the tears he'd been holding in since the visit to the principals office spilled. Both Lukas and Mr. Vainamoinen looked at him and tried to comfort him. Lukas held onto his arm and patted his back gently while the teacher kept saying, "It's okay! Mathias, it's okay!" He buried his face into his palm while his body shook with quiet sobs. "No it isn't," he muttered.

"Mathias, I didn't mean to say that. I shouldn't have said that," the teacher said quickly. He got up and pulled Mathias into a hug. The taller boy said, "That's not it. I know stuff can't always be fair, okay? I just really messed up and I'm so, so sorry, Mr. Vainamoinen. This is my fault. It's my fault you were fired, okay?!"

"Mathias," he said, starting to get choked up himself. "It isn't. You're supposed to be able to confide in a parent and you weren't able to, but that isn't your fault at all. You did your job as the child and if he couldn't do his job as your father, that isn't your fault, and it'll never be your fault." Mathias clutched onto Mr. Vainamoinen at this point, wishing the circumstances were different.

Lukas watched them both with wide eyes and tears started falling down his own cheeks. Mr. Vainamoinen pulled him off of the desk and hugged them both tightly. "I love you both. I really do," he said sincerely. "You'll both do great things, I can feel it." He flashed a smile and pulled away to look at them both with red, puffy, sticky cheeks. They were both trying to keep it under control and it would have been a little funny in a different situation.

"Tino," a voice from the doorway said. They all turned to see the janitor standing there. They all tried to make themselves look a little more put together, especially Tino. "Hey, Ber!" Mr. Vainamoinen said, giving the man a small wave. "Uh, Mathias and Lukas just came to say goodbye. Thank you both so much," he said to both of them before leaning down and giving them another hug. "Listen," he whispered, pulling them closer. "Take care of each other. Okay?" They nodded and new tears rolled down their cheeks.

"Good." He pulled away and smiled. The two walked to the door, then turned around to look at him again. The janitor was starting to help him pack things away. He gave a little wave and another smile, which they returned. They turned towards the doorway again and finally left, neither one knowing what to say.

* * *

Easter was exciting because of Spring Break. Mathias was just about craving a break. When he got home, he dropped his stuff in the doorway and crashed on the couch. He played video games and slept until his mother was home. She smiled and sat next to him. "Hey, sweetie! You excited for break?" He nodded quickly and sat up. "Definitely," he replied.

She smiled wider. "Good! Excited for Easter?" He smiled and leaned back. "Yeah. So ready for this week, honestly." She cleared her throat and patted his thigh. "Honey, we need to have a talk."

Oh, no. It was never good when she said they needed to have a talk. He frowned a little and looked over at her expectantly. "About?"

She pursed her lips, leaned forward, and gave him a little smile to start things off. She knew what she was about to say was going to upset him. "Well, your father wants to spend Easter with you. He wants you to go down to Munich on Wednesday and stay till Sunday night." Mathias immediately stood up and shook his head. "No. No. Absolutely not. No. Never."

"He wasn't too thrilled, either. You'll miss a football game, won't you?"

He scoffed and shook his head. "Yeah but I don't care if he isn't thrilled. If he isn't thrilled, tell him to call it off. I can't spend five days with him." He crossed his arms adamantly. He couldn't stand to even hear about his father anymore, not after how he'd gotten his teacher fired.

"Please. You can do it, I know you can. You never spend time with him, you can do it this once."

Did he really have a choice? He just shuffled up to his room, ignoring her comment. He knew he'd have to go and there was no use fighting it. I mean, he was definitely still bitter about it, but maybe now his father wouldn't want to see him again until Christmas.

That'd be great.

* * *

 **To review or not to review, that is the question.**


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18: "We Wish You a Merry Easter and a Happy New Spring"**

* * *

Mathias wasn't too fond of Munich. He'd gone down a few times to see his dad, but he never would have gone just to visit. It wasn't that it was bad, it was just that it wasn't home. The streets weren't familiar and his friends weren't here.

Plus, his dad was there, and he'd started despising him. He mostly stayed in the extra room his dad had in his loft. He wanted to pretend he wasn't actually there. He mostly played on his laptop. He called Lukas as often as possible His father was easy to avoid, too, because he was always working or watching football or something.

Easter wasn't much different, but he did expect to see Mathias for dinner. He figured that was fair enough. He'd been avoiding him for four days. He woke up early in the morning and found a thick stack of money on his nightstand in place of a basket. He picked it up and stuffed it into his wallet. He hated his dad, but he wouldn't deny the money.

He went out and bought a few things. New shoes, candy, a few books, and that was about it. He tried to stay out for as long as possible to avoid his dad, but he'd have to go back eventually, so he figured he'd go ahead and get it over with so he could be back in Copenhagen before midnight.

* * *

They went to dinner at some upscale place Mathias had never heard of. He stirred his drink and looked down at the tablecloth, pretty much counting the seconds down until he could leave. "So, Mathias, how's football? Off season, right?"

He shrugged, but didn't reply. His father waited for a good minute before saying, "You doing well? What position are you playing?" He finally looked up at him, but the moment he did, he felt his stomach drop and he looked down again. "Forward."

His father ate a piece of something that resembled steak and nodded as if he cared. "I played forward in college."

"I know," he snapped. He knew his dad had played forward. He'd probably told him a hundred times. Maybe more. But definitely not less. His father made a weird "hm" noise and shook his head slowly, putting his fork down. "What's wrong with you?" He asked, finally fed up with his sons attitude. Mathias put down the straw he'd been stirring with and looked at him coldly. "What do you think is wrong?"

He shrugged innocently. "You get this attitude from your mother. She got mad for no reason, too," he said, causing Mathias to nearly spit out the water he'd been drinking. "Are you kidding me? You got my teacher fired. I mean, who does that?"

There was a brief silence. "It wasn't professional of him to talk about what he was talking about around you." Mathias was silent as he watched him take another bite of his food. He was beyond pissed and the anger he'd been feeling for days now finally bubbled over. He picked up the ice water from the table and threw it in his fathers face, lemon and all. Heads were turning to see what was happening.

Mathias didn't care who was watching. He slammed the glass back down on the table, said, "I'll be gone when you get back," and left without another word, leaving his father in the restaurant with a soaked shirt and a shocked expression.

* * *

Lukas stepped right into his Easter basket when he climbed out of bed and got fake purple grass stuck on his sock. Suddenly, his door flung open and Emil was climbing onto his bed frantically. "Lukas, look what the Easter bunny brought me! LOOK!" He showed Lukas some sort of board game and laid it on his bed before digging in his brothers basket for him. "Lukas, the Easter bunny brought you a magic kit! I want a magic kit!"

Lukas rubbed his eyes and looked through the basket. It was mostly candy and little toys. Then there was the magic kit, of course, which he'd told his parents he wanted. He ate a little chocolate egg and Emil went ahead and opened his gift for him. "Careful," he said. He looked through the contents of the kit and smiled a little.

"Lukas! Emil! Come down here and show us what the Easter bunny brought you." Emil ran downstairs with the game in his hand again, but Lukas dressed first. He followed his brother downstairs. He was in the middle of talking, now. "Lukas, show them what you got!" Lukas smiled and said, "A magic kit."

They both pretended to be surprised and Lukas smirked. They all played along for Emil, who was as ecstatic as ever about the gifts the Easter bunny had gotten him. It was fun, though, to be in on the joke, though there were a few times when he'd almost let it slide that the Easter bunny wasn't real. He couldn't imagine Easter without Emil being so excited for the Easter bunny.

Easter was always relaxed. They had light meals until night-time, and at that point, his mother cooked. When they'd lived in Norway, he would have his grandparents over and his grandma would cook the best food, which always made him feel better. He didn't have that this year, but it had been such a good Easter. He savored his meal, too, eating as much as he could. Everything just seemed too right to not enjoy it. Not just with food, either. Everything felt good. His life felt good.

He smiled as he thought about that. He supposed a lot of it was thanks to Mathias. He truly didn't believe he would feel this good without having him in his life. He wished he was with them for Easter. He was probably miserable in Munich with his father. Lukas didn't even know the man and he hated him. But he was sure that Mathias was putting up with him well enough.

"Lukas, do you want some coffee?"

He looked up and over at his mother. "Hm?" She poured herself some coffee and got him down a mug. "Coffee, Lukas?" He nodded and leaned back in his chair. Emil tugged on his mothers shirt and said, "How come I can't have coffee?"

"You're too small for coffee," Lukas said. Emil stood up on the chair and glared at his brother. "Oh yeah? Looks like I'm pretty tall, big brother," he said, putting his hands on his hips. Lukas' father came by and lifted him off the chair, resting him on his shoulders. "Give him some coffee," he said to his wife. "Look how tall he is!" He winked and she nodded, playing along. She poured a little bit of black coffee into a mug and gave it to Emil, who grinned cheerfully.

The minute the coffee hit his tongue, he gave the coffee back to his mother. "Why do you drink that?!" He climbed down onto the chair again and rinsed his mouth out with water. "It's so bitter!" Lukas giggled and sipped his coffee.

His father looked over at his mother again and she cleared her throat, smiling a little. "Emil, why don't we go upstairs and play your new game?" He nodded, took his mothers hand, and they both went upstairs. Lukas watched curiously, then looked at his father, who was walking into the living room. He sat at the piano and waved Lukas over, patting the empty spot next to him on the bench.

Lukas sat down and pushed on one of the white keys, then looked up at his father. The man played the piano for a second, then stopped. "Lukas, do you know how much I love music?"

The boy nodded and watched him play a little more. He smiled, patted his head, and played again, but this time it was for a few minutes. When he stopped, he said, "I don't need music to live, but I couldn't live without it."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I can't explain why music makes me happy, but it does. It just does. I don't consciously choose to love music. It's the same with people." Lukas' eyes widened as he realized why he was telling him this. "She... she told you?" He started to get up to yell at his mother, but his father pulled him back down. "She did. She tells me everything because she's my best friend. We don't keep secrets."

He looked away from his father and mumbled under his breath. His father let out a little laugh and placed his hands on the keys. "It's going to be okay, yeah?"

Lukas nodded. "Yeah."

"Good. I thought so." He played a happier song, then said, "You know, sometimes I imagine there is a takeover of sports. Football and things like that just rule the world, and I imagine it's a crime to be a musician or listen to music or be an artist of any sort. All of it is outlawed. Everyone looks at people who still enjoy music and despise them for it. They think there's something wrong with them. And I think, what would I do? I'd continue playing. Within limits, nothing could take me away from this piano right now or ever. Same with love. If someone came in here and said I couldn't love your mother anymore, I'd tell them to shove it where the sun doesn't shine."

Lukas smiled a little at that and scooted a little closer. "Oh," was all he could think to say. He smiled at him and played a few chords. "I don't care who you love," he said with a reassuring smile. "It's more important that you love at all, Lukas. That's right, yeah?"

Lukas nodded. "That's right." His father smiled wider and pulled him into a hug. "That's what I thought. Now, you feel like learning something new on piano?"

* * *

 **I came, I saw, I reviewed.**


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19: "Field Punch"**

* * *

Today wasn't just any regular day. Today, they were going on a field trip, which was just about the best thing that could have happened. Actually, they were going to the history museum, but it definitely beat going to school. They all lined up and got on a bus. There were friends grabbing friends to sit next to on the bus and people claiming the esteemed backseats. Gilbert and Ned sat in the back together. Mathias sat near the back, too, much to Lukas' chagrin.

They were sitting too close to Gilbert for his taste, but Mathias wasn't one to back down, so he let Lukas sit on the inside and he sat on the outside. It was loud on the bus. Lukas couldn't be heard at all when he tried to speak and Mathias had to be louder than he usually was. Gilbert was making a lot of the noise. He was currently flipping off whoever was in the car behind the bus.

Mathias would have been doing it too if it weren't for Lukas and the fact that Gilbert probably hated him. He watched, though, smirking at some of the stuff they did. Lukas watched and leaned in, whispering, "Maybe you should give him a second chance." Lukas hated Gilbert. He really did. But he also hated seeing Mathias watch his two friends like that.

"I can't just be friends with him after how he treated you," he replied. The other boy just shrugged, knowing it ultimately wasn't his choice. Mathias smiled at him and leaned in closely so he could whisper. "Besides, I have you."

Lukas rolled his eyes but blushed nonetheless at the comment. Gilbert was still yelling though and the moment was short lived.

"YES I HAVE!"

"Gilbert, you haven't ever even been there."

"YES I HAVE! I WENT THERE ONCE!"

"You're not even allowed in the museum erotica, idiot."

Ned and Gilbert were bickering back and forth and Mathias rolled his eyes this time. He felt bad for Ned having to deal with him all the time. "Gilbert, you haven't been there. Stop yelling about it," he said, tired of hearing it. Gilbert and Ned both looked at him.

"Lookey there! Seems somebody wants to FIGHT ME!?"

Mathias stood up and turned around, nearly falling when the bus stopped again. "Yeah, I don't think so." Gilbert just laughed and pointed at him. "SCARED OF ME?" Mathias glared and clutched the back of the seat. "Should I be?!" Lukas grabbed his wrist and pulled him back down, shaking his head with a stern look. Gilbert was still laughing though and it took Mathias a lot of willpower to not turn around and lunge at him.

"Need your girlfriend to pick your FIGHTS?"

That was it. He stood up and stepped out into the aisle, hand raised and ready to strike Gilbert. Lukas stood up quickly, standing between Gilbert and Mathias, but in the midst of trying to sit him back down, he ended up with a bloody nose, the sound of Gilbert laughing in his ear, and Mathias fawning over him and muttering, "Sorry! Sorry!"

"YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO HIT GIRLS!"

He looked at Gilbert, but was done trying to fight him. It could only get worse from here. The teacher was already staring back at them and asking about what they were doing. Mathias covered the others nose with his jacket sleeve and said, "Nothing! Just dropped something and I was trying to find it!" He sat back down with Lukas and took off his jacket, still using the sleeve to wipe the blood away. At this moment, Mathias vowed to never fight again unless it was in self-defense. He really couldn't risk doing something like this again.

Lukas felt the warm blood gushing out of his nostrils and down his throat. It was salty and it made him sick. He pressed the cloth tighter to his face, then tilted his head back. "I'm so sorry! So, so sorry, Lukas!" Mathias said, not knowing what to do. Lukas just shook his head calmly and said, "Don't fight." Mathias nodded in agreement.

His nose finally stopped bleeding and now Mathias was pouring water from his water bottle onto the jacket and handing it to him. "So you can wipe it all off." Lukas scrubbed all the blood off and looked down at the jacket. "Sorry about the jacket," he muttered, his voice sounding stuffy. Mathias shook his head. "Nah, don't be sorry at all. It was my bad."

Gilbert was distracted by now. Thank goodness. Lukas couldn't stand to hear him cackling anymore. At least they were almost there.

When they got to the museum, they were split into groups. Luckily, Mathias and Lukas weren't in a group with Gilbert. They went through the motions for about half of it, but it was just so boring. Lukas could barely even stand it anymore. He tapped Mathias' shoulder and looked in his eyes, hoping he'd understand that he couldn't take anymore of this. He was thinking the same thing, though. Whenever they had a chance, they ditched the group.

It made Lukas a little nervous because they could have been caught, but Mathias was reassuring. "Hey, Lukas, look," he said, pointing to an old bald man in a painting. "That's you." Lukas scoffed and punched him in the arm. "No, that's me," he said, pointing to a man on the ground who was covered in blood. "After you punched me in the face."

Mathias was silent for a second. "Sorry, Lukas. Really." Lukas punched his arm again and said, "I'm teasing. It didn't even hurt." That was a lie, but he knew Mathias felt bad about it already. They continued walking through the museum, pointing at things and laughing, admiring other things and being genuinely impressed with others. This went on for a while until they could hear yelling from the next hall.

They cautiously moved closer and peered down the hall silently. It was Gilbert and some man in an ugly brown suit. He was yelling at him for entering a part of the museum he wasn't supposed to enter, apparently. They could see his face clearly. He looked like he might start crying and oddly enough, Mathias felt bad for him. He sighed and said, "Come on, Lukas."

He ran towards Gilbert. "Gilbert, there you are!" He talked slow and a little too cheerful. "You weren't supposed to wander off from the group, Gil!" Gilbert looked at him like he was insane, then squinted and started following along. "But! But! SHINY!" He said, pointing at a Viking helmet. Mathias grinned and nodded. "Yes, Gilbert. It is shiny, isn't it? Sir, I am so sorry! I was supposed to be his buddy today but I just lost track of him! He's a little on the slower side." The man looked suspicious, but nodded nonetheless. "Be more careful, please," he said briskly. They all nodded frantically and turned to go.

By the time they turned the corner, Gilbert was wiping the sweat off of his forehead and Mathias was rolling his eyes. "You're welcome, by the way."

Gilbert looked down. "Thanks. I probably would have gotten detention. And uh..." He started talking a lot quieter. "Sorry for making fun of him." He pointed at Lukas, who was watching from behind Mathias.

"Just don't do it anymore, okay? And I'll forgive you."

For once, Gilbert agreed, no questions asked. "Okay, okay. I'm done. Promise! Plus, it really sucks not having you for a friend, Mathias. Ned misses you, too."

Mathias nodded understandingly. "Yeah. I mean, I just need some time. But it's good actually talking to you instead of punching you." Gilbert laughed at that and started walking in the other direction. "I guess I'll go back. Tell them I really had to take a leak or something."

Mathias smirked and waved at him as he walked off. Lukas watched and said, "That was nice." At first, the other boy thought he was sarcastic, but he looked glad, actually.

* * *

When they got back to school, they still had to go to orchestra. When it was over, they began packing up and talking amongst themselves. "Hey, Mathias. My birthday is tomorrow," Lukas said. Mathias raised an eyebrow, wishing he would have been told sooner. "Oh! Where at? Should I come to your house?"

Lukas nodded. "Yes, around five. You can stay the night if you want," he said. Mathias nodded and said, "Happy early birthday!" Lukas smiled a little and nodded. "Thank you."

* * *

Lukas' eyes barely opened when he heard the phone next to his bed ring. He pushed the hair out of his face and stared at the little phone, it's clock lighting up brightly. It was midnight exactly. He wiped his eyes, picked up the phone, and put it up to his ear. "Hej?" His voice was groggy and he almost fell asleep again when he waited for the other person to respond.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LUKAS!"

Lukas stared blankly at the wall and wiped a little drool off of his cheek. "Mathias, do you know what time it is?"

"PARTY TIME!"

Lukas buried his face into his pillow and groaned. "I'm so tired, Mathias. I'm gonna fall asleep, okay? I'm just resting for a second." With that, he fell back asleep, not even bothering to hang up.

* * *

 **Hello! Instead of saying something strange about reviewing, I wanted to address a review that had many questions! I thought that some of you might have the same questions!**

 **1\. Who is Ned?** Netherlands. I have no idea why I called him Ned. I have just heard him called Ned so often and in my head, there was nothing else.

 **2\. How old are Lukas and Mathias?** 10-11. They do act mature, but I think it is easy to forget how mature children can be, especially at that age.

 **3\. Danish and Norwegian language barrier and lackthereof?** I've said it before in a previous chapter; I am not Danish or Norwegian or anything of the sort. The Germanic languages are not something I know a great deal about. When I wrote this, I did very little research during the actual process because it was just go go go. That was an error I was unable to catch. My apologies. (I will not go back and edit this, though.)

 **4\. Do they attend an English school?** They attend an international Christian private school. It is completely fictional and does not exist in Copenhagen. Everyone speaks English in this school because of the multiple language barriers.

 _ **I know this may seem like an unorganized mess, but you must trust me. I have been planning this entire story, and I do mean the ENTIRE story, for months. I have known the ending (the absolute ending) for months. Everything is written for a reason.**_

 **Alright! I believe that is all! Happy Thanksgiving to all the Americans and happy regular Thursday to everyone else! (Unless Thursday is your birthday. Then happy birthday.)**


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20: "Birthday Boy Bonus"**

* * *

The house looked cleaner than it had in a while because Lukas' grandmother was coming over from Norway to see him. He was excited to see her, too. He hadn't seen her in almost a year now and he missed her a lot. He cleaned up his room, too, since he figured Mathias would be in there. Once he thought everything looked perfect, he went downstairs and waited, practicing his violin to relax more.

His grandma was the first to show up. He hugged her tightly and grinned. She talked with him for a while about school and other things like that. He showed her some of the drawings he'd been working on and she picked out things she liked about each one. Sometime in the middle of showing her art, Mathias showed up. He quickly set his gift down. Lukas waved him over and said, "This is my grandma. This is Mathias." He shook her hand and smiled.

"Mathias, it's good to see you," his mother said as she put eleven candles into a round cake on the table. He nodded and said, "Good to see you, too!" His father was playing quietly at the piano while all of this was happening and Emil was in his grandmothers lap talking to her about a weird bug he'd seen once.

Lukas looked anxiously at the gifts and his mother handed them to him. First, it was the one from his parents. He always got money from them and a card, which was good because he liked to pick his own gifts. His grandmother had gotten him clothes, which was never a fun gift to get, but he thanked her anyways. He took the card off of Mathias' gift first and read it.

 _"Don't mention the book much. Just say it's a book of fairy-tales. Don't mention the bunny, either. Just pretend I got you the book. Trust me!"_

Lukas shrugged and took out the book. The cover was worn and it was clearly fairy-tales, as he'd said. He did what Mathias told him to do and put it all in his room when he was through. He came back downstairs and his mother lit the candles on his cake. They all gathered around and Lukas leaned in closely to the cake while they sang for him. His father was in the living room plucking out notes lazily on his piano.

Lukas smiled and looked at the candles, thinking about his wish. He wasn't sure what he wanted exactly. He felt like he had everything he wanted. Maybe a bike? He'd really wanted a bike ever since he'd moved here since he had to leave his last one in Norway. He looked at Mathias and thought about what sort of wish could be related to him. He hadn't gotten a lot of hugs lately, but it seemed silly to spend his wish on more hugs.

While they were singing, Mathias couldn't take his eyes off of Lukas. He looked truly stunning. The lighting was dim but the candles were bright, illuminating his face, especially his eyes. They were glossed over and each flame created it's own sparkle. Mathias had never drawn a good looking thing in his life, but if he ever wanted to draw anything, it was him at this very moment. His smile, his eyes, the way his nose scrunched when he was happy, the way his hairs were falling into his eyes and he just let them stay. Little things that were really so big.

Lukas blew out all of the candles in one try and smiled over at Mathias, who watched him in awe, a look of blatant adoration frozen on his face. He stared at him for a moment as his mother took out the candles and cut the cake, dishing slices out onto plates and passing them around the table. But Lukas was still looking at Mathias, and Mathias was looking back. He only looked away when his mother said, "Do you like the cake, Lukas?"

They had all been staring at him. He cleared his throat and took a bite. "Yes. It's very good," he said. Mathias followed suit, shoving a particularly large piece of cake into his mouth. It was probably the best cake he'd ever had. He ate two slices and thanked his mother. They all crowded into the living room afterwards. Lukas drank coffee, which surprised Mathias. They offered him some, too, and he drank a cup while listening to them speak in Norwegian with Lukas' grandmother.

Lukas felt a little bad about mostly speaking in Norwegian since Mathias clearly was having a little trouble with understanding every word, so he occasionally leaned in and told him jokes and silly things like that to make him feel like less of a stranger. When it was time for his grandmother to leave, Mathias shook her hand one more time. She was the type to use both hands to shake and he really liked that. She kissed Lukas' head, then Emil's, then his mothers, and finally patted Lukas' father on the back. Lukas walked her out to her car, then came back in and smiled at Mathias. "Explain the card."

Mathias grinned and started up to Lukas' room. They both went in and sat on the bed. The smaller boy reached for the red gift bag and pulled out the old-looking book. "I have this," he said, pulling his own copy of the fairy-tales out. Mathias just shook his head and said, "It's a first edition. My mom helped me pick it."

Lukas stared with huge eyes, then flipped through the book tenderly. "This is too much," he muttered, setting the book on his dresser as carefully as possible. He then looked into the bag and saw something else. His eyebrows furrowed as he pulled out a pink stuffed bunny that also looked older. He gave Mathias a quizzical look.

"This is really cheesy, but that was mine. I mean, my grandparents got it for me when I was five and I used it all the time. It's just been sitting on my bookshelf for a while and I figured it got me through some pretty hard times, you know? Got me through my parents divorce and I'd like you to have it. Sorry if it's super cheesy, also, but when my grandparents gave it to me, they put one of those funny little plastic hearts in its chest. I don't know, I guess that always made me feel better," he said nervously. Lukas looked at it, then glanced at Mathias.

"This is too, too much," he said again. "I can't take it if it means so much to you." He tried to force him to take it back, but he wouldn't grab, no matter how much Lukas pouted and pushed.

"It would mean so much if you would take it," Mathias finally said. The other nodded and gave a soft smile as he held the pink bunny close to his chest. "Thank you," he said, standing up and setting the bunny atop the book on the dresser.

Mathias rubbed the back of his neck and gave a cool smile. "No problem! I mean, it's your birthday and all so..." He looked down at Lukas and stopped talking. Why was he looking at him like that? He watched as he stepped closer and stood up on his tiptoes. _Oh._ Mathias leaned in and gave him a kiss. Lukas let out a sound of disapproval and crossed his arms. _Oh no, what did I do,_ he thought.

Lukas looked at him expectantly, but the other had no idea what he was supposed to be doing. The smaller boy rolled his eyes and said, "Hug me and kiss me at once. Like they do in films." Mathias raised both eyebrows and pursed his lips. Who was he to turn him down on his birthday, anyway? He pulled him into an embrace and kissed him again. He didn't let go of him after the kiss, either, and that seemed to be perfectly okay with the two of them.

"Mathias?"

He glanced down at Lukas and brushed his bangs out of his face. "Huh?"

Lukas paused before saying anything. He cleared his throat and glanced at the floor before looking back up at him with big eyes. "I love you." He looked down again and kept his cheek pressed to his chest, holding on for dear life as the other contemplated his reply.

Mathias definitely loved him. There was no doubt. He loved Lukas so, so much. He didn't know when it began, but he was sure he didn't want it to end. "I love you, too, Lukas!" He kissed the top of his head, hoping that was the right move. Finally, Lukas said, "Mathias?"

Mathias grinned and looked down at him again. "What?"

Lukas looked back up at him and shrugged. "You're my boyfriend, aren't you?"

Mathias hadn't actually thought about that, but he supposed he was, so he nodded. "But if I'm your boyfriend, are you my girlfriend?"

Lukas blinked and thought about that, then said, "No, I'm your boyfriend."

"We're both boyfriends?"

* * *

"What time is it?"

"Past twelve."

"What do you want to do, birthday boy?"

Lukas shrugged and grabbed an extra pillow from his closet. He tossed it to Mathias, then said, "What do you want to do?" Both boys looked at each other for a second, then Mathias pointed to the book on his dresser. "Read to me."

In all honesty, Lukas loved reading out loud. He was a good reader and he liked people to enjoy stories he enjoyed. "Will you be bored?"

The other shook his head, then laid down on the bed. "I'm ready," he murmured. Lukas nodded and opened the book, then sat at the foot of the bed. He read for a while, then looked up when he thought Mathias was asleep. "Mathias?" He was still awake. He sat up and looked at him curiously. "Huh?"

At this point, Lukas was tired from reading. He looked at the bright pages drowsily and laid down next to Mathias, who took the book from his hands. "You want me to take a turn reading?" Lukas eagerly nodded and pulled the blanket up. Within minutes he was completely asleep, mouth open a little and hair covering his cheek. Mathias leaned over, flipped out the lamp, and laid next to him again.

"I love you, Lukas," he said again. "I really, really do."

* * *

May 1st rolled around and the weather was beautiful. Spring was in the air, which meant love was spreading rapidly along with the fever all warm weather brings. Lukas and Mathias threw all care out the window with the cold, and when they sat in class, their hands found each other under the desk, and for the entire lesson they would stay that way.

Lukas had never been so happy in his entire life. He smiled more, talked more, laughed more. Everything was so much brighter. When there was bad, there was a shoulder to lean on, and when there was good, there was a shoulder to be raised on. He was proud of Mathias for letting go his reputation, which he officially did on the Monday after his birthday.

When he came into school and sat at his desk, he smiled and asked Lukas how he was. It wasn't like he normally did it, either. It was much more loving, much more caring. When he was outside with him, he would hold his hand. People stared, people talked, and neither cared. Gilbert and Ned didn't even care. They knew what kind of person Mathias was and that was all that mattered.

Both gained a few friends from it, too. The other students thought it was interesting, some even wondering if _they_ were allowed to do that, to which Mathias would say, "If you want."

Word spread quickly, and soon even the girls building knew that there were two boys who were together, and they were all intrigued. They waited for the rides and hoped to see Mathias and Lukas. When they spotted them, they would smile and point, some sincerely, others mockingly, but again, neither cared.

Soon enough, it wasn't just the students who pointed. It was teachers, too. Some said that it was cute. Others were bothered by it. Some had no opinion. Not that it would have mattered anyway. It didn't effect them. Usually.

After about two weeks, there was so much gossip and rumors that the teachers had to do something. Some voted to do nothing, but others labeled it as a distraction. The counselor was eager to talk to the boys, as she found their situation interesting. The janitors heard it, too, and because the janitors heard it, Mr. Vainamoinen heard it, and though the boys didn't know it, they had him rooting for them.

What really broke the camels back was a quick kiss Mathias had given Lukas after orchestra. It had just been a peck, that's all, but the orchestra teacher had spread the word around along with a few students in the orchestra. All the teachers knew about it and grew more and more concerned. Eventually, it came to the point where both Lukas and Mathias were called down to the office.

They sat down in the uncomfortable blue chairs and looked around nervously, prepared to say or do anything to prove that this was a right they held. Whenever they felt like buckling, they thought of their ex-teacher and they stood strong again. The principal smiled a little and pulled out the same yellow notepad he always pulled out when he asked incriminating questions.

"I hear you're a couple?" He said. They both nodded and did nothing more. He raised both eyebrows and wrote in his notepad. "I've heard a great deal about it. You could say it's become a bit of a distraction."

Quicker than lightning Mathias replied, "Gilbert Bielschmidt and Liz Hevedary have been a couple since the dance in February. He kisses her in the front of the school, then she goes to class. When school is over, they both meet in the library. They kiss goodbye. So why is it a problem if I do the same?"

The principal was now flat out frowning with no response ready for use in his yellow notepad. He wrote down what Mathias had said. "I'm going to start enforcing a no PDA rule. Nobody gets to perform public displays of affection. It's all distracting and this is a place for education, not for courting." They both nodded, then Mathias said, "I see, sir."

Lukas had been helping him control his anger, and it was really coming in handy. People treated him a lot better when he treated them better. The principal even nodded and wrote them a pass back to class, knowing that there was nothing else he could do. When they were out, they both smiled, grasped each others hands, and headed back to class.

* * *

When Mathias came home that day, his mother led him right to the couch and had him sit. "Honey, I got a call from the principal today," she said, a worried look in her eyes. He inwardly groaned and sat next to her, crossing his arms firmly across his chest. He knew she was just going to talk about how concerned she was.

"He says you have a boyfriend? Is that true?" He pursed his lips and nodded. The cat was out of the bag now, anyway. No use lying about it still. To his surprise, though, she pulled him into a hug. He stared at her, his eyebrows furrowed. "What?"

She gave him a loving squeeze and said, "Just know I love you no matter what. Okay? And it'll take me a while to fully accept, it really will, but sweetie... I love you, you know that, don't you?" She looked like she was going to cry and he felt so bad. He hugged her back tightly, mumbling quietly. "Mom, I'm okay! Really. I know you love me and I... I love you, too."

He was so shocked. He thought she'd be mad. He knew his father would be outraged. He pulled away and looked at her with widened eyes. "Mom, you didn't tell dad, did you?"

She shook her head. "Hell no, sweetie." He laughed a little, relieved. "You know I'd never tell him that. If you ever want to tell him, it's up to you," she said with a little giggle. She pulled him into a hug again and said, "If you ever need anything, just ask me." He smirked and hugged her tighter. "I always do, mom."

* * *

When Lukas came home that day, his mother flashed him a wide grin and gave him a high-five. "I got a call from your principal today, Lukas. You've got a boyfriend now, huh?" He stared up at her and blushed, but nodded nonetheless. She smiled and patted his head. "That's why you've been so happy, right?"

He smiled and nodded. Emil looked up at him with a grin. "I like Mathias, too! He's super nice!" Lukas smirked and lifted his brother up onto his back. "Lukas, he tells good jokes, too!"

"Stupid jokes," he corrected with a smile. His mother shrugged and said, "You'll have to keep me posted. Tell me how it goes."

He rolled his eyes, but still smiled all the same.

* * *

 **I want an official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred word range model story review.**


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21: "Fear and Loathing in Copenhagen"**

* * *

Mathias swung Lukas' hand back and forth with each step he took. He was walking him home today because his mother wasn't able to pick him up with Emil being sick. The weather was nice, though, as it was the middle of May. The sky was vibrantly blue and the smell of flowers seemed to waft around the suburbs.

"Hey, are you pretty excited for the last orchestra concert or what?" Mathias asked. He was especially excited. He had been practicing a lot more and was always thrilled to be able to show off. Lukas nodded and said, "Yes."

"Have you been practicing?"

Lukas smirked a little. "We've all been practicing." He was definitely aware of how often Mathias practiced and how hard he worked on his music. The way he talked about playing, he had to have been playing outside of orchestra a great deal, and though it annoyed him at times to hear him go on about it, it made him happy to see Mathias happy.

"So I was wondering if you might, uh... be interested in coming to see my football game tomorrow? You don't have to! I know you don't like it," Mathias said quickly, his grip on the other boys hand tightening.

Mathias was right about that. Lukas didn't like sports. But he did like Mathias, so he said, "I'm interested," voice neutral as ever. The taller boy sighed in relief, then handed him a paper from his pocket. "Good! The address is on there. It's an away game." Lukas shoved the paper into his pocket as they approached his house. He looked from the front door to Mathias, not wanting the walk to end, but Mathias had football practice today and had to leave.

Mathias gave him a little kiss and hugged him tightly, the other wrapping his arms around him with a little smile on his lips. "Uh, I love you... like, a lot," Mathias said awkwardly, not knowing if that was the right thing to say in this situation, but the way Lukas beamed at the comment made him realize that he'd said the right thing. "I love you, too."

They stared at each other for a second, Mathias wanting to be a gentlemen and wait until Lukas was in the house before leaving, and Lukas, just wanting to watch Mathias as he left. Finally, they both turned at the same time and giggled.

"Wait, Lukas!"

He turned as he opened the door. "Hm?"

"I love you!"

He smiled. "You already said that," he said, looking down. "Stupid. I love you, too."

Mathias winked, and with that, he left, leaving Lukas bright red and leaning against the door. When Lukas could no longer see the other, he went inside. He ran upstairs and put all of his school stuff away, then raced back downstairs for the kitchen.

He dug around in the cabinet for some cookies, grabbing two and sitting down at the table. He nibbled on them and daydreamed a bit, pausing on the occasion to let out little giggles he wished he would have been more ashamed of.

"Lukas?"

His mother was standing in the doorway, but there was someone behind her. His father. He was normally at work at this time and Lukas was completely confused. "Dad?"

They were both smiling nervously, which made Lukas incredibly nervous as well, but also curious. He set the cookie down and they each took their seats across from him. Neither of them said anything for a few seconds, so he took it upon himself to say, "Why is dad here?"

His dad was never home at this time of the day. Never. He suspected they wanted to talk to him about Mathias. That seemed to be a popular topic in their house lately and he'd grown accustomed to it by now. He tucked his hands in his lap and waited patiently for whatever they were going to tell him.

His parents looked at each other, then at their son. Finally, his mother said, "Something very wonderful happened today, Lukas."

He said nothing, expecting her to go on, but she just looked at him expectantly. He shrugged awkwardly and said, "What?"

They looked at each other again. It was his father who answered this time. "Well, I was offered a job as a professor at a university. We'll be making a lot more than we are now, I can tell you that much," he said with a faint smile. Lukas raised his eyebrows and smiled a little. "That's good." He was really happy for his father. He worked hard and deserved a better position.

To his surprise, his mother didn't smile. He sunk back in the chair a little. "Why aren't you happy?" He asked, thinking of all people, his mother would be ecstatic. She'd been hoping he would be getting a better position sometime soon, and now that it was actually happening, she was upset? She just shook her head and said, "I am very happy, Lukas."

He blinked, not understanding what the problem was. "What school is it? Is it the big one close to mine?"

His father cleared his throat, then said, "The Catholic University of America."

Lukas' smile slowly faded as he realized why they both weren't smiling anymore. He looked down at the floor, then looked up quickly, his eyes becoming wider. "What?"

"Lukas-"

"America? The... of America?"

They both nodded. His father couldn't look up from the table and his mother was trying to grab his hand, but he pulled it away sharply and said, "We're moving again? That's what this is about?!"

They both nodded. He shot out of his chair and started breathing faster, coming closer and closer to hyperventilating. "Where?"

"Washington D.C."

He felt tears brimming in his eyes. "Wh... ? No! When are we leaving?"

"May 30th."

He was trying to stop the constant flowing of tears, but it was nearly impossible. "I don't even get to go to the last day? And I have to miss the last concert!" He bent down and began to cry into his palms. "Oh, no." He looked up, gasped, and reached for the phone on the counter. "Mathias," he said, more tears gliding down his cheeks. His face was twisted into one of pain and betrayal and he'd never felt so terrible in his life.

"Lukas," his father said, taking the phone from him. "Calm down before you call him. You'll scare him."

The boy didn't care. He ran into the living room and shoved his feet into his shoes as quickly as he possibly could, all while muttering "no" under his breath constantly. His mother started to touch his shoulder, but he pushed her hand away, glaring at her. "You've ruined my life!" He said through little sobs.

She felt guilty, but she knew everything was going to be okay and she wished Lukas could have understood, but all he understood was the pain he was currently going through. "Lukas, you need to calm-"

"N-No!" He cried out, opening the front door. His mother grabbed his arm and pulled him closer. "Listen, Lukas. Listen to me." Her voice was firm, no longer sugary or sweet. "You need to calm down right now. This is going to be a good thing for all of us, and you'll see once we get to D.C. that this is the case. You'll make new friends. You didn't think you'd make friends here and you met Mathias."

Upon being reminded of Mathias, he broke into a new fit of sobs. "Mathias isn't my friend! I love him, mama!"

His father was watching from the kitchen. He had no idea what to say or how to make the situation better, so he left it to his wife, who wished he would speak up. "Look at me. Now." He turned hesitantly to look at her. "Lukas, you're too young for that. You're going to meet plenty of people to love and more people that say they love you. You're a child. So is Mathias. You both have plenty of time to experience love."

"But I love-"

"It's an infatuation! If we would have stayed, you would have hated each other in a month! It's short lived. It burns fast, burns brightly, and it burns out. Love and infatuation are different. Do you understand?"

He was silent. One tear rolled down his cheek as his face scrunched up again, leading to a series of soft cries. He pushed his hands to his face again and wept, not knowing what else to do. The minute his mother stepped away, he bolted for the door, one hand still covering his face.

"Lukas! LUKAS!"

The wind hummed in his ears as he ran towards his school. He ignored the yelling behind him, dead set on reaching Mathias at football practice.

* * *

Mathias kept running along the track steadily. He had one more lap to go until he could take a break. Whenever he got tired, he thought about Lukas. What would _he_ think if he couldn't even do this? He was supposed to be strong. He pushed through the pain, ignoring the ache in his side completely and the drops of sweat rolling down his temple. He was thankful that it was a windy day. It would have been hell if it wasn't windy.

When he finished his laps and got through his break, they scrimmaged, which was just about his favorite thing to do in practice because it was the closest they ever came to playing an actual game in practice. By the time it was over, he was sweaty and tired. He gathered up his things, bent over to grab his water bottle, and felt somebody grab onto him from behind. He immediately stood straight up, an amused expression on his face, and turned to see a very upset Lukas.

"M-Mathias!?" Lukas gave him a tight hug, not really caring if he was sweaty. He was already crying and he couldn't even stop long enough to explain why. Mathias was more than worried. He was scared, angry, and defensive, absolutely ready to fight for the other boy. "What's wrong? What happened? Someone hurt you?"

He shook his head and gasped for air. He could feel Mathias' hand wiping tears off of his cheeks, lips on his forehead, and the taller boy embracing him again. He melted into the hug, sobbing more but a lot softer than before. "M-Mathias, I... " He choked on his words. They were all caught in his throat with his tears and he didn't know how to tell him. "I have to m-move," he sputtered, eyes clouding over again.

Mathias stared at him. "Uh? Move? Like, move away? To?"

"America, Mathias! Washington D.C." He trailed off at the end and his face scrunched up more. "S-So far away!" Mathias just stared at him, not knowing what to do at all. He knew he had to stay put together, though the news made him feel like someone had shoved their hand into his chest and was mangling his heart.

First, he called his mother and told her he'd take the bus home, then he took Lukas out to the nearest cafe' so they could actually sit and talk this through. He bought him a pastry, but Lukas wouldn't even touch it. He sipped at his glass of water and wiped at his eyes every so often.

"Lukas, I promise it'll be okay," he said, grabbing the others hand. "You can call and we can talk every single day if it'll make you feel better, I promise. I won't ever drop you." The way Mathias talked about it made him feel better, and although he was still squeezing tears out, he was also letting out tiny smiles as he realized that Mathias cared so much about him that he was willing to go great lengths to make it last.

"You know," he began, finally taking a bite of the pastry. "She said you didn't really love me. She said it would die out."

Mathias scoffed. "Who?"

"My mama."

The other rolled his eyes and leaned forward defensively. "You know that's not true, right?" Lukas looked down at the pastry again, looking a little uncomfortable and thinking he might start crying again. He didn't know it wasn't true. He wished it wasn't, but there was no way to tell.

"Lukas, that's not true. I really love you. I really don't know how I'd ever love anyone else. I mean, you're so cute and you're super nice. Just... really perfect."

Lukas wiped his nose on his sleeve and sniffled quietly. "No," he said softly, "I'm not really. And when I'm gone you'll find someone who's REALLY p-perfect." He tried to hold it in, he really did, but he was sobbing and everyone was staring. Mathias quickly escorted him out. "Lukas, please," he pleaded, trying to get the boy to stop. "You can stay at my house tonight, okay? Everything is going to be alright. I promise."

"How can you promise that?" He tried to catch his breath while wiping tears off his face with the back of his hand. "You can't guarantee that! Everything isn't okay because I'm not going to be here anymore!" He was still trying to catch his breath and people who passed by stared. Mathias grabbed Lukas' arm and started dragging him towards the bus stop.

Each little cry broke his heart and he couldn't take it. It was taking everything he had to not start crying with him before he got home. And it was even harder with him breaking down every minute. He was surprised he was even able to hold it in this long. Once the bus rolled around and they got on, that was home enough and he broke down, too, in the back seat.

* * *

 **"For it is good to be children _sometimes_ , and never better than at Christmas, when its mighty Founder was a child Himself."**


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22: "Cross (out) my Heart and (really) hope to Die"**

* * *

When the boys got back to Mathias' house, his mother was outside opening her car door. She did a double take when she saw both of them. "What are you doing, sweetie? Hello, Lukas!" Lukas waved awkwardly. "Honey, I've got to go to work. I'll be back later tonight. Is that okay? Do you need anything?" She stepped into the car and started it. Mathias came up to the window and said, "Lukas is going to stay the night, mom. Is that cool?"

She contemplated it for a minute. It was definitely different having him over now, and she was a lot more hesitant, but she nodded anyways. "Yes, yes. Be good!" With that, she left for work. They both went inside. Mathias set his things down quickly and turned to Lukas. "What will make you feel happy?"

Lukas stared at him and just shrugged. "Nothing," he replied. Mathias sighed and shook his head, then went into the kitchen and opened his laptop. Lukas watched as he typed, clicked, and started digging out things from the cabinets. Lukas sat on one of the stools and watched, confused. Mathias pulled out a large jar of flour and a few sticks of butter. "What are you making?" He asked, not being able to contain his curiosity.

"Butter cookies."

He crossed his arms and squinted. "How'd you know I-"

"Your mom told me."

Lukas raised an eyebrow and shrugged. He watched Mathias stir all of the ingredients together, happy to be watching someone bake the cookies for him instead of doing it himself. Once the dough was finished, Mathias pushed him the bowl and set down a cookie sheet. "Go ahead," he insisted, crossing his arms. Lukas reached for a spoon and dropped lumps of cookie dough onto the sheet. It made him feel a lot better and he was so much more relaxed when he was concentrated on something.

"Mathias?"

He looked up hopefully. "Yeah?"

Lukas smiled very faintly and sprinkled some flour into the others hair. "The kitchen is a mess now."

Mathias smirked and tried to get the flour out, but it just came in puffs. "Yeah, yeah. Just finish up that cookie sheet, okay?"

Lukas went to slide the sheet into the oven, but started laughing suddenly. "Mathias, you have to turn the oven on." Mathias blushed and turned the oven on, mumbling under his breath while doing so. "Okay, it's on." Lukas just shook his head.

"The oven has to heat up now."

Mathias scoffed, rolled his eyes, and pushed himself up onto the counter. "I knew that!" The defensive tone in his voice was just as good as saying he didn't know that at all. But Lukas liked that Mathias wasn't the best at baking. He liked being able to have a skill that he didn't have. It made him feel like he had more of a purpose. He smiled as he slid the cookies into the oven. "That'll be twenty minutes," he said, setting the timer.

"So what now?"

Lukas' smiled faded as he remembered his situation again. He plopped back down on the stool and tapped his fingers quietly. He didn't know "what now". He was more curious to see "what later". This would have been such a good day if he wasn't moving. He wouldn't have been sulking now, he would have been smiling, probably doing something wonderful with Mathias, but distracting himself was nearly impossible. There was no way to pretend he wasn't moving, no way to pretend that he wasn't going to be far away in less than a month.

"Lukas, you gotta stop. You need to enjoy your time."

He was right. He was so right. But it wasn't his choice. He wanted to be happy, but it was too hard now. He felt a small tear slide down the side of his nose and didn't even bother with brushing it away. Mathias sighed and kissed his cheek. "Please smile."

He looked down a little more, but Mathias was relentless. He kissed his cheek over and over again, making each one louder until finally he just kept his lips there and was making the same silly kissing noise over and over. As stupid as Mathias felt, Lukas giggled and that was worth feeling stupid.

His smile soon faded, though, and he said, "I'm scared."

Mathias frowned and said, "Of?"

That was definitely the wrong thing to say. Asking that was like opening a Pandora's box of tears and any amount of apathy Lukas had vanished as he started to cry again. "I'm afraid you'll meet someone better and cooler and you'll forget all about me!" His voice was trembling and there was that awful feeling in Mathias' chest. "You'll start loving them and you'll hate me and I'll be in America with no friends! And people will be mean to me and you won't be there!" It was getting so bad that Lukas couldn't even talk anymore and he buried his face into his arms for a minute before coming back up.

"Lukas, I-"

"I don't want you to love someone else!" He brushed his hair out of his face, though a few pieces that were slick from his tears stayed on his cheeks. "L-Like a pretty girl and you won't love me anymore."

Each word stung so much. He wouldn't dream of hurting Lukas like that. He hugged him and kissed his head as many times as he could before he finally had to reply.

"Lukas," he paused when he felt a tear sliding down his own cheek. He blinked the rest back and said, "I love you a lot. A lot. Like, an insane amount. I will never ever do that to you. Plus, there is no girl that looks better than you. Girls all look ugly compared to you. I will never forget you, either. I will be a hundred years old, sitting in my rocking chair, and yelling at kids and I'll be thinking about you the whole time."

Lukas let out a weak laugh and hugged him tighter. "I don't want you to be old and thinking about me. I want to stay with you. I want to be in a rocking chair with you and we can yell at kids together." Mathias laughed and kissed his head again. He wanted that, too. He looked into Lukas' eyes and he was still crying. How could one person even produce so many tears?

"Lukas, I promise I'll see you again after you go. We can live to be a hundred together and we can yell at kids all we want."

Lukas didn't believe it. There was still no guarantee. He pouted and looked up. "You could just be saying that," he said grouchily. Mathias shrugged and nodded. "Yeah, could be," he began, "But I'm not." Suddenly, a thought occurred to him. "Hey, Lukas! We could get married, right? I mean, everyone else gets married. So technically, we could get married, right?"

Lukas' eyes lit up at the idea and he nodded. "Yes. I think so?"

Mathias let go of him and thought for a second. "So, I mean," he got down on one knee and looked up at Lukas, who watched him with large eyes. "I'd really like to marry you. So you'll go to America, but we can meet up sometime and I'll marry you, then you can live with me and you'll never have to do anything you don't want to ever again."

Lukas beamed as he looked down at him on his knee. "But do I have to wear a dress at the wedding?"

Mathias smirked and shook his head. "Nah. You could just wear a suit, I bet. A white suit! That'd be really cool. And we could get a really cool house and just stay there." Lukas nodded and hopped off the stool eagerly. "What about a ring, Mathias?"

He hadn't thought about that. He ran upstairs really quick and grabbed a watch from his drawer, then ran back downstairs and resumed his position on his knee. "Okay, so I don't have a ring. But I have this watch my grandpa gave me. It's close enough, right?"

Lukas smiled and nodded. He extended his hand and watched as Mathias clipped it onto his wrist. It was a little big, but it didn't slide off and looking at it made both of them feel proud. "Do I give you something?" Lukas asked. Mathias hadn't thought about that. "I think so! Maybe."

Lukas reached up and pulled the clip out of his hair. "Here," he said, clipping it into Mathias' hair. "I have two more just like it." Mathias brought a hand up to touch the hair clip. It meant a lot to Lukas, he was sure of it. He wore it in his hair every single day. "Thank you, Lukas," he said. "So we're engaged now, right?"

"Yes. I think so. But Mathias, now we really have to get married. That's a rule."

Mathias rolled his eyes. "Yeah, of course. I'll marry you if it's the last thing I do."

Lukas smiled as he continued to look down at him. "Cross your heart?"

"Cross my heart and hope to die," he said, dragging his fingers over his chest. He stood and pulled Lukas in closer, then gave him a loving kiss. "That seals the deal," he said with a grin. Lukas couldn't help but to smile. The idea of marrying Mathias made him feel lighter than air and suddenly, he wasn't so afraid.

* * *

 **The best way to spread Christmas cheer, is to leave a review right down here** ↓


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23: "Relationship goals and fouls"**

* * *

It was understood that neither of them would talk about Lukas leaving. It just made everything that much harder and Lukas didn't think he could bare it. They acted like they always did, wanting to truly savor the little time they had left. They were around each other as much as possible nowadays. It didn't matter if Mathias had soccer. Lukas came with him. It didn't matter if Lukas stayed after school to work on art. Mathias came with him. They didn't let each other out of their sights if they could help it.

The time was bittersweet. They felt happy to share company, but on the other hand, they were a reminder in themselves. Everyone seemed to understand their predicament once they found out that Lukas was going to America. The word had spread when someone had asked Lukas where he was going to school next year and he just said, "Somewhere in America."

Everyone actually thought it was really cool that he was moving to America, but they also understood it wouldn't be as great as it seemed because he was having to leave Mathias behind, and they felt for Mathias, too. It was clear the kind of distress he was going through. Even Gilbert tried to comfort him. They had talked a lot more, too. It made Mathias feel a little better, but it didn't change the fact that Lukas was leaving.

It was May 26th now. He had less than a week with Lukas. While everyone was excited about the last day of school approaching, he was aching. Lukas was, too, and that alone was enough to depress him. But Lukas was trying to be strong. He didn't want to be remembered as bitter and grouchy.

They told no one about their "engagement". That was for their ears alone. Nobody could figure it out or try to mess it up. But they wouldn't forget, and that was just enough to make it valid. Lukas kept the watch in a shoebox under his bed and was sure that his mother would never look into it. Mathias hid the hairclip in his closet with the music book he'd gotten from Lukas for his birthday. Taking either out would be too risky.

"Lukas," Mathias said after school that day as they were walking down the hall. "Do you want to come to my game tomorrow? It's here. I just thought you still haven't seen me play."

The thought had completely crossed Lukas' mind. He hadn't been able to go to the game he was supposed to go to because his mother had called him home, and he'd just forgotten about it since then. He felt a little guilty. "Yes. I'll come." Mathias grinned and gave him a quick, excited hug. "Good!"

* * *

The next day was cloudy, but the air was warm as Lukas walked up to the school. He shoved his hands into his pockets and looked around quickly, noticing that everyone else was headed to the field. He followed eagerly. He had actually never been this excited when it came to a football game. He sat down at the bottom of the old wooden bleachers. There were mostly parents at the game and Lukas felt a little out of place.

When he scanned the bleachers, he noticed that Mathias' mother wasn't there. She probably had work. He shrugged and looked out at the field. The game had just started and Mathias was already out playing. He was surprisingly fast. Lukas knew he was athletic, but the more he watched, the more he realized the extent of it.

He was good. Really good. He didn't play sports himself, but he knew enough about football to know that he was just about the best player on the team. It was hard to even keep up with him with just his eyes. He had no idea how any of the players on the other team were dealing with him down there. They were fast, but he was always faster.

He hated to admit it, but it was fun to watch. It almost made him wish he was good at sports. He stood up to see better when they went further down the field. Mathias was trying to take the ball from some other boy. As expected, he succeeded and started back the other way. He sent the ball flying into the net and there was a quiet cheer from his teammates. He didn't seem to care, though. He continued playing like it was nothing.

As soon as the ball was back in, he was on it along with the same boy he'd taken it from earlier. They were so close together and in one wrong move, Mathias was shoved to the ground. Lukas stared blankly at the field, his eyes only narrowing for a minute. He wished he could see that boys face better. He already didn't like him.

Mathias immediately got up and was called to the bench. Lukas really should have continued to watch the game, but he was just watching Mathias get his knee cleaned by someones mother on standby. He was tempted to go down and check on him, but he stayed in his place with the parents.

By the time it was over, Mathias was sweaty and tired, but when he saw Lukas in the bleachers, he waved happily. Lukas smiled and waved back. The other stood there for a moment, looked around, then blew Lukas a kiss.

Lukas stared at him, blushed, and tried to ignore the mothers staring at him. He sat down until Mathias was finished talking to his coach. He was glad when he finally came over and gave him a hug. A sweaty hug. But it was still a hug. "Did you like it?" He asked.

Lukas nodded. He thought he would have to lie when he was answering this question, but he truly enjoyed it. "Yes. You were good." Mathias blushed a little and shrugged like it was nothing, but it was clear that it was important to him to hear that. "Hey, uh, do you want to go get something to eat with me?"

Normally, Lukas would have said yes, but this time, he couldn't. "Sorry," he said, looking down. "I have to finish packing." Mathias nodded understandingly, then said, "I could help?" Lukas smiled, relieved. He was hoping he'd ask that.

"I'd like that, Mathias."

* * *

Mathias sat on the bed and looked around the room. It was already looking bare. So much had already been packed and it reminded him of the reality of the situation. Lukas was packing away his art supplies piece by piece. He had a backpack next to him that he would occasionally put something in. The pink bunny was sticking out of the top. "What's that bag for?"

Lukas turned and put a pack of crayons into the bag along with a sketchpad. "For the flight." Mathias nodded and looked at the pink bunny more, then at Lukas. "I'll fit in that bag, I bet. Take me with you." He smiled as he said it, but he was only half joking. If there was a way he could have gone, he would have figured it out and packed by now.

Lukas wasn't amused. He wanted to take Mathias with him so badly that it just hurt to hear it. He stopped packing and just laid down on his bed. He stared at the ceiling like it was the prettiest ceiling he'd seen in his life. He hadn't been in the house for long, but it was home. It would actually be somebody elses home soon. They'd had several calls about it already.

"Mathias?"

"What?"

He patted the spot next to him and Mathias laid down with him, staring at the ceiling as well. There was a little crack in it and a few very faint stains from leaks. He turned to look at Lukas. He didn't know what to say, so he said nothing. He just looked at him. He wanted to remember him just like he was now. Dark blue eyes looking forward, mouth open just enough to reveal his pretty teeth, his hair resting on his forehead.

When he turned to look back at him, Lukas gave a little smile. "Why are you staring?" Mathias just shook his head and smiled. "I just want to remember you," he replied. He then sat up a little and said, "I mean, I will, but you looked really good and I wanted to remember how you looked just then. If that makes sense."

Lukas yawned, then scooted a little closer. "I understand. Wait." He looked up at him and decided to do the same. He had bright blue eyes and a really radiant smile. His hair was a little crazy. He giggled and touched it. It was fitting for him. It matched his personality. "Are you laughing at my hair?"

Lukas laughed a little more, but didn't answer. Mathias scoffed and reached out to touch his hair, but it was actually really soft and nice and honestly, he couldn't say anything bad about it. Lukas smirked, but didn't push his hand away. It actually felt nice having him touch his hair. He closed his eyes and enjoyed it while it lasted.

"Wow, now you're using me, huh?" Mathias said, pulling his hand away. Lukas pouted and sat up. He punched the others arm lightly. "Not using you."

"Oh?"

"Oh." He laid back down and started kicking him off the bed. He was halfway off the bed when he finally said, "No, no! Wait, I was kidding." Lukas stopped with a small smirk, then Mathias said, "That was close. Almost had to touch the big, scary floor. Horrifying."

Lukas gave him another kick and he was on the floor laughing. He looked down at him and they stared at each other for a short while.

"I lied. This is how I want to remember you, Lukas."

* * *

 **Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Feliz Navidad,** **Frohe Weihnachten,** **Feliz Natal, God jul, Wesolych Swiat Bozego Narodzenia, and Selamat Natal to all of you!**

 **A/N: _I would like to remind all readers that the next chapter is the final chapter. Please see my profile for more information if interested._**


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24: "The 'Grand' Finale"**

* * *

They had said their goodbyes the day before. Lukas wasn't allowed to come out today. He was busy packing and he'd be leaving this evening.

Mathias hated to admit it, but it wasn't a good goodbye. He had a little over a minute to say goodbye because Lukas was so busy, busy enough that he couldn't even go to school, and it wasn't what he thought it would be. It was a little awkward and a lot sad. The part that was the sweetest was the kiss, but then again, every kiss from Lukas was sweet. They embraced once more, and then his mother said it was time for him to start packing again.

Lukas let go and waved at him from the doorway as he walked back down the street. He had tried to ignore the tears rolling down Lukas' cheeks and tried harder to ignore the knot growing in his own throat. He still hadn't cried. He was toughing it out.

Now it was the 30th, the night of their final orchestra concert. Mathias clutched the cello case in his hand with an odd sort of determination as he walked into the school. He almost expected Lukas to be there, but he knew deep down that he wasn't. He wouldn't be there when he climbed onto the stage and he wouldn't be there when he stepped off of it. And he wouldn't be there tomorrow, or the next day.

His eyes glossed over, but he wasn't crying. He didn't cry. He couldn't cry. He went to his seat on the stage and took out his cello. He prepared it, then took out his sheet music. The lump in his throat was getting larger, but he swallowed it down. _No time for that_ , he told himself as he organized the music on the stand.

He watched as more of the students piled onto the stage. Parents had completely filled the audience and he looked out. He could see many faces, but three stuck out. The first, to his surprise and delight, was Mr. Vainamoinens. He actually smiled for the first time all day and waved at him. The man waved back, flashing a grin. The janitor was next to him, but he looked a lot better than before. He could have passed for a teacher. Mathias smiled and waved at him, too. He didn't smile, but he gave a little wave.

The second was his mothers face. She was taking pictures and showing them to the third person he noticed. His father. He wasn't smiling, but he was looking at his son, no sign of anger in his eyes, but no sign of happiness or pride, either. Mathias couldn't help but feel glad he was there. He hated him, but there was always a drive to please him that he couldn't explain. He wanted to make his mother and teacher proud especially, though.

When the orchestra teacher raised her hands, Mathias practiced with the rest of them, but all he could picture was Lukas stepping onto that plane. He was on his way to America and he was stuck here alone. He wished he could be on that plane with him. He wondered if Lukas was thinking about him as he searched for his seat.

He suddenly had a bad feeling. He couldn't describe it, but it twisted his stomach and the lights were so bright on the stage and the music suddenly seemed so loud. He tried to keep playing, but it hurt, it hurt badly, so he stopped. He wanted to drop the bow, but eyes bore into him; his fathers, his mothers, Mr. Vainamoinens, and tears brimmed in his eyes as he clutched the bow tighter. "Dammit," he muttered through clenched teeth.

He swallowed the tears, swallowed every ounce of pain he had, taking it all with strife as the orchestra teacher raised her hand for them to begin the concert. He focused the pain and despair he was feeling on his music, and he didn't look away from the notes for one second. This was the best distraction he had right now. He melted into the music, not knowing how else to cope, and for a second, it seemed like an extension of himself. Everything he was feeling shot through his veins, down his slender wrists and into the bow, out into the vibrating strings and through the air in powerful waves.

The audience members couldn't help but to notice Mathias, the way his face seemed pained, the way he grew flushed and the way his fingers raked over the heavy strings at the top of his cello, the way his face twisted on certain notes and lightened on others. Never had they seen someone so young playing like that, and they were both intrigued and amused by such a boy.

Still, he kept his eyes on the paper, head low, tears nearly falling. He imagined Lukas there beside him and they could play together, and it would be beautiful. _Because everything we did together was beautiful,_ he thought. Tears came to his eyes once more and no amount of blinking was pushing them back in. The notes on the white paper blurred and a small tear balanced on his bottom eyelash, threatening to fall, but he was adamant to leave it. He breathed in quickly, his movements and strokes becoming rougher.

He would give anything for Lukas to be there. He would have given anything for him to be able to stay. The bad feeling wouldn't go away and he was sure Lukas felt the same way. He thought about that beautiful smile, the beautiful way he laughed and talked and the way he felt in his arms, and all at once, like the breaking of a dam, tears streamed down his cheeks and dropped onto the cello, sliding down the wood slower than they had on his face.

But he kept playing. Nothing could stop his fingers from moving and nothing could stop the music from coming out. He was going to finish this concert if it was the last thing he did. His fingers burned, his breathing was hoarse, and he just wanted to finish it. He just wanted this to be over.

Suddenly, as if someone had touched his shoulder, he looked up at the back of the auditorium. Eyes burned into him, making him feel lighter, making him feel comforted, but when he looked to the back, there was nothing standing where he expected a form to be. But there had been someone watching, he was sure of it, and their presence lingered, and he was sure it was Lukas. It had to be, because nobody could have made him startle like that, and nobody could have turned his head like that.

His heart said to move, to jump off the stage and confirm his thought. Confirm that he was there, that he wasn't on the plane yet and had come to the last performance, but his mind told him that this was not possible. He trusted his mind and turned to the music, playing once more until finally the teacher brought her arms down and he was free from the hold the instrument had on him.

As the parents were clapping and taking photos, he was packing up the cello and his music. He could see his parents shoving through the others to talk to him, and as much as he didn't want to talk to them, he stood there solemnly and accepted the praise they offered until he was able to break away and find Mr. Vainamoinen.

"Mathias!" The teacher was waving at him from the back of the auditorium. He pushed through the people to reach him and when he was finally standing in front of him, he hugged him tightly, not knowing what else to do. Mr. Vainamoinen hugged him back and looked down at him brightly. He was smiling, so cheerful, so happy. "Mathias, did you see Lukas?"

Mathias stared up at him and backed away for a second, blood running cold. "What? What do you mean?"

"Well, I thought he was leaving today, but I saw him standing in the back. He came in late and didn't stay long, though."

Mathias' lip was quivering and he brought up a hand to cover his eyes as he broke harder than he'd ever broken before. He couldn't stop the constant flow of tears, so he let them fall down into his hands while Mr. Vainamoinen talked softly to him, muttering comforting words that he couldn't even understand. He couldn't see anything but lights reflecting in his own eyes. He heard laughter and yelling and cheering and talking all around him, all blurred together and it was too much.

He took a deep, shuddering breath as more tears fell into his palms. Something wasn't right. That feeling again. That feeling that caused his stomach to flip and his palms to sweat. Something was off and he didn't know why but he felt this way.

"I want Lukas, I... something isn't right," he managed to sob out. But nobody could hear him through the noise and even if they did, nobody knew how to help him.

* * *

Lukas wiped his eyes and clutched the pink bunny tightly. He knew he must have looked so ridiculous to everyone there, but he didn't care what they thought. He continued to wipe his eyes, but the tears seemed endless and he just gave up. The airport was so busy and he wanted quiet. He wanted to be alone after seeing Mathias.

His flight had been delayed for just long enough that he could stop in and see Mathias play his cello one more time. He couldn't stay long, but he was glad he went at all. Mathias played so beautifully and he looked radiant on stage. His eyes were drawn to him immediately, and once they were on him, he couldn't look away. He played like he had a purpose, like it meant more to him than making music.

It reminded him of how his father played. He admired Mathias at that moment and was smiling through the tears. He was proud of him. Proud that someone like Mathias loved someone like him, proud that he was able to find something he enjoyed all on his own, proud that he had grown so much thanks to Mathias over the year and Mathias had grown, too. His heart swelled with affection for him and he was sure he loved him. He didn't care what his mother thought or his father thought, because he knew, deep in his heart, that he loved Mathias.

He wished he would have looked up. He expected him to. But he didn't. His eyes were fixed on his papers and nothing was stopping him. He pleaded in his mind for him to notice him, though. He imagined it like one of his fairytales. Mathias would get down, everyone would stare, and he would take him in his arms, kiss him, and tell him everything was alright. But he stayed put, feet firm, head firm. Lukas had to leave.

He had wiped his nose with the back of his hand and cried a little harder as he started feeling more panicked than he had before. Something felt wrong and he couldn't put his finger on it, but he knew it wasn't how he was supposed to feel and he didn't like it. He almost yelled out for Mathias from the back of the auditorium. Almost. But he knew it wasn't appropriate and he was too shy either way. So he kissed his hand softly and blew it to him, then left right after.

Now he was stepping onto the plane and taking his seat next to the window. He looked out at the lights of the city as they were just being turned on. They were beautiful. Copenhagen was beautiful. He wiped away his tears, clutched the bunny closely, and listened to the speakers.

 _"Please put your phones on airplane mode if you have them..."_

Lukas reached into his backpack for his phone. He furrowed his eyebrows and dug around more, not feeling it. But it was small, so he peeked inside the bag. But the phone wasn't there. He dug in his pockets. Nothing. He stared at his mother and tugged on her arm frantically, "Mama, I think I forgot my phone." He started breathing faster and crying a lot harder. "Look! It isn't here and I don't have Mathias' number and he'll be calling the phone and I don't have it! How am I supposed to talk to him now?! How am I supposed to talk to him?!"

He was having a panic attack. He was on a plane to America and he didn't have any way of contacting Mathias without his phone. He just wanted Mathias and he wanted his room and he wanted it all back. His mother was rubbing circles in his back and he was crying quietly to himself as he looked out the window, completely lost in his own sadness.

At this moment, Lukas realised that it wasn't right. It was, in fact, NOT better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. It hurt so bad and he wished he would have never decided to love Mathias, but he couldn't stop it now. His heart already ached for him and nothing he could do or say could stop that.

He looked down at the lights once more as the plane took off, and with a shaky nod of his head he said goodbye to Copenhagen and goodbye to Denmark, once and for all.

* * *

 **THE END**


	25. Chapter 25

_This story has been quite a climb_

 _And you must think the ending a crime_

 _BUT because I'm so smitten_

 _A sequel has been written_

 _And the rating will be "M" next time_


End file.
